Empire of the Vampire (Empire of the Vampire, #1)

by Jay Kristoff

“‘Ow!’ “‘Speak up, you ill-bred twatwaffler!’

“Behold the purse in which I keep my fucks for what you think of me.”

And of course, the dreaded potato.”

“I fucking hate potatoes.”

“What is that for?” Jean-François demanded. “I want you to take this coin to market, and buy me a fuck to give.”

Is that fucking potato?’ I scowled, peering at Rafa’s soup.

You grow up like I did, it’s best to assume everyone you meet is a fucking cunt. That way, when they turn out to be just regular cunts, you’ll be nicely surprised.

But I’d hoped we’d get farther before this particular bucket of cocks hit us full in the face.