I Thought You Said This Would Work

by Ann Garvin

“Try repeating a phrase that doesn’t explain, defend, or justify,” she’d said. “If someone presses your buttons with judgment or aggression, try saying thanks.” “Just plain thanks?” I’d said doubtfully. “Try it—it works.”

“There are a few phrases or words that can be helpful in several ways. Here.” She handed me a notepad with a dangerously sharp pencil and said, “Write them down, and then we’ll test them. Ready? As I said, thanks is one. Also try, We’re different; Good to know; Hmmmm, I’ll think about that; and if they say something offensive, just say, Go Badgers and don’t follow up with anything.” “Go Badgers?” “Look, an inappropriately aggressive or intentionally wacky question or statement deserves an equally wacky response.”

I realized that putting your thoughts and emotions into simple sentences was easier than building a life where those sentences would never have to be uttered.

“Safety and the idea that you can keep anyone safe is an illusion. But, loving someone is the ultimate safekeeping.”

No matter what happens to us in life, we can always come home to the people who care for us. They are our safe harbor.