Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

by Nedra Glover Tawwab

signs that we might need to set a boundary. The most significant symptom is discomfort, which manifests itself as anger, resentment, frustration, and burnout. When we feel any of these, we likely need to set a boundary. We tolerate unhealthy boundaries because we don’t understand our feelings, and we fail to notice the discomfort. We see that something is “off,” but we’re unaware of what is causing the discomfort. The film What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? is a great example of this. Gilbert (played by Johnny Depp) is a parentified teenager who cares for his younger siblings, one of whom is autistic (Arnie, played by Leonardo DiCaprio). Gilbert also cares for his mother, who is obese and housebound. Her weight gain began after her husband committed suicide. Gilbert struggles to have a social life outside of his family because he has unhealthy boundaries. Two of his siblings manage to build their own lives—one becomes the manager of a bakery, and the other goes away to college. But when Gilbert starts a romance with a girl visiting his town, nothing comes of it because he doesn’t create any boundaries with his family. While Gilbert is aware something is off, he isn’t aware that healthier limits could help him start a life outside of the one he’s known.