Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind

by Judson Brewer MD PhD

I realized that one of the reasons so many people fail to see that they have anxiety is the way it hides in bad habits.

When “conditions” happen, I think of the mind/brain as more akin to a violin string that has gone slightly out of tune. In this situation, we don’t label the instrument as defective and throw it away, but instead listen to what is wrong and tighten (or loosen) the strings a bit so we can continue making music.

I think of my patients with GAD as Olympians in the endurance “sport” of anxiety—they can worry longer and harder than anyone else on the planet.

Importantly, like zebras who jump and kick, or dogs who shake their bodies after surviving stressful situations, you need to learn how to safely discharge the excess energy associated with that “I almost died” adrenaline surge, so that it doesn’t lead to chronic or post-traumatic stress and anxiety. Simply talking to someone doesn’t count here; you may really have to do something physical, like shout, shake, dance, or engage in some type of physical exercise.

Remember, our brains have old and new components. The new parts facilitate thinking, creativity, decision-making, and so on. But these newer sections are layered on top of the older parts of our brain—parts that evolved to help us survive.

Functionally, the act of worrying is a mental behavior that results in a feeling of anxiety (nervousness or unease). On top of this, the feeling of anxiety can trigger the behavior of worrying, which becomes cyclical: Trigger: Anxiety Behavior: Worry Result: Feel more anxious

“You feel like you’re going to die, but you won’t. This is your brain playing games with you. You decide what happens next.”

Once you’re aware of your habit loops—when you’re on autopilot—you can then get curious about what is happening. Why am I doing this? What triggered the behavior? What reward am I really getting from this? Do I want to keep doing this?

Habit loops (anxiety and otherwise) control you until you can see them clearly. The first step to regaining control is simply to pay attention and map them out. Each time you create a map, you are less on autopilot and more in control because you see where you are headed.

correlation does not equal causation.

default mode network (DMN).

If you are the avoid type, you can pay attention to related behaviors such as being overly judgmental (of yourself and others) or overly focusing on accuracy to the detriment of the bigger picture.

Avoid: You tend to be clear-thinking and discerning. Your intellect allows you to see things logically and identify flaws in things. You are quick to understand concepts and tend to keep things organized and tidy while getting things done quickly. You pay attention to detail. You might even have a stiff posture (that is to say, you walk stiffly and hurriedly). At times you might notice that you are overly judgmental and critical. You may come across as a perfectionist.

To change a behavior, you can’t just focus on the behavior itself. Instead, you have to address the felt experience of the rewards of that behavior.

If you really pay careful and close attention—without making any assumptions or relying on past experience to guide you—and you see that a behavior is not rewarding right now, I promise you that you will start to get less excited about doing it again.

Trigger: See solution (to anxiety, habit, problem) Behavior: Want problem to change immediately Result: Frustration that it isn’t gone

The concept is pretty simple: you learn to see the world in a certain way based on your previous experiences. Each time you do something that reinforces your learning, the lenses of your world-view glasses get a bit thicker, and the fit also gets more comfortable.

if you believe that progress is based on hard work, learning, and training, you are said to have a growth mindset.

What mindset are you usually (or habitually) in when you fall into an old habit loop that you’ve desperately been trying to change? When you judge or beat yourself up, of course you are closed down because you are being attacked (even if you are attacking yourself).

Simply by bringing their awareness to the results of eating, individuals in our program learn to enjoy some chocolate, for example, but because they are now paying close attention, they are more able to change their eating patterns and avoid overindulging or overeating.

Planning is like chocolate—a little tastes good, but too much of it can be counterproductive, as it can induce anxiety about what can go wrong.

Changing your attitude toward even the simplest tasks can have a huge effect on your life.

Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become actions. Watch your actions. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Watch your character. It becomes your destiny.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is your brain trying to be helpful and that it’s getting a little off track.

But one thing is pretty clear from all of the math and measurement: paying attention is really important if you want to change a habit. If it’s a habit that you desperately want to break, you can’t tell, force, or wish it to stop, because these likely don’t have an effect on its reward value.

Trigger: Remember lunchroom brain fart. Behavior: Notice clenching in my stomach and self-judgment start to play in my head. Give myself a mental hug and remind myself that I can’t change what I did and that I have learned from it. Result: Healed wound.

States such as meanness, stress, anxiety, and craving not only feel worse (i.e., are less rewarding) than kindness, wonder, joy, and curiosity, but they also feel more closed down while the others feel more open and even expansive.

