The Inner Work: An Invitation to True Freedom and Lasting Happiness

by Mathew Micheletti

“A thought of shame arising. A feeling of fear coming up.” It all just is. Nothing to do, nothing to change, nothing to figure out. Just observe.

nothing in the external world could ever affect our internal world. Thus everything is seen as a holographic projection of consciousness and is just to be experienced and not attached to.

Nothing of this world actually defines us.

Just as good soil will bear good crops, your thoughts, words, feelings, desires, habits, and interests are intrinsically rooted in a theme of consciousness.

Thought: “I am right about this. They are wrong.” Feeling: Prideful Action: Argumentative Root Program Belief: I believe I am superior and others are inferior. Theme of consciousness: Insecurity Thought: “I want him. I want to get his attention.” Feeling: Craving Action: Seduction Root Program Belief: I believe when I am wanted—I am loved. Theme of consciousness: Inadequacy

Thought: “I look stupid, they are probably laughing at me.” Feeling: Humiliation Action: Repress and hide Root Program Belief: I’m unlovable. Theme of consciousness: Rejection

Thought: “My life will never be as good again. Life is so tragic.” Feeling: Sadness Action: Sulk Root Program Belief: I lose everything I love. Theme of consciousness: Loss Thought: “I will get revenge. I’ll show them.” Feeling: Aggression Action: Attack or demean Root Progr...

We all may be looking at the same world or be sharing the exact same situation, but how we each experience it is drastically different.

Anything that is outside the boundaries of our familiar spectrum of consciousness will trigger the ego to respond with confusion or defensiveness.

Therefore, our anatomy of consciousness sets up not only the possibilities for our life but also our limitations.

Behind every action is a motivation that is rooted in a theme of consciousness.

“People try so hard to let go of their negative behaviors and thoughts, and it doesn’t work, or it works, but only for a short time. I didn’t let go of my negative thoughts, I questioned them, and then they let go of me.” - Byron Katie

What we may discover is that it actually enjoys its negative beliefs. As strange as it may seem, our ego has convinced us there is a payoff from maintaining negativity and dissatisfaction with life. There is a false sense of power, security, and control in being able to resist life and be negative. It is also the easiest thing to do.

In a delusional way, our ego convinces us that being miserable and depressed is secretly empowering. It subconsciously believes, “If I can’t control my life, at least I can control my resistance to it.”

For example, in the wound of rejection, the ego will look for any situation to validate how worthless it is, “See, I told you this would happen, nothing ever works out for me. Pathetic. I am so unlucky and worthless.” Judgement might complain, “God must be punishing me. I probably deserve this. This is what I get. Everything is against me. It’s their fault.” Or perhaps in the wound of inadequacy, it thinks, “No matter how hard I work, I never seem to get ahead. The more I want things, the more life shows me I can’t have it.”

This flirtation with suffering and darkness is to be expected and does not make us sick or twisted—simply naive. We all inherited a limited human ego that is attached to familiarity—regardless of if it is beneficial for us or not. Because our mental stories have become so familiar to us, our brain actually becomes accustomed to the emotions and chemicals those particular types of thoughts produce. For example, fearful or aggressive thoughts release adrenaline. Worrisome and stressful thoughts produce cortisol—another very powerful hormone. Over time, our bodies and brain start to crave and expect these chemicals on a regular basis. In some extreme cases we can become literally addicted to our stress, our suffering, or our victimization.

With practice, rather than blaming someone else for embarrassing you, you will instead inquire as to why you are so easily embarrassed. This inner analysis may reveal an unconscious part of yourself that still struggles with self-acceptance and self-love. Which then might spark curiosity as to where you inherited this self-rejection in the first place—consequently revealing a memory of a parent shaming you as a child for embarrassing them. And thus, the moment you first covered yourself with a blanket is discovered.

Using the same example as above, with The Inner Work, you would feel embarrassment arising, and rather than becoming it, you could observe it.

The inner narrative changes from, “This is so embarrassing, I am so embarrassing,” to “a feeling of embarrassment is coming up, but I choose peace. I am loved as I am. I can never be embarrassed and am always doing the best I can. I am perfect, whole, and complete. I embrace myself and love myself. Anyone's opinion of me has nothing to actually do with me.”

become aware of the trigger, connect them to a root program belief and theme of consciousness, then uproot and replace it with a new narrative of a higher perspective.

