Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #2)

by Matt Dinniman

If they ask, tell them I know what I’m doing. Zev: Do you? Carl: Fuck no. I’m making this shit up as I go along.

It also makes you look all wispy and ethereal and druid-like. A great spell to have if you’re a club kid or trying to bang a vegan.

We are guest stars, Carl. It’s too dangerous for a show to have guest stars that are more interesting than the main character. That’s why they killed Barb on Stranger Things.

Donut: GUESSING THE PLOTLINES OF TELEVISION SHOWS IS MY SUPER POWER.

“Sometimes even the side characters need their own episodes,” I said.

Pile of Dead Hookers. Well, isn’t this awkward?

“Cats don’t drink cocktails,” I said. “Cats don’t shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”

Now you’re outraged? When it was your friend? The cognitive dissonance was just overwhelming.

“Is this how it always is with you two, then?” she asked. “What was it he said? Scorched earth?” I nodded. I put my hand on Donut. “With a little bit of chaos thrown in,” I said.

“Carl called the orc king a pussy, and his son’s spaceship lasered the production trailer from orbit.

And now, this great deceiver, this devourer of all that is holy, has a name. She is Donut, the Oak Fell. The Death Upon Us All. She Who Ends.

He looked like a rejected character from Thundercats.

Wild soul magic is unpredictable. It turns your own magical items against you.