Timber (Hades, #4)

by Tate James

"Nothing about this is okay, Lucas." My voice was hollow and bitter. "But this is something I can and will push through. My desire to clean his touch from my skin is stronger ...

A thousand emotions flashed across Lucas's face, but the one that remained at the end was the only ...

Using a washcloth, he went back to my skin, soaping me up a second time. I appreciated the hell out of him for it because it would still take a shitload more scrubbing before I truly felt clean.

Tired or not, I took the cloth from him to clean my own vagina. That would need to be scrubbed with sandpaper and still might not ever be clean enough.

I loved Lucas. Really, honestly loved him like I hadn't known I was capable of, and I knew in my bones that our relationship needed—deserved—total honesty. But I didn't trust him not to do something stupid. Like tell Cass. So I lied.

I felt the tension sag out of his body behind me, and his long exhale of relief. It made me feel worse, but I just tightened my jaw and pushed the ugly feeling aside. Some things were more important than honesty. Like my carefully planned revenge. I couldn't risk that all going to shit, not now, not after all I’ve suffered at Chase's hands. Now, more than ever, I needed my plan to succeed. Chase would pay. Dearly. But it'd be on my terms and no one else's.

"...she said he didn't do that," Lucas was saying, his tone determined and defensive. "I asked, and she said no." Cass gave a humorless snort. "Gumdrop, you believed that? Chase psychotic-fuck Lockhart didn't abduct her and drug her mindless so they could play Monopoly and have pillow fights."

"She told me he didn't," Lucas said again, quiet and firm. "Until she says otherwise, then that's the truth. Clear?"

"Eat the food," Cass rumbled. "I watched him make it. It's safe." Lucas scoffed. "Watched? You ate about three bowls of soup and six slices of bread just to test it." Cass gave an unapologetic shrug. "Dead-man De Rosa is a good cook."

"Then why is he still here?" I snapped back. I was angry... but it wasn't entirely at Zed. I was angry at me for trusting him so completely and for falling so hard in love with him that even now part of me hoped he could explain it all away. I didn't want to give him that opportunity. Nothing he could say would redeem this level of betrayal. Colluding with Chase... after everything we'd been through. After everything Zed knew Chase had done to me. No. He was dead to me.

"Saint, I swear I just heard you wrong. Did you say we're at Foxglove?" His smirk spread wider. "What better place to hide out?" A small laugh bubbled out of me. "I have no words. You bought it?" He gave a shrug. "After you wiped out the entire Lockhart bloodline, all of their properties went up for auction due to the sole beneficiary being too unwell to maintain them. I bought up as many as I could, hoping to find a safe or lockbox or something." I nodded my understanding. "Hunting for Nadia's egg." He inclined his head. "Didn't find it but held onto a few of the properties anyway. Turned out to be a good idea."

How right he was. Foxglove Manor had been in the Lockhart family for several generations, so Cass was right that Chase would be unlikely to ever suspect that's where we were. It had originally been built as a luxury hunting cabin and was tucked away up in the mountains near Salt Lake City. One road in, one road out, best accessed by helicopter.

He closed the door firmly behind himself, shutting Zed out there with him, and I tilted my head at Cass in question. "Dunno," he replied. "Don't care, either. You want me to just shoot him and be done with it?"

Did I? It was curious that he hadn't already done it. And that in itself told me Cass wasn't totally convinced of Zed's betrayal. Or maybe he was just keeping him alive for me to deal with personally.

"Yeah, most of it. I remember Zed picking me up and running full sprint through the forest, then putting me down and screaming at me to run. Then... I don't know. Were you in a helicopter?" Cass gave a small head tilt. "Yep. When we pulled you both up, you were out cold. Blood fucking everywhere. Zed was barking orders at us, and you... shit, Angel. You looked like you were dead." His voice turned rough over that statement, and my fingers twitched at my side, brushing his elbow in a tiny gesture of comfort.

"Lucas sure is getting thrown in the deep end on this medical shit." Cass huffed. "He loves it. Little shit thrives on the challenge. You should have seen how damn precise he was with those stitches in your wrist."

Smiling, I brought my bandaged wrist to my chest. As messed up as the thought was, I kind of loved that Lucas had stitched my wrist up. It would scar, but now instead of being reminded of cutting myself free of restraints, it'd remind me of Lucas. And how much he loved me. That was a little bit awesome.

Because if I couldn't trust Zed, then my faith in everyone was shaken. I didn't even trust myself anymore. This could all still be one big delusion, for all I knew. Fuck. I really was messed up.

She gave a low chuckle. "Let them fucking try. I've already been in touch with Rex." That simple statement made me breathe easier. Rex would protect Demi just as fiercely as he did Seph. Maybe it was time I let bygones be bygones and pull him from retirement.

I cleared my throat. "I don't want to drag you back into Wolf business, but you know what's what, and Maurice has been spotted around town." She gave a sigh. "That prick. Of course he's taking advantage of the situation. Don't worry about it; I'll take care of him personally. Just send me that beautiful man of yours, and we'll handle things until you're back." Then she made a thoughtful sound. "How clean do you want me to keep his hands?" Despite the gravity of the situation, I gave a short laugh. "That's his choice, Demi. But until further notice, Lucas is Hades. Clear?"

Ending the call, I stifled a yawn and looked to Cass. "Any chance you can give Lucas a crash course in how to run a gang?"

"Don't give me that look, Gumdrop. Hades gave you an order." There was an edge of teasing in his voice, and the corner of his lips had kicked up slightly. "I'm sure I can take care of things here while you're gone."

Cass scoffed. "You fucking love it." He shifted his dark gaze back to me. "We'll leave you to rest." "No." I shook my head. "Stay. I can doze while you talk." I'd prefer to nap while you talk so I don't slide back into the dark place.

