Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #2)

by Matt Dinniman

Also known as the Gigachad of the Over City, Incubi are the male counterparts of the infamous Succubus. The smooth, seductive, and ultimately deadly Incubus can be identified by his stunning good looks, exquisite charm, and sensuous feet. They can only be found on the urban levels of the dungeon. They give new meaning to the phrase, “hit it and quit it.”

Donut ended up with the following: Strength: 20 Intelligence: 23 + 5 (Tiara) +1 (Charm) = 29 Constitution: 4 + 2 (Brush) = 6 Dexterity: 12 + 2 (Crupper) +2 (Bracelet) +5 (temp. floor bonus) = 21 Charisma: 70

Somewhere in there, deep, deep down, there is a spark of the old Heather. The beloved bear has moments of lucidity as she runs down her terrified prey. In those brief moments, she thinks: Good. I’ve always hated all you assholes, anyway.

Now, if you’ve never had a flaming, skull-faced bear on roller skates barreling at you full speed, you don’t know what you’re missing.

“Cats don’t drink cocktails,” I said. “Cats don’t shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”

“I think I liked you better when you didn’t make so much sense,” I said. “I’ve always made sense, Carl,” Donut said.

“What is a lich?” Donut asked. I answered. I knew this from playing DnD. “It’s usually an undead magic user, obsessed with eternal life.”

“You know,” I said to Donut, “every time I think these guys reach a new level of fucked-upedness, they surprise me.