Carl's Doomsday Scenario (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #2)

by Matt Dinniman

“Besides,” I added. “What are they gonna do? Throw me in the dungeon?”

“Well,” Ripper said, “they told me you two tend to leave a path of scorched earth wherever you...”

“I threw up,” Donut said, looking up at me. She had puke all down the front of her face. I used the thick fabric from my Nightgaunt cloak to clean off her fur the best I could.

“Wait,” I said. “Are you talking about that creepy yellow cat that would come to the window when you were in heat?”

“Yes, I am, Carl,” Donut said. “I imagine it’s time you learned of my secret affair. A princess and a ruffian. It wasn’t meant to be, but our love was pure.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “His name wasn’t Ferdinand. His ...

“Is this how it always is with you two, then?” she asked. “What was it he said? Scorched earth?”

I nodded. I put my hand on Donut. “With a little bit of chaos thrown in,” I said.

“Maybe we should have tested them first,” she said. “That’s what they’re gonna put on my tombstone.”

A sparkle of something caught my eye.

“Well, what would you have done if you could do anything?” she asked.

I thought about that for a long moment. I thought of the college applications I started to fill out, but never finished. “I would work for the forestry service as a forester.”

“Doing what? Looking at tree...

“Yes,” I said. “I’ve seen enough ocean to last a lifetime. I’d be happy alone in the woods, watching for forest fires. God, I would gi...

“You are like him. You only care about what is in front of you right now. You don’t see the larger picture. I think that’s what I needed to say.”

Don’t get undead, they told us. Don’t get undead. It’s not worth it.

“I guess that makes up for you killing all those baby goblins on the first floor,” said Donut.

She seemed to deflate on my shoulder. “We should try to save the others. It’s the right thing to do.”

I didn’t answer. I just reached up and scratched her.

I remembered that moment we’d jumped from the civic building and landed in the debris. There’d been a flash of light. Looking back now, I realized it’d been deliberate. The system had brought my attention to the case.

It was just like any regular game. Seemingly random objects were sometimes placed there intentionally, just to keep the game fair.

I sat on the ground, exhausted. Donut jumped into my lap, and we stared at the floating glass case.

“Carl?” she asked. I looked down into her large, glowing eyes. “Yeah?” “I’m not as dumb as I pretend to be. I know she’s dead.” “I know.” I wrapped myself around her. We both closed our eyes and braced for the end.

Carl’s Doomsday Scenario Type: Unstable custom explosive Effect: An explosion large enough to rattle the teeth of a god.

But what the hell was I going to do with the thing? The moment I removed it from my inventory, it would explode. I would have less than a second.

The group just looked at me. Finally, one of them said, “Dude, why are you naked?”

“Please get your dick out of my face,” he said. I grinned and backed away.

You’re not going to break me. Fuck you all.

“Hey, Carl,” said Donut, just as we started to dissolve away. “You probably should have put your pants back on when we still could get into our inventory, don’t you think? Aren’t we going straight to Odette’s show?”

I looked down at the cat, horrified. “Goddamnit, Donut,” I said.

10. Elle McGib – Frost Maiden – Blizzardmancer – Level 13 – 100,000

“Carl, is that who I think it is?” Donut asked, pointing at the final name.

I nodded. Holy shit. Wheelchair-bound, dementia-suffering Mrs. McGibbons, one of the residents of the Meadow Lark Adult Care Community, was on the list. She was only level 13, having started the third floor as a level one.

How in the hell had that...

“Fuck,” I said to the empty room.