The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

by Ross W. Greene

You know the things that are commonly said about kids who exhibit concerning behaviors: they’re manipulative, attention-seeking, unmotivated, stubborn, willful, intransigent, bratty, spoiled, controlling, resistant, out of control, and defiant. There’s more: they are skilled at testing limits, pushing buttons, coercing adults into giving in, and getting their way. You know (perhaps from personal experience) the things that are said about their parents: they’re passive, permissive, inconsistent, neglectful, inept disciplinarians. They botched the job. Don’t believe any of it. First, most parents of kids with concerning behaviors have other children who are well-behaved, so unless they made the conscious decision to parent competently with one child and incompetently with another, blaming parents for a child’s concerning behavior is a nonstarter. Second, kids who exhibit concerning behaviors don’t exhibit those behaviors all the time, just sometimes. That’s a very big deal, because it permits us to take a closer look at the specific conditions in which they’re exhibiting concerning behaviors.