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She hadn’t. I just wasn’t finished with her yet, and I knew if I let her go now, I would end up dragging her back to finish what we started. That felt too close to monogamy for me to stomach. Not to mention, it would probably be a much more difficult task to get her into my bed with her father’s head as a centerpiece on my table.
fasta (n.) unwavering in devotion to friend or vow or cause
I thought he was so busy reporting posts on Instagram he didn’t notice her painfully obvious interest—that is, until his eyes lifted from his phone, caught mine, and flickered with devious amusement. Ugh. “Mogu ya predlozhit’ vam chto-nibud’ yeshche?” the maid asked Ronan in a sultry voice. I didn’t need to know Russian to understand she’d just questioned if she could “tempt” him with anything else.
“I’m sincerely begging you,” I said, a tear leaking down my cheek. “If you let Ivan go, I swear, you can have anything you want from me.”
“If you kill Ivan, you might as well kill me.” Ronan paused, but after a few seconds passed, he walked away, leaving me on the floor as desolate as always.
súton (n.) the end of something
I’d always taken his presence for granted. I refused to do the same with his life.
“I would ask if he has touched you, but I already know the answer. Out of all the men in Moscow, you had to go and fuck him?”
“If I am going to die,” he said with a dark form of amusement, “I may as well go out with a bang.”
“Whose collateral?” Click. I swallowed. “Yours.” “Who else’s?”
“Your misery, your attention, your body—all mine.”
“I’m a virgin.” He didn’t even consider it before laughing humorlessly. “You’re such a fucking liar.” I shouldn’t have cried wolf so many times. Now, it was going to screw me over—literally.
“Don’t worry, kotyonok . . .” He leaned in and nuzzled my neck, his warm breath raising goose bumps on my skin. “Ya vyyebu vsyu lozh iz tebya.” The statement
Ronan dropped my other leg, gripped my face, and forced my gaze to meet his. “Eto moye.” This is mine. He punctuated the harsh words by scissoring his fingers inside of me.
“Don’t stop,” I breathed. “Ty dash’ mne trakhnut tebya?” I didn’t know what he said, but I wasn’t sure I’d comprehend the words even if he spoke them in English.
Ronan’s heart pounded against my chest, every inch of his body tense. “Kotyonok . . . yesli ya—” He clenched his teeth and tried again in English. “If I pull out, will I have blood on my cock?”
“Fuck,” he growled before closing his eyes and exhaling. “Please tell me you’re just a really tight and emotional fuck, Mila.”
I just gave my virginity to the most charming man in Europe.
“Malen’kaya lgunishka . . .” he rasped, confirming I bled.
“Fuck.” Ronan pushed away from me like I was on fire, releasing an angry, tortured growl as if I was the villain in the room who just stole his innocence. He left me lying there naked, a shaky coldness in my veins and an emptiness swelling between my legs.
“I don’t fuck virgins, kotyonok.” It was an icy, uncompromising statement. I flinched as if he’d slapped me. The words were a blow considering he just took something I couldn’t give to anyone else and then threw it away like it inconvenienced him. My heart clenched. I hadn’t felt so vulnerable in my entire life. A hot and heavy mass invaded my throat.
“I wanted rose petals and lit candles for my first time, but, really, what could outdo this?” His back was to me like he didn’t even want to look at me. “Trust me, I did you a favor.”
“You aren’t leaving this goddamn room,” he gritted, looking completely disgusted with me. Today was going to give me a massive complex. “Sit.”
“I can’t fuck you like that, kotyonok.” I didn’t want to talk to him right now, but I was also too curious to let the brewing question go. “Like what?” “How you need it.”
“Can I go now?” He held my stare for a beat, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Nyet.” I sighed in frustration. “What else do you need from me tonight? I don’t care if you send me five peach emojis, I’m not giving you my anal virginity too.” “Fuck,” he chuckled roughly. “Stop talking about being a virgin.” “Why? Does it make you feel guilty?”
“It’s . . . gross.” A second passed, and I thought he wanted to laugh, but the humor was contained by the intensity in his gaze. “As much as I wish otherwise, there is nothing about you I could find gross.”
