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‘My brothers are the hill I die on.’
Your past is stone, but your future is clay. And you decide the shape of the life you’ll make.’
‘A little pain never hurt anyone.’
As I’ve said, not even God Himself can come between a girl and a boy truly in want of each other.
“I don’t know who moved first. I don’t know who followed. I know only our first kiss was more a collision, a meeting of powder and flame.
Wishing became wanting, and wanting became needing, and all of it, all of it was need of her.
“There’s no sin so dangerous as the sin that is chosen. “No sin so glorious as the sin that is shared.
How does a man pray, Gabriel?’
How does a man pray?’ “‘I don’t know. I don—’ “‘He prays on his knees, Gabriel.’
“‘Pray to me.’ “And a part of me was just a sixteen-year-old boy then. Begging only to serve and wanting only to please. But the rest of me, the most of me, was filled with a hunger darker than any I’d ever known.
“‘I had work in the Foundry! A batch of sanctus to accompany Greyhand to Charinfel. But I heard tumult in the forge and sought the source. And there I saw them, bare in each other’s arms.’ The seraph stabbed one callused finger as my heart sank. ‘De Coste and Sa-Ismael! Rutting like mongrels in heat!’
Oh no!!!
No,’ he said again, firmer, looking Khalid and Argyle in the eye. ‘Baptiste speaks lies to spare me punishment. But only because he loves me. As I love him.’ His voice rose over the growing clamor. ‘And that is no fucking sin!’
It’s a strange truth, but some folk enjoy the notion of owning books more than reading them, and I soon tired of him glowering at my back.
Lol guilty
“In justice and hope, no hope there be, “In mercy and bliss, no bliss for thee, “In death and truth, no truth I see, “Through blood and fire, now dance with me.
But courage is the will to do what others will not.
“When your whole world is going to hell, all you need is someone who sounds like he knows the way.
called, ‘Seraph Talon told me that the greatest horrors forge the greatest heroes. But Frère Greyhand always said it’s foolish to be a hero. That they die unpleasant deaths, far from home and hearth.’ I raised my voice above the winds, trying to light a fire that might burn away this chill. ‘I think the truth lies in between. One or two moments of heroism—that’s what the wise seek. One or two heartbeats that last a lifetime. And this is one. A moment to bring a smile to your face on your deathbed. A moment that others will rue they were not here to share. A moment of which you will say, many
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This moment.’ “Aaron nodded. ‘This moment.’
‘It’s going to be slaughter.’ “‘Maybe.’ I nodded, looking about the group. ‘But my friends are the hill I die on.’
I love that line!
“Aaron frowned. ‘Baptiste, you’re a blacksmith, not a—’ “The big lad pressed his lips to Aaron’s. ‘Shut up, love.’
As I met Astrid’s gaze, all the words I wished I could say were held behind my sharpening teeth. The memory of her lips burning brighter than the sacrament in my veins. And she smiled at me then. One of her thousand smiles—a smile that caught me up and held me tight, banishing anything remaining of the fear inside me. “‘This moment, Gabriel de León.’
E’en the babes of thy beloved Lorson fought fiercer than this afore I bathed in them.’ “My heart froze in my chest. ‘… What?’ “Her lips curled, all the horror of hell in her eyes. ‘Vowed did I, that all thou hast I wouldst take, Gabriel de León. Thy home. Thy mother. Thy little Celene…’
‘A palace shall I build of thy suffering, frailblood. Upon a throne of thy misery shall I reign.
The only queen on this mountain is me,’ Astrid spat. “Standing above us, she drew back my bloody blade for another strike. “‘And he’s no frailbood, you unholy cunt.’
“The vow of a father eternal, to the one who’d murdered his daughter beloved. “‘I have forever, boy.’ “‘I am forever.’”
I’d never taken the time to answer her letters, I realized. “And now I never would.
And I tell you now and tell you true, the boy I’d been died that day. Died as if he’d burned in that church with his sister. I was dismantled. I was unmade. “The last son of Lorson.
