Single On Purpose: Prioritizing Self-Love and Personal Growth in Your Journey Through Life, Dating, and Relationships

by John Kim

A thriving relationship is one in which two whole people come together and do life with each other, not at or around each other.

A healthy relationship with your body will give you balance and permission to be yourself. The relationship isn’t contingent on how you look, and you don’t slide into a well of shame when you think you don’t measure up.

Just because you have a history doesn’t mean you have a healthy friendship.

Set the intention to make new friends. Pick a community you want to engage with. Put yourself out there and say yes to everything.

We are still walking reactions bouncing off our experiences like pinballs. We wear adult clothes and go out to fancy dinners we can’t afford.

But Kelly LeBrock never walked in. Only my mom, to ask me if I was hungry.

But working on your relationship with yourself isn’t just about doing things alone. It’s about being alone. On purpose.

Here are some of my non-negotiables. I will never be in an abusive relationship, neither physical nor emotional. I don’t care if she blows my socks off and the chemistry is out of this universe. This is a very hard line. I will not be with someone who does not support my passions or champion my story. She doesn’t have to agree with me on everything or like the same things I like, but she has to support who I am and what I stand for. I will not be with someone who does not take care of herself. This is not just about working out or maintaining a certain physical appearance. I will not be with someone who ignores her mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. I will not be in a lopsided friendship. That’s one where you always have to come to the other person, and where they always make it about them and never hold space for you. Friendships that are superficial.

Don’t find someone on Craigslist. We don’t want you to end up in a trunk.

Closure means making a decision to let go of their journey and focus on your own. And also not checking old email accounts.

Worth is something you build.

Most people think they can white-knuckle their way to worth. But you can’t. It’s a process. More accurately, a space.