Single On Purpose: Prioritizing Self-Love and Personal Growth in Your Journey Through Life, Dating, and Relationships

by John Kim

The truth is, we’re humans and we’re not meant to do life alone. We want to love someone. And that’s okay. We’re biologically built that way. What’s not okay is losing ourselves because we don’t have someone to love. Or losing ourselves in the person we’ve chosen to love.

I have felt that deep loneliness, the kind that keeps you from washing your hair or wearing anything but sweats.

Because there’s more to life than who we choose to love.

What breaks us is not losing a job, or friends, or even a marriage. What breaks us is drifting away from ourselves for too long. It’s not a single event. It’s that gradual drift.

Doing things for the outcome rather than for the joy of the process disconnects you from yourself.

Self-care doesn’t mean bubble baths and fancy brunches. It really means taking care of yourself daily like you would for someone you love. It means breaking the pattern of putting yourself last. It means not taking on everything. Not overextending yourself. It means blowing out the candle when it’s burning at both ends. It means saying no to things. It means considering your own needs, not over others’ needs but with them, and meeting your needs.

How you talk to yourself is actually more important than how you treat yourself. Because how you talk to yourself will determine how you treat yourself. Words turn into actions more easily than actions turn into words.

If you see yourself as an experiment and distance yourself from your thinking so you stop allowing your thoughts to have power over you, you can do more than you believe you can.

will never be in an abusive relationship, neither physical nor emotional.

Just as we’re responsible for our own happiness in our relationship, we are also responsible for how we look and feel about ourselves. That is not your partner’s responsibility.

Beauty is about not being judgmental, about depth, about awareness of self and your effect on others through your words and actions. It’s about thoughtfulness, support, communication, banter, eye contact. Beauty lies in having your own life. In love and appreciation for your body, in having an open mind, in being open to different perspectives and opinions, in trying to understand before trying to be understood. Beauty is being gentle but strong, careful with your words, and able to forgive right away instead of holding on to resentment. Beauty is honest and consistent communication. Beauty is not complaining, not seeing yourself as a victim, not making everything about you. Beauty is lining up your actions with your words, practicing gratitude and compassion, believing in things greater than yourself, standing for something, giving people the benefit of the doubt even though you’ve been hurt many times. Beauty is also being able to draw strong healthy boundaries with a Sharpie instead of chalk. Beauty is the fire in your belly flamed daily by action. Beauty is vulnerability, commitment, consistency, communication, standing in your truth. Beauty is responding instead of reacting. Beauty is leaning into and growing through life’s turbulence. Beauty is being able to look inward and love hard by loving responsibly.

!!!

love takes time.

If you don’t create a new definition of love, you will always attract and repeat the same love experiences.