Once There Were Wolves

by Charlotte McConaghy

“Waste is the true enemy of the planet,”

“I’ll alert the villagers to lock up their wives and daughters. The big bad wolves are coming.” I meet his eyes. “If I were you I’d be more worried about the wives and daughters going out to run with the wolves.”

you’re too kind, Inti. If you’re not careful—if you’re not vigilant—someone’s going to hurt you.

The vital predation element of the ecosystem has been missing in this land for hundreds of years, since wolves were hunted to extinction. Killing the wolves was a massive blunder on our part. Ecosystems need apex predators because they elicit dynamic ecological changes that ripple down the food chain, and these are known as ‘trophic cascades.’ With their return the landscape will change for the better—more habitats for wildlife will be created, soil health increased, flood waters reduced, carbon emissions captured. Animals of all shapes and sizes will return to these lands.”

“Deer eat tree and plant shoots so that nothing has a chance to grow. We are overrun with deer. But wolves cull that deer population, and keep it moving, which allows for natural growth of plants and vegetation, which encourages pollinating insects and smaller mammals and rodents to return, which in turn allows the return of birds of prey, and by keeping the fox population in check the wolves also allow medium-sized animals to thrive, such as badgers and beavers. Trees can grow again, creating the air we breathe. When an ecosystem is varied, it is healthy, and everything benefits from a healthy natural ecosystem.”

“If you truly think wolves are the blood spillers, then you’re blind,” I say. “We do that. We are the people killers, the children killers. We’re the monsters.”

“I’ve seen wolves change the course of rivers.”

It frightened her that I didn’t know how to protect myself, because what kind of creature is born without this instinct?

We have to do our bit to slow the changing of our planet’s climate, to halt its degradation. That means reducing our impact as much as we can, living as lightly upon this Earth as we’re able. We’re not here to consume until everything’s gone—we are custodians, not owners. And if others won’t do their part in turning the tide then we must do more than our share.

“There is no tracking a wolf,” Dad said. “They are cleverer than we are. So instead you track its prey.”

“You must know monsters well, wolf girl.” “I’ve never met one in the wild. They don’t live there.”

And then comes something else, raising the hairs on my neck. It sounds like a distant ocean. Or the first stirrings of a storm. Wind in the canopy of trees. “That’s the sound of wolves whispering.” Duncan opens his eyes. “Two separate packs, speaking to each other as they draw near.” It is eerie and so beautiful. “Nobody knew they did this until they were recorded,” I say. “An accident.”

“Wolves get lonely, same as us. Difference is that for wolves being alone makes them vulnerable, while for humans it keeps us safe.”

“God help me. You ever cut into the trunk of a tree and opened it up, and seen what’s inside?” I nod. I’ve never cut one myself, but I’ve seen. “The patterns are like sound waves, and none of them alike. Hundreds of years old, sometimes, and no one has ever laid eyes on them before. You’re the first person to see the tree’s heart.” “But then you’ve killed it,” I murmur, defeated.

“It’s interesting to me that some creatures can pass on memories, and that some memories are so deep they can live in the body instead of only in the mind.”

“Tell me if you think he’s a good man or not.” “I think he’s human.” “Yeah, that’s what I suspected.”

“Everything dies.” “Not everything gets killed.”

I was repairing a brain bleed. My hand slipped. I killed a woman.” I didn’t know what to say, turning this over in my head. “I never told Aggie,” he admitted. “Why not?” “A woman doesn’t need to know that about her husband.” I frowned and looked at him in the starlight. “The truth?” “That he can make mistakes.”

I think he must be a good man. But nobody is only one thing.

Look for lies.” “How do I spot the lies?” “Assume it’s all lies, and then prove what’s true.”

You come along, all right? We don’t bite.” “Neither do the animals. Mostly.” He eyes me as I pour the water into the cups. “Why are you here, wolf girl?” “I’m a woman,” I tell him. Douglas’s face creases into a smile. “Beg your pardon. Wolf woman.” I hand him his mug and lean against the kitchen counter. “I don’t really know, Douglas. I don’t actually know.” “You’re doing a good thing.” My mouth opens in surprise. “You think so?” Douglas nods. “Aren’t you worried about your sheep? Everyone else is.” “The time for sheep is over,” he says simply, and sips his tea.

“I think most of me got left behind in Dad’s forest. And now I’m all the things I hate.”

“If you come across a wolf in the forest and it doesn’t flee from you, I want you to remember one thing. Never run from it. If you face a wolf you will scare it. If you run, it will hunt you.”

The creature ahead lets out a howl. The language of the most territorial creature on Earth, warning me to back off or continue at my own peril.

I think the human body is a failure of evolution because it was not meant to withstand this, our shape is wrong, our capacity is wrong, and yet women do this every day and they survive and so that’s what I’ll do,

But the immensity of a will is still nothing, not compared with the body. The body is master of us, and it can only be asked for so much.