Bridget's Bane (Icehome, #12)

by Ruby Dixon

"How is it that when we get stranded, we end up on Vagina Beach but when Lauren gets re-stranded, she gets a tropical island filled with beefcake?

"Woof," Flor purrs. "I'll be that one's chihuahua any day of the week. He's fucking gorgeous."

Dude's got a baseball bat between his legs. He's hairless here, of all things, but I can see a heavy set of balls, that weird spur-thing that everyone giggles about, and most of all, what has to be at least a foot of extremely thick, veiny dick.

He's definitely less David and more Goliath in the loincloth.

"You use it to eat." "Aaaah." I take it from her and nibble on the stuff scooped onto the “spoon.” "My thanks." "Don't mention it." Another custom? I nod. "If you like, I will never speak of it again." She chuckles as if I have said something amusing,

Apparently I am super into dick.

"This is all very Tarzan of you, you know." When he cocks his head at the unfamiliar word, confused, I wave it off. "Never mind. I just…" I glance around, then get to my feet, gesturing at one of the vines growing out of the cliffs. "You can help me collect seeds." "I will enjoy that," A'tam tells me. "No one will be better at collecting seeds than me." "You're lucky you're pretty," I murmur. "Anyone else might not get away with all this."

"So you do find me attractive?" I give him an exasperated look. "Did you seek me out just so we could talk about how hot you are?" "Of course not." He scoffs. "I wanted to learn your name, too."

"Why do you not have a tail?" he returns immediately. I laugh again. "Why do you think a tail is the default? What if I'm the normal one and you're the weirdo?" "Bah. A tail is normal. Look at the creatures in the wild and tell me how many do not have tails." A'tam shakes his head, scanning the cliffs. "Show me where to get these seeds." Mmm, excellent point.

"Your hut sucks, dude. I hope you don't do everything so half-assed." "There are some things I do with my full ass," A'tam murmurs, giving me a playful look, and he tugs on my pants.

"You have fur," he breathes, fascinated. "You don't?" But that's a silly question. I know he doesn't.

The man has a goddamn club between his legs. I'm…not sure how that's going to feel good.

I suck in a breath, stunned. That…hurt. A lot. To my horror, I realize that his cock is really, really big and my body is not equipped to handle it. I’m too small for alien dick. And I want him off of me.

It’s like I’m being fucked by a battering ram and I’m too stunned to say anything.

You couldn't pay me enough to endure another round of sex with the man. It was easily the worst experience of my life…and I've been kidnapped by aliens.

Once upon a time, A'tam's smile was all I needed for my day to become brighter. I looked forward to waking up just so I could spend time around him that day. Each furtive caress was a promise, and his laughter warmed the darkest parts of my soul. Being around A'tam made everything on this icy beach not so terrible. And then he showed up with the Godzilla in his pants and dicked my dreams away. I wasn't a virgin that night, but I can definitely say A'tam was far too big, far too enthusiastic, and I was sore for days afterward. Never again. Ever.

"Then I would like to go back as we were," he says in a low voice. "As friends."

"If all I can have is your friendship, B'shit, then I will take it." "Bridget," I correct as he heads out the cave, but I'm not as irked as I normally am.

Even so, Raven just makes it all look so easy that I hoped maybe I'd pick up a few things from her. That she'd be able to unlock the secret sex kitten lurking just under the skin. Turns out that the only thing lurking under my skin are lead feet. Sigh.

Out of everyone that's landed here, only me, Flor, Steph, Sam and Tia haven't resonated.

And then, of course, he'd think we're back together, pull out his Godzilla dick, and try and cram it in my ‘petite’ vagina, and then I'd be right back to square one with him. And I…don't know what I want, but I know I don't want that. I think.

but I hear my mother's voice in my head. You can't finish anything on your own. You're just like your father. You never commit to anything. Someone always has to pick up the pieces that you scatter.

After all, he'll eventually tire himself out, right? Isn't that how fishing works on the TV shows when they have a big catch?

He finally grabs it and reaches under the waves, then comes up with my fish. It's an ugly, plated monstrosity. It's also barely the size of my arm, which is depressing given that it felt like a whale on the end of the rod.

I wonder if I'm cursed to be just as miserable as she is. Depressing thought.

No one's avoiding me. I know this in my heart, but the small, defiant part of me worries that everyone in the tribe hates me somehow.

"B'shit," A'tam calls, moving to stand next to me. "Do not go. Let me explain." "For the hundredth time, it's Bridget," I snap at him. "For a man that says he likes me a lot, you sure haven't bothered to learn my name." And I storm away.

