Read People Like a Book: How to Analyze, Understand, and Predict People’s Emotions, Thoughts, Intentions, and Behaviors

by Patrick King

The truth is that this ability is not really anything mystical, but a skill like any other that can actually be learned and mastered. While some might call it emotional intelligence or simple social awareness, others may see it as more akin to what a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist may do when they conduct an intake interview with a new patient. On the other hand, you may see this skill as something that a seasoned FBI agent, private detective, or police officer may develop with experience.

we can spot when we are being deceived or influenced.

learning to fine-tune our capacity to analyze people is to make best guesses.

we learn to do is gather as much high-quality data about a person as we can, and analyze it intelligently.

analyze them to better understand the what, why, and how of their behavior.

use it to foster a richer and more compassionate attitude to those we care about. We could take our knowledge and apply it in the workspace or anywhere we need to cooperate and collaborate with a wide variety of different individuals. We can use it to become better parents or better romantic partners. We can use it to improve our small talk, to spot liars or those with an agenda, or to reconcile effectively with people during conflicts.

knowing how to read people may improve your capacity for compassion, boost your communication skills, improve your negotiation abilities, help you set better boundaries, and the unexpected side effect: help you understand yourself better.

we cannot take a single statement, facial expression, behavior, or moment to tell us something definitive about the whole person.

Some signs are universal, whereas others can vary.

For example, talking while your hands are in your pockets is looked down upon in most cultures. Eye contact, on the other hand, can be a tricky affair. In America, eye contact is generally encouraged because it is considered a sign of honesty and intelligence. However, in places like Japan, eye contact is discouraged because it’s thought to be disrespectful.

If a person does the same unusual thing five times in a single short conversation, then that’s something to pay attention to. If someone simply claims, “I know that woman. She’s an introvert. I saw her reading a book once,” you wouldn’t exactly call them a master at unraveling the human psyche! So, it’s worth remembering another important principle: in our analysis, we look for patterns.

Another way that smart people can come to not-so-smart conclusions about others is if they fail to establish a baseline.

baseline,

you look for patterns, not single events.

Have you ever been in a conversation with a group of people, only to later find out that different members of the group had a completely different assessment of what happened?

studies show that only about seven percent of our communication comes from actual spoken word, whereas a whopping fifty-five percent of it stems from body language.

a test that has flaws and limitations like any other test of this kind.

need to make efforts to remain as objective as possible. We cannot always trust our first impulse.

our empathic and social skills are not fixed but can be developed and improved upon.

refine your skills to Sherlock levels.

aptitudes,

culture people come from is another important factor that helps contextualize your analysis appropriately.

establish a baseline

we become great people-readers when we understand ourselves. We need to know what biases, expectations, values, and unconscious drives we bring to the table so we are able to see things as neutrally and objectively as possible.

To understand why people behave as they do, we need to examine the causes and drivers of that behavior: their motivations.

understand what is fueling

understand what motivates a person.

we’re going to look at everything that inspires human beings to act: desire, hate, like and dislike, pleasure and pain, fear, obligation, habit, force,

we’ll explore the many different motivators behind human behavior.

observe the behavior of others and use to understand what you’re seeing, on a deep level.

Swiss psychologist Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow.

We live in a world of duality—dark

dark exists because of light, we only understand up because of down, and what is high energy must eventually slow and stop. Simply understanding this principle can help us understand people, too. We are all a blend of complementary, connected, and interdependent forces. Like the yin yang, each gives rise to and balances the other.

takes energy to deny the shadow. But eventually, the ball pops up.

First,

develop a deeper understanding

heightened feelings of c...

Second,

allow yourself to reach out to and communicate with people far more effectively. Although every one of us is a divided being, there is nevertheless an impulse toward wholeness and authenticity. If you can speak directly to those unacknowledged parts of a person’s psyche, you are able to communicate more deeply.

Granted, you cannot get someone else to acknowledge parts of their own shadow simply because you think they should, but it can certainly give you an insight into how to deal with them in the future. A final way of using this theory to understand others is to see how the shadow is projected to the outside world.

If you happen to be called stupid by such a person, you know that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is work hard on our own shadows while we use it to help us acknowledge and understand the workings of other people’s shadows.

Jungian spirit,

healing attitude to adopt when it comes to the shadow is one of love and acceptance. Be curious but be kind. Your goal in identifying someone’s (possible) shadow

If you can see the shadow in operation in someone else, it’s also an invitation to look honestly inside ourselves.

we can look at another person’s shame, fear, doubt, and rage with acceptance and understanding, we can do the same for ourselves.

A great way to consider yours and the other person’s shadow is to watch what feelings their behavior triggers in you.

has told you something very important about themselves, if you know how to listen.

Very astute and observant people know that what a person insults you with is often nothing more than the label they can’t acknowledge they actually give themselves.

Our Inner Child Still Lives