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This is Xeno ready to fight until he gets what he wants. It’s a look the three of us have experienced at least once before when we’ve fallen into a dark place, only to be pulled back out by Xeno, kicking and screaming, but fighting. He’s saved us from ourselves before, and now he’s going to do the same for Pen. Dax and York notice. The tension rises. “We’re here, always,” Xeno says, resting his hands on her feet and ducking his head to meet her gaze. “The four of us are here for you. We will teach you to fight. We will teach you to embrace the darkness...”
“We will be your light when the world gets too dark,” he continues. “We will be the lyrics in every song and the step in every dance. We’ll remind you every fucking day who you are. But know this, Tiny, if you want to learn how to kill a man, then it comes with one condition. You don’t turn your back on dance. Understand?”
Pen
My Breakers will fight me every step of the way. I know that, I love them for caring enough to try. But here’s the thing, we all know that dance isn’t going to save Lena. It’s not going to save the boys I love and it sure as fuck won’t save me.
Gone is the soothing words of love and support and in its place is something angrier, harsher. It’s like a slap in the face because I thought they got it. When they’d supported me with their presence a moment ago, I thought that they understood where I was coming from. I see now that isn’t the case. “Enough is enough, Titch.” York this time. Fuck this. I won’t be coerced.
“Titch. Stand. Now!” Pressing my eyes shut, I try to block out their voices and the music, concentrating instead on the end goal, on David’s lifeless eyes, so similar to my Mum’s, wide and vacant. Dead. Only then will I find peace. “You do not belong on the floor. Titch. Get the hell up.”
“Get the fuck up, Titch!” York roars. He stamps his feet in harsh beats all the while staring at me. Ball. Shuffle. Change. Stomp. Slide. Stamp. Stomp. Slide. Stamp. STAMP. York gets too close, and I’m forced to shuffle away from his pounding, angry feet, only to find Dax’s legs pressing into my side. I jerk away, but he crouches down, grabs my upper arm and yanks me to my feet. I try to pull free from his hold, but his fingers just curl tighter. He snarls, then lowers his mouth to my ear. “You don’t get to turn your back on dance, not because of that cunt,”
I twist on my feet and walk towards the door. “No! You’re staying.” “Get out of my way, Zayn,” I say, trying to step around him. He simply blocks my path, planting a firm hand on my shoulder. “I can’t do this.” “You face this. Right the fuck now,” he replies, twisting me around. He wraps one arm around my waist and lifts my chin firmly, his fingers digging into my skin, forcing me to look. “Do you see that? Do you see how you brought them back to life? You did that with dance, Pen. Dance brought us back together,” he repeats, hammering his point home. “It healed us. You stop dancing, then what
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But it’s Zayn’s words that hit me harder, like a punch to the stomach. I’m winded from them. “We need each other, Pen.”
Swallowing hard, I drag my gaze away from them and back to Xeno. His fingers curl around my wrist and he pulls me out of Zayn’s hold. I slam into his chest, the air forced out of my lungs. Grasping my face in his curled fingers, Xeno slams his lips against mine. I gasp, shocked by the sudden kiss as he slides his angry tongue into my mouth, bruising my lips and my heart. Gone is the man who stroked my hip with gentle fingers and in his place is the Xeno who can’t keep a lid on his emotions. Volatile. Dangerous. Unhinged. “You can only push so far until we’re forced to push back,” he says, the
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They’re warriors. Brothers. Fighters. Monsters. They’re my lovers. My best friends. My heart. They’re the other pieces of my soul.
me, tightening his hold. “I don’t fucking believe in God, Tiny, but I do believe in angels. Dax was always your dark angel, but you, you were always mine. You brought me back to life. Fuck, don’t you understand that?” “Xeno…” My voice breaks, and I will myself to gather the pieces of myself and hold them together. Strong. I have to remain strong. “Look at them!” he demands as Dax flips forward then slides into the splits at the same time as York leaps over his head, dropping to the other side.