Fucking hell. Now I could see why Zed had refused to deal with business earlier. Not that I wanted him to, but he hadn't refused simply to be a douchebag. He'd done it to help me heal. He'd known that the easiest way to slide me back into my strong, emotionless, safe personality was to present me with a Hades problem. It'd worked for me for five years; Zed had seen it firsthand.

He’d left the lights on, and when I cracked an eyelid, I saw what he'd left. His knife. A deadly sharp bastard, eight inches long and crafted from Damascus steel.

I stared at it for a long moment, then reached over and picked it up. My hand curled around the handle, testing the grip and weight, even as fresh tears poured from my eyes. Then I tucked it under my pillow, just as Zed must have intended. He knew me. He knew what made me tick and what would make me feel safe. Being armed, no matter how secure the house was, would ease my mind.

That display of knowledge... fuck. I both loved and hated him for it. I hated myself for it. Because despite how much he'd hurt me, despite his betrayal and everything it had caused, I ...

"I feel like I'm discovering new shit about you every damn day, Saint," I muttered as he helped me dress after another shower. There could never be too many showers, and I needed to force myself through my sudden fear of drowning.

He'd just informed me that he’d been the helicopter pilot. I don't know why I’d expected anything less, though. Cassiel Saint, international man of mystery and drop-dead sexy asshole.

"She's not alone," Zed snapped, pushing the bedroom door open. "I'm still here." Fucking hell, if that wasn't a loaded statement, I didn't know what was. Shooting him a death glare, I nodded. "Right, so, worse than alone. Perfect. I'll be sure to keep my back to the wall so no one can stick a knife in it."

Changing the subject, I refocused on the conversation we'd been having before Zed interrupted. "How long will you be gone?" I asked Cass quietly, hearing the need in my voice and cringing at it. "Doesn't matter. However long it takes, I'll be just fine. It's more important to get some leadership back into Shadow Grove. Fucking Maurice has another thing coming if he thinks he can take anything that's mine."

"I will be back as fast as that helo can fly, Angel," he promised me in a low, husky voice. "Even if it means kicking Gumdrop out before landing."

"If you decide to kill him, make sure he cooks dinner first," Cass suggested. "I don't want you going hungry if I get delayed."

"If you do decide to kill him," Lucas added, not bothering to keep his voice down. If Zed really was just outside the door, he'd be able to hear us discussing his death. Good. He fucking deserved it. "Then I hope you will listen to his side of everything first. I'm not saying it will justify anything—far fucking from it—but for your own peace of mind, you should have the full story."

"Screw that," Cass muttered. "Just make it hurt. I'll clean up the blood when I get back. You shouldn't be inhaling peroxide right now."

With a laugh, I shook my head at both of them. "You two are too much." Then I paused and forced my way through yet more damage. "I love you, though." My words were so quiet, so rough, I wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't heard me at all.

Cass leaned in close, his short beard brushing my neck. "I love you more than life itself, Angel. I'l...

"Hayden," he murmured. "Words quite literally can't express how much I love you. There is no doubt in my mind: You're it for me. You don't just own my heart, babe, you are my heart. Without you, nothing matters. Every minute of the twelve days, four hours, and fifteen minutes you were gone, I was dead inside."

"Thank you," I whispered, "for not giving up." His smile was full of warmth and adoration but tainted by sadness. "It was a team effort." As quick as lightning, he dropped a kiss to the back of my hand, then untangled our fingers and stood up. "I should go before Daddy Cass comes to drag me out of here." A sob caught in my throat, and I sputtered. "Never call him that again, please." Lucas grinned wide, proud he’d stopped my tears with humor. "Why not? He's old, for starters, and he oozes dom energy. Daddy Cass just fits."

"I know," he cut me off with a smile. "I'm Hades now. Nowhere near as beautiful, but it's only temporary."

With an irritated sigh, I decided on an Israeli soap opera with subtitles, mainly because they were pretty reliable for the worst kinds of unbelievable plotlines. Shit like secret evil twins popping out at the perfect time or total amnesia making people forget their friends and family. I'd even seen one where a woman had no idea she'd had a baby until she met the girl eight years later and thought she looked familiar. Shit like that simply didn't happen in real life, so that was the energy I needed. Crap that took suspension of disbelief way too far.

Sus

"Dare..." he started, but my anger flared hot to hear my nickname on his lying lips. So I hurled the TV remote at his head.

"You're wrong about that," he murmured, his eyes blazing with determination. I scoffed. "Oh, am I?" He nodded again, retreating to the door once more. "If I were dead to you, you'd have thrown the knife, not the remote."

A storm had rolled in while I was stretching, and I hobbled over to the window to pull the curtains open properly. There was something so soothing about the sound of pouring rain, so I opened one of the windows to hear it better.

In fairness, Zed was an incredible cook. His mom had taught him before she'd murdered his father and disappeared—most likely died—leaving Zed an orphan at age fifteen.

It was roughly a two-hour helicopter flight back to Shadow Grove from Foxglove Manor. By the time he’d dropped Lucas off, collected the supplies Demi was arranging for us, refueled the helicopter, and flown back... I checked the time on the TV and frowned. "He should already be on his way."

I scrambled for the remote, turning the sound up so I could hear what the reporter was saying—the reporter who stood under an umbrella, grim-faced in front of what seemed to be helicopter wreckage in the field behind her.

The message was short, just saying that he couldn't fly in the storm and to steer clear of Red if Zed valued his skin.

"Okay, yeah, good plan. Just drive safely." Cass gave a husky laugh. "To get to you? Always. I'll see you in twelve hours, Angel."

"Seriously. Get out." He needed to leave me alone before I broke down and started crying. He didn't fucking deserve to see my pain. He didn't deserve anything but my anger and an ice-cold shoulder.