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Cancer accepted no substitutes. That was why we all shuddered when the word was uttered. Cancer was synonymous with loss of control for everyone involved.
I could be the kind of person, friend, you didn’t just walk away from for no reason. That my presence mattered in a life.
She had a way of pointing out foolishness without making me the fool.
“It’s not a terrible thing to have a shutoff switch. Don’t drug a gift horse in the nap.”
Just take a nap. Not everything is worth fighting for.” She was both right and wrong about that.
The fewer words spoken, the greater your personal value.
the recognition that you are visible and welcome.
devotion and family of friendship.
“At the very least, there should be a semblance of respect and predictability. You should know that you will be treated well, that you will get the same person every day with regard to personality, and for the most part mood, and you should never agree to walking on eggshells.”
Mayo said I should accept the timing of my child leaving, keep in touch, seek support, and stay positive.
People were so judgmental about slumber, like sleepers had vexing needs that more motivated people did not.
Reject before rejected.”
“However large or small a group is, the addition of one person will forever change interactions, and preexisting ground rules no longer apply.”
What is astonishing about death is our certainty that it isn’t going to happen to us or anyone we know without some kind of warning. And, we live our life doing stupid things like gossiping, when we should spend all our days planting flowers.”
Being the only person taking care of the world is hard work.”
I didn’t like being seen before I had a better view of myself.
you could sink with the weight of loss
“Hardship makes you interesting,”
“I’m cotton. Functional, kind of versatile, not at all complicated.”
“The spirit animal you called to you is the deer. It wants to work with you if you’ll let it. It wants to help you deal with an upcoming challenge. To help you steer the compassion you have for everyone else inward to yourself.”
you have to be passionate about you.”
“Look, an inappropriately aggressive or intentionally wacky question or statement deserves an equally wacky response.”
When you were a child and you were taught to avoid fighting at all costs, you never got to see the rewards of having the hard conversation. If this continued as you aged, you got the message that the spoils must be so terrible, so ungodly horrible, that nothing was worth an argument. When you were an adult, you could reason yourself out of that, see evidence everywhere that wasn’t true, but your child hid and whispered, But what if the result is worse than the fight?
“You’re going to have to push away from the edge of the swimming pool and get into the deep end. If you don’t, you’ll always be hanging on with your fingertips, afraid.”
I realized that putting your thoughts and emotions into simple sentences was easier than building a life where those sentences would never have to be uttered.
“Safety and the idea that you can keep anyone safe is an illusion. But, loving someone is the ultimate safekeeping.”
No matter what happens to us in life, we can always come home to the people who care for us. They are our safe harbor.
Curing yourself from avoiding conflict wasn’t just about stepping up to fight. It was also about learning to lean into discomfort. Maybe the process was like washing windows on a sunny day: the big dirt was easy, but the final smear on a filthy windowpane could be the hardest to rub out.
You get what you fight for, so you’d better learn to fight.”
This was the comfort of love. It didn’t cure cancer or reduce the pain of childbirth, but it cloaked lovers, friends, and family in an embrace that stretched far and wide and was supremely difficult to break, despite our best idiotic efforts.
People always said their heart was where they felt all emotions. But the heart was a survival organ and didn’t have time for every quiver and quake.
life was a cluster of love, fear, loss, and acceptance scattered between the heartbeats. That was what true survival was, keeping the heart beating while continuing to feel everything.