In the same way, if you substitute Instagram puppy videos for your old habit, just as with alcohol, your brain also starts getting used to seeing cute pictures of puppies—it becomes habituated. In other words, your brain says, I’ve already seen that. And as was the case with requiring more drinks to get a buzz, you need more and cuter puppies to get your puppy fix. Not much of a long-term solution, is it?

In 2006, the psychologists Jordan Litman and Paul Silvia itemized two main “flavors” of curiosity, which they dubbed I-curiosity and D-curiosity. The I in I-curiosity stands for interest, the pleasurable aspects of the hunger for knowledge, while the D in D-curiosity stands for deprivation, the idea that if we have a gap in information, we go into a restless, unpleasant, need-to-know state.

When they got caught in a habit loop of worry or self-judgment, hmm could help them shift into third gear and step out of the loop. Instead of their minds spinning out of control and feeding more habitual self-judgment, they found that hmm could help them step back and see their habit loop component elements for what they were: thoughts and emotions.

The high alert habit mode could be seen for what it was: sensations associated with danger. In the absence of danger, by simply getting curious about what those sensations felt like, Dave could see for himself that these sensations not only were inaccurate (signaling danger when there was none) but would fade on their own. I sent him home to practice. He just needed some time and repetition to update his brain’s old memory systems from “not safe” to “safe.” Importantly, I wasn’t trying to convince him that he was safe, nor asking him to convince himself. Instead we were training him to give his brain more accurate information.

The more curiosity we have, the more open we are to learning and growing from exploration, as compared to closing down or running back to our safe space at that first hint of discomfort. All of us need to keep this in mind: change can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The more we can learn to lean into the discomfort of difference—recognizing that we might be nervous simply because something is new to us—the more we make ourselves at home in our growth zone.

Trigger: Frustration with not being able to dissect toy Behavior: Ignore proper knife-wielding protocol; grab sharp object and push Result: Filet-o-thumb

As a result of this chronic trauma, over time she learned that she could “numb herself” from the unpleasant emotions by eating.

Trigger: Unpleasant emotion Behavior: Binge-eat Result: Brief relief in the form of numbing herself

Trigger: Get honked at Behavior: Offer a twofer of loving kindness: one phrase to myself, one to the driver Result: Feel lighter, more open

Trigger: Anxiety Behavior: Try to figure out why she’s anxious (and fail) Result: Get more anxious

Instead of getting caught in the why, anxious people learn to focus on what is happening right in that moment.

I gave Amy some homework. “Whenever you notice a why habit loop developing, take three deep breaths. Breathe in deeply, and on the exhale, say to yourself, Why doesn’t matter.”

“Forgiveness is giving up hope of a better past.”

We have to learn to let go of the past and focus on the present, because we can work only with what is here right now: habit loops that we are acting out in the present moment.

When you open your eyes wide in fear or wonder, this signals to your brain that you are in a good place to take in new information. If you narrow your eyes in disgust or anger, this may signal to your brain that you aren’t open to learning right now—instead, you’re primed to act.

The next time you are frustrated or anxious, try this. Stop and simply name the emotion (e.g., “Oh, that’s X emotion”). Check to see how narrow or wide your eyes are. Open your eyes wide (and perhaps add in a hmm) as a way to jump-start your curiosity. Keep them wide for ten seconds and notice what happens to the anxiety (or whatever difficult emotion you’ve just identified). Does it get stronger or weaker? Does it change in character, or shift in some other way?

Curiosity is foundational, loving kindness helps you step out of self-judgmental habit loops, and RAIN helps you ride out urges for late-night snacks.

The urge to do something quickly is often a reaction to something unpleasant. If you aren’t paying attention, you habitually react to make that unpleasant feeling go away.

Check in with yourself from time to time to see if you’re beating yourself up for not always driving in second or third gears. Perhaps you’re saying to yourself, “I should be in third gear by now,” or “I should be free of that bad habit by now.” But maybe that’s a habit loop of its own? Maybe you should stop shoulding on yourself and MAP THAT OUT?

Start with your five senses—sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste. Now add two more: feeling physical sensations in your body (i.e., interoception) and thinking. Notice which one is most predominant at any moment.

One moment you’re happily listening to a bird’s song, and the next moment you’re angry at your neighbor. How did that happen? Autopilot. An untrained mind is going to drive off in any direction that it wants, usually steering itself into trouble along the way.

Do it for short periods, many times throughout the day. I’m italicizing this so you’ll remember it; it is important for forming a new habit. This will help groove a new brain pathway that will make noting your new habit.

Try practicing noting today, not only when you use RAIN, but when you’re walking down the street, sitting on your couch, or even riding in a car. Remember, it’s short moments, many times throughout the day, that work to set a new solid habit.