How to Talk to People When They’re Being Defensive Make it about yourself, not them. Use “I” statements. Talk about one issue at a time. Don’t talk about old issues with this person while stating your boundary. Use “feeling” words, such as “When you ____, I feel ____.” Say something in the moment or soon after. Don’t let issues fester for days, weeks, or months. Know your audience. If you can’t talk in person, text or email your thoughts. Truly, some conversations are best had in person. But when you feel you won’t be able to set the boundary face-to-face, set it by any means necessary.