We carry the greatest burdens not on our shoulders, but in our hearts. But those taken from us never truly die. They await us in the light of God’s love.’
That is true immortality. Not the dark counterfeit to which our enemy lays claim. Eternity lies in the hearts of those who cherish us. Love them, Gabriel. And know they await your arrival at the throne of the Almighty. But not yet.’ He shook his head. ‘Not yet.’
“‘Hearts only bruise. They never break.’
‘I pray God and Mothermaid watch over you, de León. But more, I pray you watch over yourself. And above all, watch Seraph Talon.’ “‘… Talon? Why?’ “‘The night the Empress arrived at San Michon. The night he … caught Baptiste and me. At the feast, I swear I felt someone in my head. A touch light as feathers, but still … I fear Talon didn’t discover us by accident as he said. I fear he wanted rid of me.’
“‘I know not. But he is not to be trusted, Gabriel. Watch your back.’
Talon! Something suspicious about him!
In the sight of God Almighty, creator of heaven and earth, of all that was and will ever be, I pledge my life to the Order of San Michon. “‘I am the light in the night. I am hope for the hopeless. I am the fire that rages between this and all world’s ending. I shall know no famille, save these my brothers. I shall love no woman, save our Mother and Maid. I shall seek no respite, save in paradise at the right hand of my Heavenly Father. “‘And in sight of God and his Seven Martyrs, I do here vow: Let the dark know my name and despair. So long as it burns, I am the flame. So long as it bleeds, I
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“‘Except you didn’t smell of it like Greyhand did. Your eyes weren’t flooded because of the pipe. They were flooded because you’d just fed. Like you fed on Aoife the night she died.’
‘How long were you feeding on Aoife? How long were you sleeping with her?’
But it wasn’t until I talked to Kaveh that I learned the truth. Dreamweed isn’t the only herb he can wrangle on his supply runs to Beaufort. Sister Aoife asked him to get her honeywell. Rowanwhite and rainberry. You’re a master of chymistrie, Talon, so tell me! Why would a young woman want herbs of that ilk?’
She was pregnant
Life is not a story you can tell, de León. It’s only a story you can live. The bright news is, you get to choose what kind yours will be. A story of horror, or a story of courage. A story of indulgence, or a story of duty. The story of a monster. Or the a story of a man.’
“‘What will your story be?’”
‘But if you do want me, Gabriel de León, then say it. Because only a coward would cherish the wanting of a thing and yet send it away. And I will not give my heart to a coward. I will give it to a lion.’
“‘Tell me you do not want me.’ “‘I can’t,’ I whispered. ‘God help me, I can’t.’ “‘Then take me, Gabriel.’ She lifted her chin, fierce and furious. ‘Take me, and God and Mothermaid and Martyrs be damned with us both.’
“And I knew the color of bliss then. And its color was red.
“‘This will be our lot, then? Loving in the dark? Like liars?’ “I kissed her brow, eyes closed tight. ‘Until the war is won. Until the song is sung.’ “‘And then?’ “‘Then us. Forever.’
A kiss of flames and tears, of sweetest sin, a kiss to which all others would be compared and found wanting. And if this was wrong, I decided, then let it be the wrong I’d die for. There, with that girl in my arms, I swore to God I would give all else—my blood, my life, my everything—if only he would let me have her. “Just. Her.”
And as she grew, I realized she was the reason I’d been put on this earth. Not to lead armies or defend cities or save an empire.
“Hearts only bruise,” the vampire murmured. “They never break.” Gabriel nodded. “So Astrid would often tell me.” “A pretty sentiment.” “A fucking lie.”
“Your voice will never feel so tiny as when you’re screaming at God,”
“‘Nothing too dark, Ash,’ I warned. ‘Happy endings only, understood?’ “No such thing, such thing, Gabriel. “‘I mean it.’ “As do I, my friend. And I am sorry f-for it.
“‘What did you want to be when you grew up?’ “Dior shrugged, looked me in the eye. “‘Dangerous.’
Remember why you left us.’
Don’t blame the blade. Blame the b-blacksmith.’
