Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

by Nedra Glover Tawwab

It’s not my job to save people. It’s not my job to fix people. I can help people, but I can’t fix them.

People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.

The root of self-care is setting boundaries.

Everyone is striving to do more and more. Time is an afterthought. But our well-being is the price.

Feeling taken advantage of, frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and bitter is the result of the resentment we feel when we don’t set limits.

Avoidance is a passive-aggressive way of expressing that you are tired of showing up. Hoping the problem will go away feels like the safest option, but avoidance is a fear-based response.

Healthy boundaries are possible when your past doesn’t show up in your present interactions. They require an awareness of your emotional, mental, and physical capacities, combined with clear communication.

short-term discomfort for a long-term healthy relationship is worth it every time!

Whenever you identify a boundary you’d like to set, remember that there are two steps to the process: communication and action.

Betting on the other person to read your mind is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship.

Pushback is a manifestation of the fear that things will be different, of being pushed out of the comfort zone.

You have to look out for yourself—no excuses required.

Defensive people aren’t listening while you’re talking; they’re personalizing what you say and crafting a response.

Boundary issues also come from putting way too many unspoken expectations on the other person.

Friends are your chosen family, and these relationships should bring ease, comfort, support, and fun to your life—not excess drama.

We can’t create more time, but we can do less, delegate, or ask for help.

People can’t meet a standard that we never express. Boundaries are not unspoken rules.

Common sense is based on our own life experiences, however, and it isn’t the same for everyone.

Be kind to yourself, because the people in your life are watching. This doesn’t mean that people have a right to be mean.