Have you said, 'My lovely Bridget, I adore you and want to love you forever, but I do not understand your reticence'? Or do you just go up to her and beat your chest and declare that she is your female?" I say nothing, scowling. D'see sighs. "It's the latter, isn't it?" "…Maybe."

I turn around and look for D'see. The female is easy to find—like a piss stain on snow in all that yellow—and she holds the spear I gave her between two fingers as she chats with R'jaal and I'rec. Both of the males look as if they are doing their best not to laugh. I bite back a sigh. "Something tells me this hunt will be…interesting."

"Are you sure you are not hurt?" "Just my pride." And my ankle. And my back.

"My goodness. How did I not realize an ice planet would have so much snow?"

"For the fucking thousandth time, that is not my name! Why can't you just say my fucking name?" And she bursts into tears.

"Your braids are attractive. And your figure is very nice, even if you do not have a tail." I think for a moment and add, "And I like your teats." She stares up at me, bewildered.

"So, what, is this your thing now? You're going to go around and collect women like Pokémon?

"I like that you are full of fire, B'shit. But fire can burn if it is not controlled." "Well, that sounded deep." I chuckle and turn back to my work. "It was not meant to. I just…sometimes I am tired of getting burned." "Me too," B'shit says in a small voice.

I'm just tired of having to constantly be on guard around A'tam. I'm tired of being his enemy when all I wanted was to be…his.

Maybe it's just like my back, and I pulled a muscle somewhere. It needs to rest and ice…and luckily we have a lot of ice. A whole damn planet-full of ice.

"Stubborn little kaari," he murmurs. "Why are you so against asking for help? Why do you not want anyone to see your weaknesses?" I shift on the blankets. "Because they'll use them against me." "You think I would do that to you?" "Yes," I say immediately. Haven't we both said things we didn't mean in the heat of an argument right in front of everyone in camp? That's part of the problem. There are no secrets in the encampment, and our business becomes everyone's business when a voice is slightly raised. I know I've argued with intent to hurt, using words to draw blood, and I know he has, too. It's one reason we're no good together. "That wounds me," A'tam says, and he sounds sincere. "I never wish to cause you pain."

She thinks I want nothing from her but simple rutting. I do wish to mate with her. This is true. I want to see her belly filled with my kit. I want to resonate to her. It is more than that, though. I want her to know she is mine. To realize that we are a pair. That we are one spirit in two bodies and we are no longer alone.

But…the sex was goddamn awful. Awful to the point that I can't get over it. I'd rather have my wisdom teeth extracted by an ice planet dentist than go through that again.

"I'm fine, really," I say, even as he drapes it around my shoulders. "You don't have to do that." "I do not have to do anything, yet I would like for you to be warm,"

"You know how people say it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean? It's true. He could have the world's smallest dick, but if he knows how to get you off, it won't matter. It goes for the other side, too. If he has an abnormally enormous cock, it's his responsibility—and yes, I'm using the word ‘responsibility’—to make sure that you're wet enough and ready to take him. I mean, for fuck's sake, we have babies come out of our bodies. You think your pussy can't handle a big dick? I call bullshit on that."

"Try 'communication,'" Raven says flatly. "If you don't tell him what he's doing wrong, how's he ever going to know how to please you?"

Her face brightens. "But I think I know just what you need." "You do?" I swear to god, I'm going to die if she comes back with the ice planet version of a dildo so I can learn how to pleasure myself. I will just sink right through the floorboards of this hut and melt into the sand.

"You will get sand in uncomfortable places and the shell-walkers will pinch this tender skin of yours." As if to prove his point, he pinches my butt.

"The moment I landed on this shore, I saw very many attractive females. They smiled and they laughed, and this beach felt very welcoming. There was one female that had bright eyes and a wide smile, and she liked to tease me as much as she liked to smile at me. This, I thought, was the finest female, and because I like the best things, I wished her for myself. So yes, I have always wanted you."

But maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if your dick wasn't so…so…" I gesture at all of him. "Big." He tilts his head, astonished. "Big?" "Gargantuan," I admit in a small voice. "Far too big for my body. And between those two things, I just thought I would call things off between us. That we weren't compatible in the furs. But we seem to keep coming back together, and now with resonance…" I trail off, gesturing at the two of us. "Here we are."

"You think my cock is too big," he echoes, a frown on his face. "This is not possible."

"Unfortunately it's the one thing you seem to think with."

"I just told you that you weren't good at sex and you said I was wrong⁠—" "Because you are wrong," he agrees. "I am sure I am quite good. You said my enormous cock was the problem." "No, I said there were two problems. Your enormous cock and the fact that you don't know how to use it!"