“Fuck, kotyonok. Dazhe tvoya kiska na vkus kak klubnika.”
xanthophobia (n.) fear of the color yellow
shouldn’t have taken her so hard even believing she wasn’t a virgin. I especially shouldn’t have continued to fuck her after learning the truth, unable to find the will to stop right away. My conscience was having a party—with tea and biscuits and pathetic deflating balloons. It was uncomfortable as fuck.
Though another part surfaced, telling me I took her virginity. She was mine.
Though a heavy weight sat on my chest over how things went down tonight and that I wasn’t sure I’d have stopped if Mila didn’t give in. I may be on a straight path to hell, but I’d never forced a woman before.
Like what product would wash off the virgin blood still gripping my dick like a vise.
“You’re all going to be vegans in no time.” Xander dropped
“Please don’t eat me,” I blurted unsteadily. “I won’t taste very good to you. I’m vegan.”
“Nobody will miss me.” A cold nose sniffed my cheek. “My mother’s dead and was apparently a sadist. My papa’s also a terrible person and will probably be tortured to death soon. Ivan thinks I’m a traitor.” A tear escaped. “The way it’s looking, if I get out of here alive, I’m going to end up in the sex industry.” The words came out with a sob. “And I’ll only make pennies because I’m an emotional fuck.”
“I knew there was a chance he would bite me, but I helped him anyway. It’s my fault, not his!”
“Go. Inside.” His voice was calm, but the edges were rough, commanding absolute obedience and twisting my resolve. His gaze penetrated my blood with ice. He would do this no matter how much I begged. He would destroy Khaos and stomp on my soft heart in the process. Because I was worthless to him. Just like I was to my papa, to The Moorings, and to Ivan. But now I’d experienced a tiny slice of belonging in getting through to Khaos, I refused to let Ronan steal it from me. Contempt swallowed me whole, lighting a fire in my veins.
“You hurt me . . .” The quiet words disappeared in a gust of wind that sent snow whipping through the air. “And I still would have helped you. I would have saved you when you were a boy, even knowing what you would do to me . . .”
“I’ll hate you forever if you hurt him,” I said numbly. “Your dramatics are a bit much for a Tuesday morning.”
kilig (n.) the feeling of butterflies in one’s stomach
Ronan’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. I knew why he’d waited so long to follow through with his plan of revenge. He liked me. Every yellow, rebellious, heart-on-my-sleeve inch of me.
When someone calls you a whore, you get the fuck out of their bed,” I growled. “It’s called having a little self-respect.”
“I’m not that delicate. Just fuck me like you would Nadia.” My entire body quieted. The fact that shit just came out of her mouth sent a wave of fury down my spine. In a flash, I threw her onto her hands and knees, yanked her head back by her hair, and pressed my hard cock against her ass. “This?” I growled. “This is how you want me to fuck you?” She panted, not resisting the hold I had on her hair, before saying harshly, “As long as it lasts longer than two seconds this time.”
“I don’t want to hear that name on your lips ever again.” “Why not?” “Because I fucking said so.”
“I know you can take me, kotyonok . . . You’re so goddamn wet . . . This is the nicest cunt I’ve ever seen.” She finally relaxed. I watched
She groaned and dropped to her elbows, bracing her hands on the headboard. I knew this pussy was made to fuck, but . . . Jesus. I slapped her ass in frustration, and when she clenched around me, it took every ounce of restraint to maintain the slow pace.
“If it’s too much, tell me. Or I’ll stop right now.” I’d rather take a bullet than stop right now. “I told you I can take it,” she breathed. “I don’t give a fuck what you can take. I’m not into dishing out pain.” “You’re not into slow and sweet either. I don’t know what you want from me.” Insecurity touched her voice. “I want you to like it.” Fuck. She wanted to please me right now. Why did she have to be so selfless?
“Trust me, kotyonok, I’d like it if I were fucking you in slow motion.” I tugged at her tank top. “Now, take this off.”
“I want to come inside you.” I had no idea that came out of my mouth until it was too late to stop. She sighed, giving me her lazy, nonverbal consent. “Don’t let me come inside you,” I growled. I shouldn’t even be fucking her without a condom—regardless if I was clean, and so was she considering her inexperience. “I have an IUD.”
“Move,” she breathed. “No. You want your missionary fuck? Tell me who fucked you first.” “You.” She trailed her fingers up my arms, across my shoulders, and into my hair, sending a shudder down my spine. “My name, kotyonok.” “Ronan.”
