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I’m going to keep everyone else safe… if I’m going to keep Keenan safe… As the thought enters my mind, I release a little bit of the overwhelming sadness that is drowning me. I won’t be able to get through this if I am solely focused on my grief and heartbreak. Instead, I reach out and embrace darkness as if it is an old friend.
One I’ve known for years but never really given much attention to. To protect him… you must surrender. To protect him… you must surrender. To save Key, I need to completely submit to Shay.
When I peer through my lashes, I can see the look of satisfaction on his face, how smug he is, and it only fuels my resentment and anger. I’m so fucking furious, so livid and broken that this man who was once my whole world and my savior, has literally stolen my freedom from me.
For a while, we say nothing, and gradually, my heart slows its racing pace. After another minute, I sense that all too familiar feeling of disgust, shame, and overwhelming resentment, slowly seep into my mind.
Hey Sunshine…
🫶🏾
But… and this is a huge one… I am not Shay’s equal. I’m not. In the end, it is all about him. It is about making him happy. Making sure he is okay.
Even if his love is unstable and forbidding, it is still love, isn't it? Isn’t that a good thing? Shay loves me. He loves me more than anything. So I should be happy.
This isn’t love, that voice cries louder now. He can’t truly love you for you while he’s trying to mold you into what he wants.
My protector had turned into my tormentor, and now, he is something I don’t know how to live without. He is the only one that makes me feel truly loved and safe. He is all I have.
