Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #2)

by Matt Dinniman

“Wow,” Donut said, looking him up and down. “I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers.”

I never understood why she’d gotten a tattoo in a place where the only ones who’d see it were people smashing her from behind. I’d made the error of jokingly mentioning that once. And the Ewok part. Yeah, that’d been a mistake.

Donut: HE HAS AN ERECTION, MORDECAI. IT’S VERY INAPPROPRIATE. MONGO IS APPALLED.

“Cats don’t drink cocktails,” I said. “Cats don’t shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”

“Maybe we should have tested them first,” she said. “That’s what they’re gonna put on my tombstone.”

“Let me tell you a secret, Donut. Back before all this happened, it was considered a rare thing for somebody to find a job they truly loved.”

“Hey, Carl,” said Donut, just as we started to dissolve away. “You probably should have put your pants back on when we still could get into our inventory, don’t you think? Aren’t we going straight to Odette’s show?” She cackled with laughter. I looked down at the cat, horrified. “Goddamnit, Donut,” I said.