Flowers in the Dark: Reclaiming Your Power to Heal from Trauma with Mindfulness

by Dang Nghiem

We may even believe it’s normal to think all the time, when we’re awake or even when we’re sleeping. But it’s not normal, in fact. Thay called it “the nonstop radio of the mind.” Indeed, it is life leakage, losing our life energy through every thought that is undetected and unrecognized.

Let’s try this practice. For example, say you have a negative thought toward yourself, such as “That’s awful!” or “That was really dumb what I said.” Breathe, smile, and ask yourself, “You think so?”

Our breaths are physiological manifestations of our mind. When we are anxious, we breathe differently; when we are startled, we hold our breath; and when are angry, our breathing becomes faster and shallower. As we relax, our breathing becomes slower and deeper, and we can feel the rising and the falling of our abdomen.

Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, which I learned in medical school, have remained with me as a useful framework that fits well with Buddhist practice. According to Erikson, we develop in stages in life, from childhood through old age, moving through crises of opposing values, namely trust versus mistrust, autonomy versus shame and doubt, initiative versus guilt, industry or achievement versus inferiority, identity versus role confusion, intimacy versus isolation, generativity versus stagnation, and integrity versus despair.

In all meditation practices, it is essential to listen to your breath and to your body at the beginning and throughout the session.

We encourage lay people to consider taking the basic precepts of the Five Mindfulness Trainings as a foundational moral code, which makes our society a safer place for everyone, especially children and families.

Through the application of mindfulness, I gain the necessary energy to heal and help others heal. The healer, the healed, and the healing are no longer separate entities. They inter-are.

In the true spirit of aimlessness, you can live your life and do what you need to do, but you are actually resting in nirvana. Every moment that your mind rests brightly and peacefully in the here and now, it is a delicious lazy moment, a moment of nirvana.

Whatever is overwhelming, unspeakable, unacceptable, and untransformed by us will be transmitted to the next generation. Whatever we cannot transform, we will transmit.

The nineteenth-century French psychologist Pierre Janet said, “Traumatic stress is an illness of not being able to be fully alive in the present.” The truth is that most of us are not able to be fully present and fully alive in the present moment. Thus, it is an invaluable help to be able to recognize that, “This is an in-breath. This is an out-breath” and to rest in the breath, “Breathing in, I am aware that I am still alive. Breathing out, I smile to life.” Or we can affectionately say, “Hello dear me. I know I am still here, and I am thankful.”

Of course, if it is extremely triggering to follow the breath, we can practice being aware of our steps, our hands, or of a part of our body that is more neutral or safe to us. We can come back to the practice of mindful breathing later when we feel more stable in our body and mind.

Remember that meditation is like a bird with two wings—one is stopping and the other deep looking. In sitting meditation, whether it is silent or guided, we always start with stopping. We stop the mind from ceaseless thinking and aimless wandering by bringing the mind back, first to the breathing, and then to the body. Once the mind is anchored stably in the breath and body in the here and now, we can proceed to the second wing of meditation with a specific topic for contemplation.

Rather than a moral code that we must believe and stick to blindly, we practice the trainings and observe the benefits. It is like training in a martial art like aikido; there’s no use just looking at the list of principles. We commit ourselves to the training with diligence to increase our strength and resiliency in order to heal past traumas, to prevent creating further traumas, and to live our life with renewed intention each day.

To be able to simply sit with oneself, breathe with oneself, be with what is arising within and without, and not being pushed or pulled by it—even if you just touch one moment of this, you will see that it is like a superpower, conferring great happiness and freedom! Then you practice cultivating more of these moments, removing the sense of separateness bit by bit so that you can simply be. Eventually, the duality of what we call right view versus wrong view will not have to be there either.

I have learned to tell myself “I love you” a hundred times a day. When I wake up, before I go to sleep, in the bathroom, while I am waiting for somebody, whenever I have pain.