Trigger: Anxiety is arising. Root Program Belief: I believe the worst case scenario is going to happen to me. I’ve been hurt in the past and now I’m assuming I’ll keep getting hurt. Theme of Consciousness: This must be coming from distrust. Trigger: Craving is arising. Root Program Belief: I believe I will only be satisfied once I get what I want. In the past I coped with my vulnerabilities by indulging in food, materialism, drugs, alcohol, or sex and now am assuming they are the source of my confidence. Theme of Consciousness: This must be coming from inadequacy.

Trigger: Competitiveness is arising. Root Program Belief: I believe I am not liked or loved unless I prove my worth. I felt inferior when I lost, or was overlooked in the past, and now I am assuming that if I am not the best, or a “winner,” I will not be loved. Theme of Consciousness: This must be coming from insecurity.

If a belief does not feel like the most loving perspective you could take, then it is best not to indulge in it and choose differently.

Trigger: Anxiety is arising. Root Program Belief: I believe the worst case scenario is going to happen to me. I’ve been hurt in the past and now I’m assuming I’ll keep getting hurt. Theme of Consciousness: This must be coming from distrust. New Narrative: It is also possible the best case scenario will happen. My past does not define me. I will always be okay and am being guided. All perceived setbacks are actually working out for my benefit in the long run. I trust and believe in the goodness of life. Anything is possible for me.

Trigger: Craving is arising. Root Program Belief: I believe I will only be satisfied once I get what I want. In the past I coped with my vulnerabilities by indulging in food, materialism, drugs, alcohol, or sex and now am assuming they are the source of my confidence. Theme of Consciousness: This must be coming from inadequacy. New Narrative: What I desire is actually within me. I am tired of my cravings controlling my mood. I am ready to make a change. I will break free of this. I am free, I am whole, I am complete. I am disciplined over my impulses.

Trigger: Competitiveness is arising. Root Program Belief: I believe I am not liked or loved unless I prove my worth. I felt inferior when I lost, or was overlooked in the past, and now I am assuming that if I am not the best, or a “winner,” I will not be loved. Theme of Consciousness: This must be coming from insecurity. New Narrative: I am always loved unconditionally. There is enough love and happiness for everyone. There is no actual competition to be me. I have nothing to prove. I do not need to earn love, for I am innately loved. Love is my natural, effortless state and is within me.

In religion, rejection may come from being taught to fear a God/Divinity that can reject, curse, and damn us to a fiery hell of torture. The misunderstanding that this causes is to believe that even an “All-Loving” God could reject us, thus creating an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness.

The mind then proceeds to push away anything that is loving and promoting innocence out of fear of being rejected by it again.

In a twisted form of narcissism, the ego of shame tests Divine Love by becoming completely vile in order to see if it will still be lovable. In this distortion rejection and trauma equal love. It therefore feels that it is loved through hurting others and deriving a sense of meaning, power, and worth because it can cause pain. Thus rejection represents the ego’s desperation and cry for love by ironically trying to prove how unloved it is.

The revealing feature of such presentations is that the ego cannot handle having its impulses blocked and will resort to extreme, self-deprecating behavior, such as hurting itself or others as an expression of thinking God, or life, is cursing it. It will reject all accountability and believes that any of its hurtful and unloving impulses should be loved and allowed without consequences.

The ego tends to get itself rejected due to shameful choices. This creates a validation cycle of self-rejection and rejection from others. It is important to address any wounds of rejection we may be holding onto, no matter how insignificant we may feel they are, because the energy of shame is like a festering sore which slowly decays the soul if left unhealed.

“I am not good enough. God/Life cursed me. I’m so stupid. I’m incapable. I’m worthless. No one loves me. Everyone rejects me. I’m pathetic. I’m awful. I’m disgusting. I shouldn’t have been born. I shouldn’t be this way. God can’t possibly love me. I will never be forgiven. I can’t possibly still be lovable. I am evil. I am ugly. I am fat. I am vile. I am so sick. I am so demented. I am lost.” If projected externally, the same thoughts will arise as, “They are so disgusting, ugly, worthless,” and so on.

it can be extremely difficult to talk about or face. Thus out of defense, the mind denies, buries, and represses incidents of rejection—ultimately rejecting reality.

The rejection we experienced from others is not personal nor true.

This does not mean an abusers actions weren’t a violation and don’t need to be held accountable; it’s a reminder that any trauma can only come from a traumatized source.

Those who rejected, traumatized, abused, or hurt us are only projecting their own rejections, traumas, abuse, or hurt. Our impressionable mind then made these painful projections about us, but it was never about us. We were, and always are, innocent. The wound of rejection subconsciously repeats cycles of abuse that were handed down to it. Thus abused people, tend to abuse others.

