Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #2)

by Matt Dinniman

I opened up the menu, scrolled all the way to the bottom, and I picked Primal as my race.

We rushed into the street, and I cast Fear just as Donut shot a full-powered magic missile. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the creature. Warning: scary-ass mobs are immune to Fear effects. My first impression was Slender Man. Slender Man dressed as a clown. Holy shit.

Oh hell no

Carl: Do you remember anything from today? Donut: YOU WERE DRUNK AND YOU MOLESTED SOMEONE’S GRANDMA. Mordecai didn’t answer for several moments. Mordecai: Where are you right now?

scooped up Mongo. The last thing we needed was the little monster attacking her. “Beam us up, Donut.”

Carl: I think I’m being charmed by an NPC with horns. What do I do? Mordecai: It’s not a real Charm spell because if it was, you wouldn’t be asking me about it. Is it happening to Donut, too? Donut: HE HAS AN ERECTION, MORDECAI. IT’S VERY INAPPROPRIATE. MONGO IS APPALLED.

I watched a sea dragon pulse across her small breasts. The black tattoo paused to look at me and silently hiss before wrapping itself around her back. On Signet’s arms, the monsters danced about one another. I caught glimpse of a giant, three-headed ogre who held a curved sword, which he sharpened on a wheel.

This feels like good character design

“Yes,” she said, voice full of fear. Mongo stayed under my feet. “What’re we doing?” “Got a plan. When I say, cast that last scroll of Confusing Fog. Okay? Get it re… Oh shit, now, now!”

Lol

It seemed so surreal, so ridiculous to be completing such a mundane task in the middle of all this. But the tree was light, and we’d be able to store it and bring it out each night. While Donut slept on the top platform, Mongo curled up at the bottom. I also lit the cheap candle for her. It filled the small, rented room with the scent of home. I watched Donut for a bit, and I could tell what she was doing. She wasn’t really asleep. She was just closing her eyes and pretending that she was back home in her favorite spot.

Admin Note: Boss Battles that arise concurrently with secondary productions or as parts of a Quest may present themselves differently. You will still receive awards commensurate with the boss’s proper rank. If you survive, of course. “Oh fuck,” I said.

Shit

You have discovered a city boss!

Oh fuck

Welp. If you gonna go, you might as well do it with style. Just an FYI. As of this moment in the current season of Dungeon Crawler World, not a single Crawler has faced a city boss and survived. And for good reason. Only a complete moron would voluntarily put themselves in a situation where they had to fight one of the most powerful monsters on the level.

Ringmaster Grimaldi – Pestiferous Vine This is an Elite. Level 85 City Boss!

HOW IS HE GETTING OUT OF THIS

The worms in my throat surged into my mouth. The sensation was like I was suddenly vomiting. “She hurts the family. She has turned her back,” I croaked. Fucking hell. They’d physically forced me to say it. I felt blood start to drool down the side of my mouth. My throat felt as if I’d swallowed razors. “Don’t do that,” I gasped. “Holy shit. Just think it, and I’ll say it out loud.”

found myself thinking about my mother, my father, and of Bea. Of my few friends from before, like Billy Maloney and Sam. Of my coworkers at the boatyard. They were all gone. All I had left in this world was right here. Mongo soon started to snore. I could feel Donut’s warmth against the back of my neck. She breathed softly, oblivious of all that had occurred tonight. This, I thought, this is my family.

Mordecai was still laughing. “You shouldn’t have said you really wanted those pants.”

“Take that with you right now,” Miss Quill said. “What is wrong with you?” She squatted and began gathering up the fallen toys in her wings. But she had nowhere to put them. Not until the shelf was fixed and the dead woman was removed from the desk. Donut leaped from my shoulder and sniffed at the ground. “This one is getting really dirty,” Donut said, looking at a rat-faced beanie that looked suspiciously like Mordecai’s first form. “And I think the label tore on this one. Carl, stop stepping on them!” “Stop! Stop it right now! Please, just take it away.”

The system had said they’d be left alone if they decided not to participate, but even through this little porthole looking through to some random place in the ocean, I could see that wasn’t true. How many spaceships and other vessels had descended on the planet? Were they really leaving the other humans alone? Or were they being exploited, hunted, or enslaved?

The next chair contained a pudgy, fuzzy brown creature that looked like the result of a wombat/Ewok union. The thing only stood about four feet high, and didn’t wear any clothes except a fucking orange scarf around his neck, like Fred from Scooby Doo. He had two huge cheeks and giant eyes. He was disgustingly cute. I vaguely remembered that Miss Quill had a beanbag version of this race sitting on her shelf. “Oh my,” Donut said. “That is positively adorable.” “This is your host, Ripper Wonton,” Evo said. “He is of a race called a Setonix.

Love him

No, that’s not true. Borant benefits. Big time. If Valtay loses a powerful ally, maybe even goes to war with the Skull Empire over this, then they won’t have time to try to take over the Borant system. But I don’t know for sure. We have so little information.

Ahhh

“Odette,” I asked, reading the list again. “What are those numbers at the end of each name? That million and 100,000?” “That’s just the bounty,” she said. “It’s how much other crawlers get if they kill you. Now I must leave. Be careful out there. I’ll see you after the next floor collapse.” Odette faded away, leaving me alone, bobbing slowly up and down with the waves. “Fuck,” I said to the empty room.

Oh shit