Their eyes meet and they both nod, a silent agreement made between them as York pulls Dax to his feet. Then with their hands still joined, they press their foreheads together, their free hands reaching up and grasping each other’s shoulder. York grits his teeth, and as the next beat of the song drops, he taps in a way that reminds me of how a boxer would move his feet in a fight. Dax’s top lip curls up in a menacing glare that completely contradicts the love in his eyes. This is two powerful men facing off. Two best friends fighting for each other. For us. For me. My heart fucking swells in
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“You’re not the only one battling the violence inside. We do it every second of every day, and the only thing keeping us from fucking tearing everyone and everything apart is you. You gave us back our souls through dance. Don’t you get it? We’d become senseless, soulless creatures without you, without movement. Together.”
“No, Tiny. I won’t. You’ve seen the monsters we hide. They scared you.” I whimper at his words, at the truth I can’t deny. “Didn’t they, Tiny?” “Yes.” “And yet you’re so willing for us to become those monsters again.” “No.” I shake my head fiercely. “This isn’t about you. It’s about me, about what I’m capable of.” “That’s where you’re wrong. This is about all of us!” “Stop it,” I whimper, crying now.
“I won’t stop until you listen.” “I have to let dance go.” “No.” “Yes,” I argue. “Tiny, when you walked away before we didn’t just lose you, we lost the ability to dance, to find our home within the steps. A part of us died, Tiny.” “This is different! I’m not leaving you. I’m just not dancing. That’s all.” “Bullshit. You’re turning your back on who you are, on us as a family, a fucking crew. Fuck, I ripped myself open for you, Tiny, and for what? For you to abandon us like this?” His words hurt, scoring more pain on top of pain. When will it end? “I didn’t know how hard loving me would be,
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“If I want to survive in your world, I have to let that side of me go. Dance softens me. It makes me weak.”
“Softness gets your heart broken. Kindness makes you weak. Love makes you a burden and sweetness makes you a target. I understand that now.” “You’re so fucking wrong, Tiny. Dance has always been the key. Always. It gave you strength when you felt weak. It gave you a voice when you didn’t have the words to speak. It’s what bound five broken souls together and made them one unit. Dance is your greatest weapon, our greatest weapon. It always has been. We were never weaker than when we were apart, absent of dance.”
“No? Then let us remind you what we look like without dance,” he says, letting me go with a shove. I fall back against a firm chest. Zayn’s chest. A moment later, a blade is pressed against my throat. “Zayn, what are you doing?” I stiffen, fear cutting off my tears as I’m reminded of that night when Frederico threatened my life and died for it. “Showing you the monster buried inside,” he replies, his voice dark, unrecognisable. Xeno, Dax and York step forward. Something about them shifts. Something that scares me. Gone is the compassion, the protectiveness, the fierce, undeniable love, and
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“Because the way I see it, dance is the only thing stopping us from losing our souls and letting out these monsters once and for all. The four of us have been walking a tightrope for years. Balancing on a thin length of rope, holding onto the last shred of our humanity. Since returning, since being with you again, dancing with you again, that tightrope has turned into a wooden plank. Something safer, stronger. But if you give up dance then so do we, and our safety net is gone. We’ll fall into the pits of Hell with no way of clawing ourselves back up. I’d rather die than let that happen.” “No,”
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“If you want to be a monster, a real monster like your brother, then turn your back on dance. Take away our safety net. Fuck, you may as well take this knife and stab me in the motherfucking heart and kill me. Kill Dax, York, Zayn. Do it!” he seethes, all the while digging the knife in further, the tip slicing through his t-shirt and skin. “STOP!” I yell, pushing out of Zayn’s hold and grabbing Xeno’s hand, pulling it and the knife away from his chest. We stand glaring at one another; my rib cage expands and contracts like a bellow fanning the flames of a fire. Dax and York step on either side
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“Then tell us, Titch, why do you need to keep dancing?”
“To stop me from turning into a monster,” I whisper. “No,” Xeno replies, shaking his head. “You have to keep dancing to make sure that we don’t.”
