I Thought You Said This Would Work

by Ann Garvin

Charismatic, sensitive, mean Jeff, who knew I wasn’t going anywhere, because you couldn’t leave your marriage with a baby without the kind of agency your parents should have taught you.

“However large or small a group is, the addition of one person will forever change interactions, and preexisting ground rules no longer apply.”

I’m not the kind of person whose mind is a quiet place.

Sure, they could call you, but you didn’t have to answer. There was an ignore button, right there on the screen. What was rude to one generation had become to another an appropriate, magical touch on a flat screen.

“There are a few phrases or words that can be helpful in several ways. Here.” She handed me a notepad with a dangerously sharp pencil and said, “Write them down, and then we’ll test them. Ready? As I said, thanks is one. Also try, We’re different; Good to know; Hmmmm, I’ll think about that; and if they say something offensive, just say, Go Badgers and don’t follow up with anything.” “Go Badgers?” “Look, an inappropriately aggressive or intentionally wacky question or statement deserves an equally wacky response.”