Thirdly: do still catch yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior in what is now the past? Do you say to yourself that you must be at least partly to blame for the insults, criticisms, infidelities and attempts to 'gaslight' you, that you endured? It's true, no-one's perfect; but if you hardly ever returned his insults, didn't dare to criticize him for things in his own life, were never unfaithful, and never tried to confuse him... how is it that you're trying to share the blame for his doing that to you?