Pen
A knock on the studio door has the desired effect of an ice cold bucket of water thrown over us. Gray’s entrance, and the familiar rumble of Beast’s voice on loudspeaker, cutting short the much needed conversation between the five of us. “What is it?” Xeno snaps. “Beast’s on the line. He needs to speak with you. All of you. Now.” “We’ve just got back from Hudson’s place, what the fuck could be so urgent that it can’t wait until tomorrow?” York asks in irritation. “Is Rocks on fire urgent enough for you?” Beast growls through the loudspeaker. “What the fuck?!” Zayn exclaims,
“He knows your weaknesses and your strengths, Tiny. Physical violence never broke you as a kid, so he’s trying to grind you down with emotional warfare and mind games. Don’t let him get inside your head like that. Nothing’s changed. We stay strong. We dance. We fight. Right?”
“We, as in the Breakers… as in, I’m a Breaker too now, right?” “Well, thank fuck for that!” Dax exclaims, beating York to it. In two strides I’m in his arms and being lifted up off of my feet as he hauls me close. “For a moment back there I thought we’d lost you for good.” “You’ll never lose me. Never,” I say passionately, meaning every word. “I’m just sorry I got lost for a bit.”
“We love you, regardless. We will fight for you, alongside you, against you if we need to, but we will never, ever, stop loving you.”
“Sorry, man. I was feeling a bit selfish just now,” Dax replies, shrugging his shoulders as he opens up his arms and gestures for York to join us. I twist around to face York, my arm wrapping around Dax’s waist and wait. He rolls his eyes. “Really? I can’t hug our girl without you getting all up close and personal as well?” “Not tonight, no.” “Anyone would think you actually want my dick,” York says, raising an eyebrow. Dax shakes his head. “York, shut the fuck up and get in here before I change my damn mind.” “Fine!” York strides over, kisses Dax on the cheek in an affectionate—if not
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Zayn
“And speaking of your nightclubs,” Grim says, ignoring Xeno’s outburst. “I’ve got my lawyer to draw up some papers transferring Jewels and Chastity back into your names. As soon as this shit is over it’ll be done. I did have a question though, should I be adding Pen’s name onto the deeds?” “Yes,” both Xeno and I respond simultaneously. We haven’t discussed it directly with Pen, but it was a unanimous vote between the four of us. We want her as our partner in life, and in business. What’s ours is hers. That goes without saying.
“This was delivered to Tales just before we left to come here. I opened it up in the car on the way over after we called you. There’s a note inside and something else too. You might want to be careful pulling it out.” “Grim, I don’t like surprises. Want to give me a heads up?” I say. “It’s a note and a... severed toe.” My hand hovers inside the envelope, my fingers brushing against a piece of paper. “You’re shitting me, right?” “She’s deadly fucking serious. Made Grim chuck up her guts when she opened it. David’s a sick bastard.”
“Except David wants to make it perfectly clear to all of us that he knows a lot more than we originally thought and that, my friend, is a motherfucking problem,” Beast finishes for me. “You’re damn right it is,” Xeno agrees, locking eyes with Beast. “Fuck!” I exclaim. Grim folds her arms across her chest and sighs. “Looks like we’ve got a snake in the grass.”
Pen
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.... Catch a piggie by its toe… Mum was just the starter, Penelope. Didn’t she have pretty toes?
“Do not let him get in your head. You hear me, Pen. Do not let that bastard rule you. Trust us to take care of this.” “I trust that you’ll do everything you can,” I reply, grateful for her friendship, her support. “But I want you to promise me something, Grim.” “Anything, Pen.” “That when the time comes, I’m the one who kills him.” Beast whistles under his breath. “Fuck me!” he exclaims,
Pen
“Did you know he used to beat on her too, Pen? He’d hurt her. All those times you snuck out to be with them, he would turn his anger on Mum. She took your beatings when you were out fucking around with them! Mum would lock me in my room, and I would lie in bed listening to him smack her about. I would hear her begging him to stop, and I couldn’t do anything. I was too young, and you weren’t there!” I clutch at my stomach, winded by her words. “Lena, I didn’t know… Why did you never say anything? I’m so sorry.” “Don’t you dare!” she cries, stepping away from me as I try to reach for her.
