Single On Purpose: Prioritizing Self-Love and Personal Growth in Your Journey Through Life, Dating, and Relationships

by John Kim

The truth is, we’re humans and we’re not meant to do life alone. We want to love someone. And that’s okay. We’re biologically built that way. What’s not okay is losing ourselves because we don’t have someone to love. Or losing ourselves in the person we’ve chosen to love.

Because there’s more to life than who we choose to love.

You must be with yourself first.

Singlehood isn’t just about being single. Singlehood is about being a whole person.

A thriving relationship is one in which two whole people come together and do life with each other, not at or around each other.

if you muster the courage to start working on yourself instead of just focusing on who you’re going to love, the universe will work through you to make your story bigger than you.

times: What if you never find a partner?

the core, it’s the deep belief that you will always be alone. It’s hopelessness. That’s what’s crippling. To turn the lights on and get rid of this heavy shadow, you must face this belief head on. How? Accept it. Fully.

Radical acceptance is the practice of accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot

change. Radical acceptance is about saying yes to lif...

Asking myself Where am I going? before asking myself Who is going with me?

Love and relationships are only one part of your life, not your entire life. There are so many other aspects of your life that are meaningful and fulfilling. Your art. Your career. Exercising your voice and the dent you’re going to make in this world. Your friendships. Your family. Your passions and hobbies. Your curiosity leading you to explore, learn, grow, and expand. When you actually build your own life, a life that is honest to you and stands on its own, the fear of being alone starts to fade.

if you don’t start with truth, you’re really not starting.

We continue to drift further from ourselves, and the more we disconnect from ourselves, the more we crave connecting with someone else.

It’s easier to get into a relationship to “fix” a feeling of hopelessness or boredom. But the call is coming from inside the house—until you resolve it, the disconnect with who you really are is going to haunt you. No perfect partner can replace that. You have to deal with it at some point.

Doing things for the outcome rather than for the joy of the process disconnects you from yourself.

What relationships are we living chasing an outcome but without living the joy of the journey?

We are not born just to do things. Or just to love other people. Our potency and our path forward are first found in our connection with ourselves. And it’s through this connection, this evolving, growing, expanding relationship with ourselves, that we honestly, genuinely, and meaningfully do things and love people.

What have you been through and how has that

changed you?

When did you feel the most comfortable in your body? What’s changed since then? What happened that disconnected you from your body? Marriage? Kids? A toxic relationship? Work stress?

Reflection

Now take a moment and ask yourself: How are you connecting to your spirit today? Or are you? When did you listen to your true spirit and allow it to dance? Or have you ever? What happened that killed your spirit? Choosing a career path you never wanted? Not giving yourself any time for yourself? Not doing things that are fun, that make you feel alive, that matter to you?

Reflection

Reconnecting with your spirit can be anything that brings you back to yourself, that makes you feel alive and human. That allows the essence of you to shine.

A feeling. It reminded her of who she really was. We processed this. I asked her to describe the feeling. She said the guitar made her feel “heard, invincible, and a badass,” like she felt roaming the empty hallways when she was supposed to be in class. Then I asked her: “In what areas of your life are you not feeling heard, invincible, or a badass?” All of them, she said.

Coaching

But what’s important is that she started on the journey. Because without going on a journey, you cannot come back to the village changed, with a new story you wrote yourself. Not the one written for you by someone else.

reconnecting with the spirit of the person you used to be when you liked yourself.

Liking yourself requires a journey.

Ask yourself when you felt most alive.

It’s about finding something that produces that same feeling so you can reconnect with your spirit.

Don’t just write down ideas. Write down the actions you can take, and then execute them. Start the journey of liking yourself.

Idea to action

It’s not about the activity. It’s about the connection. Are you connecting with yourself? Leaning into the discomfort of sitting with yourself? Or are you on your phone and in your head the entire time, running a to-do list or ruminating on why you

Self-care is a lifestyle.

Self-care is where a better you is born. It’s your own soil for growth.

Instead, think of it as connecting to yourself or disconnecting from yourself.

It’s that simple. Self-care is connecting to self. No self-care is disconnecting from self.

How is your relationship with yourself these days? Forget about loving yourself. Do you even like yourself? If not, why? What happened? Is there something you need to let go of or accept? Do you need to forgive yourself for something? Do you need to cut the bond keeping what you do tied up with what you’re worth? Are you answering honestly?

to love someone means to respect them, treat them well, allow them to be heard, validate and support them, and champion their story.

Not just in action but also in words. Actions and words go hand in hand. If someone treats you well but speaks to you like shit, that’s not love. Or if someone speaks to you with love and kindness but treats you like shit, that’s not love. It comes down to actions and words, and they should line up. That’s how you love someone. Anything else isn’t love. And if it’s not love, there is no way to build a healthy relationship.

Dropping into your body is the process of becoming a whole person. It’s accepting yourself in action. You can’t know yourself if you don’t drop into your body. It’s your body that has the answers, not your mind.

What’s the difference between moving your body and moving with your body?

Feeling hopeless without relief is the fastest route to depression.

But feeding your soul isn’t always about doing things that feel good. It’s about doing what makes you feel alive, and alive sometimes lives near death.

relationships. It’s not about the activity. It’s about doing something that puts you in touch with the universe.

Feeding your soul is the action part of building a better relationship with yourself. Giving yourself what you need. Because that’s where your truth lives. In your soul. Not in your mind.

You connect to yourself by having a better relationship with your soul.

The point is to have real friends.

Friends who feel honest to you with where you’re at in your life. Friends who encourage your connection to self.

that no force has a greater impact on the relationship you have with yourself than the relationships you have had with others.

Chaos. Impulsiveness. Unpredictability. Reactiveness. Control. Neediness. Codependency. Enmeshment.

When we combine finding our value in someone else with what smells familiar, we get unhealthy dysfunctional love that feels fucking amazing.

Dysfunctional love

Whatever you push down will always come back up.