If we don’t, similar scenarios as the original trauma will trigger the mind to think the trauma is still happening now, thus stealing our present as well. There needs to be a clear separation between what happened in the past and our new experiences, otherwise, we carry the trauma with us forever, i.e., PTSD.

To escape shame, the mind needs to cast blame onto its perpetrators in order to stop identifying with the energy of the experience.

I am innocent. I am always loved. I can never be beyond Divinity’s love. I am pure. I am perfect as I am. I am always worthy of forgiveness and love. I am whole and complete, exactly as I am. I am loved even in my weakest moments. Others' opinions of me have nothing to do with me but are a reflection of themselves. Boundaries are healthy. Anyone projecting shame is living with their own shame. I give this shame back to its sender. It’s healthy for me to identify my abusers. It is healthy for me to have boundaries with abusive people. I let go of the shame projected onto me. I love myself. I am divinely beautiful. I am loved as I am even with the traumatic experiences I have endured. My trauma does not negatively define me. I am accepted. Others want to love me. Others want to support me. Others want to see me happy. I matter to others. My existence matters. My life matters. My needs matter. My voice matters. I will not allow abuse any longer. I will speak my truth. I will accept my worth.

It pours salt in the wound and holds a crushing weight over us. Judgment doesn’t let the past go, holds a grudge, and is unable to forgive itself or others. It clings to the flawed rationalization that we all should be “perfect” or “should know better.” Any perception of a “mistake” is unacceptable. Judgment is obsessed with “should” and “should not,” right and wrong, good and bad. All of these are defense mechanisms of the ego that it uses to protect itself from ever being hurt again—accidentally becoming the new source of its pain.

Judgment has been used as a force of manipulation for eons, through creating gods of judgment and wrath that we have to please, plead with, and seek forgiveness from, or else. All of it is a projection of our own ego-mind’s fears and fantasies of self-rejection. None of it is actually happening—except in our own mind. The ego’s guilt creates its own demons to fear judgment from and then projects them as coming from outside itself, especially in the form of religious misunderstandings of “God.”

Intellectually it manifests as fear of being seen as “stupid” or “less than” for making mistakes.

It will be staunch and brutal in its judgments of itself, others, and any perceived errors it projects onto—even judging the weather for what it should or shouldn’t be.

“I should have known better. They should have known better. This is wrong. You are wrong. They are wrong. This is unacceptable. I deserve to be punished. I, they, or this is wrong for being this way. This is unforgivable. How could they? I hate sin. I hate evil. Sin/evil is wrong and shouldn’t exist. They should be punished. I hate hypocrisy. There needs to be justice. This is so unjust. They broke the agreement. They disobeyed. This is immoral. I hate the unjust.”

The limited human mind has no idea why things are the way they are. It cannot grasp the infinite details of the universe and the eternal scale of existence and so must give up thinking it is capable of judging anything appropriately. Humility is the ultimate healer for this theme by surrendering the role of playing the judge.

Humility arises from accepting that we can’t hold ourselves accountable for something we literally did not know at the time of our choice. Just because we understand the repercussions of our choices now does not mean we understood them accurately at the time of the choice. We are not capable of knowing the future and the infinite details of every choice we make. Lastly, even if we knew the wiser choice in the moment, we may have still lacked the strength and conviction to actually choose the higher choice. Thus we are always doing the best we can with what we are capable of doing at the time. Luckily, Divine Love's compassion is unconditional.

This is what all spiritual teachings are trying to convey: all choices have consequences—not judgment.

We are completely loved even as we make mistakes, which is so simple it is hard for the ego-mind to accept. Instead, the mind fantasizes that in order to heal our guilt, we must be punished or make some sort of sacrifice in order to be forgiven. This is not the absolute truth but is only a projection of how guilt views reality.

The way to transcend guilt and judgment is to let go of playing judge and allow natural consequences to unfold. Even if those consequences feel overwhelming to face. Find the lesson in the choices made and move forward implementing the newfound wisdom.

I guess I just didn’t know any better at the time. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I am always in the process of becoming. I’m doing the best I can right now. Others are always doing the best they can. I don’t know someone else’s story. I don’t know the battles other people are facing. I don’t know how deep this goes. I don’t know the eternal scale of this situation. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they know. I grow through my mistakes. I am loved even as I make mistakes. God loves me. I am not wrong, only learning. I forgive myself and others. I am not my mistakes. I let go of grudges. I am perfect, whole, and complete even with my perceived mistakes. Mistakes are a part of the learning process. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay for others to make mistakes. While my actions may have painful consequences, my soul is always innocent while learning.