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Dax shakes his head. I can’t see his face, but I recognise the fury in his voice all too well. “Now you listen to me very carefully, Lena. I don’t give a fuck how much you’re hurting or what you need to tell yourself to make you feel better. Pen is not at fault here. Your fucked up brother is. He killed your mum. He put his hands around her motherfucking throat and strangled her until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Not Pen.”
“Did you know that the first night I met Pen she was black and blue from the beating David gave her,” Dax says, cutting her off. “She was a year younger than you, Lena, and that beating she took, it was for you. She stepped in to protect you. It took her over a week to recover physically, and even then she still bore the marks of his violence. She still fucking does. But you’ve never seen that because Pen has kept it all hidden on the inside. She protected you from it. She’s still protecting you.” “Dax, she doesn’t need to hear this,” I whisper. “Bullshit. This is exactly what she needs to
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“I’ll tell you who she had. Fucking no one, not until that night when she came into our lives. So don’t you dare make her feel guilty about wanting affection, friendship. As far as I’m concerned, your mum was as bad as David. She may not have hit Pen, but she hurt her all the same by doing nothing, by treating her like a piece of shit, by never being the mother she needed.”
Dax grips her arms, and she drops her head between her shoulders, sobbing quietly, all her fight gone as quickly as it came. I watch as he tips her chin up gently so she looks at him. “Lena, Pen loves you,” he says, softer now. “She has loved you both like a mother and a sister since before she ever became friends with us. She has kept you out of harm’s way your whole life. Don’t take out your pain on her, she doesn’t deserve it.” “I know. I’m s—sorry.”
Pen
“It’s cool. I don’t blame them for fancying Julia Roberts, she’s totally hot and worthy of their adoration. Just so long as it’s me they think about when they’re jacking off, I’m alright with it,” I blurt out, my cheeks flushing at the sudden rush of words. Zayn’s black eyes scan my heated skin before he smirks and says, “Believe me, Pen, we’ve all been jacking off to thoughts of you. We’ve been doing it for years now.” “Well, shit. Is that why you’ve been taking extra long in the shower these past couple days?” York asks, laughter in his voice. “Well I ain’t gonna rub one off in bed with you
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York lets go of his junk as Zayn removes the knife, though he remains on one knee in front of him and I find myself having to force myself not to think dirty thoughts with him crouched before York like that. Even so my cheeks heat and I really, really hope York’s not able to read my mind right now. Refusing to look at him, I concentrate on Zayn instead.
“You were amazing,” York says, turning to his side, pushing up on his elbow so that he can peer down at me. He grins and I see the way his eyes light up with lust. “What?” “That was really fucking hot,” he says. “I have to agree with York there,” Zayn murmurs, pushing up onto his elbow too. I look between them, a sudden rush of heat warming my belly as they stare down at me. York rests his hand on my stomach, sending goosebumps scattering across my skin at his touch. Zayn, on the other hand, dives in for the kill and presses a hot kiss against my mouth that has my lips parting and a moan
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“I’m sorry to interrupt, but Lena needs you… She’s crying and I can’t console her.” He gives me an apologetic look, but I shake my head. “That’s okay. We’re finished here anyway,” I say, trying hard to hide my disappointment. We’ve had little precious time alone together, and I’m acutely aware of their needs as much as my own. Regardless, Lena has to come first,
York
“Because you have a conscience, my love, and a big, beautiful heart,” I tell her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “My love…?” she whispers, the tiniest hint of a smile in her voice. “I’m your love?” “Well it certainly ain’t big boy over there. Though I appreciate the attraction. Dax is all man, isn’t he?” I remark, wanting to get her to smile again. I miss that, her joy. It’s fucking gutting to see her struggle so much with all her emotions. That bastard, David, has so much to answer for. She cocks her head, staring at Dax. “He is good looking, isn’t he?” she muses, a playful tone in
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I’ve never sought out a man for sex, ever, and Titch is literally my heart and soul, but the way she responded to me sliding my fingers into Dax’s mouth that night we had a threesome, well… I wouldn’t mind turning her on like that again. Fuck, if it didn’t make me hard as rock. I’m pretty sure Dax felt the power of that moment too.
