The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

by Ross W. Greene

Strategy #1: Reflective listening—simply saying back to the child whatever they just said to you—often followed by clarifying statements, like “How so?” or “I don’t quite understand” or “I’m confused” or “Can you say more about that?” or “What do you mean?” This is your default drilling strategy, and the one you’ll be using most often. If you’re drilling and you get stuck and aren’t sure what to say, reflective listening and clarifying statements are always a safe bet. Strategy #2: Asking questions beginning with the words who, what, where, or when. Strategy #3: Asking about the situational variability of the unsolved problem; in other words, why is the child meeting the expectation sometimes and not other times? Strategy #4: Asking the child what they’re thinking in the midst of the unsolved problem. Notice it doesn’t say feeling. While it’s fine to understand a child’s feelings in response to an unsolved problem, asking about what they’re thinking is more likely to provide information about what’s making it hard to meet the expectation. Strategy #5: Breaking the unsolved problem down into its component parts. Many unsolved problems—for example, getting ready for bed at night, getting ready for school in the morning—have multiple components. But kids sometimes need help identifying those components so they can pinpoint which component is causing them difficulty. Strategy #6: Making a discrepant observation. This is where you’re making an observation that differs from info...