Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

by Nedra Glover Tawwab

According to Claudia Black, a renowned addiction author, speaker, and trainer, there are three types of common boundary violations that often occur when trauma is experienced. Below are a few examples of each type. Physical Inappropriate touch Withholding affection Not being taught how to care for your body Denying a person privacy Not providing proper clothing Hitting, pushing, pinching, shoving Reading private journals or going through belongings Sexual Sexual jokes or innuendos Exposure to adult materials such as magazines or sexual videos Demeaning due to one’s gender (male/female) or sexual orientation Not being given the proper information about your developing body Forceable or coercive sexual acts Any type of sexual abuse Dismissing someone’s request to not engage in sexual acts Not respecting someone’s desire to use protection Emotional Having your feelings minimized Constantly being yelled at Being told what to feel and how to think Being told that your feelings are not okay Not showing someone how to care for themselves Being made to handle conflicts between parents Not being given appropriate expectations Gaslighting (blaming someone for something that wasn’t their fault) Discouraged from having an opinion Being taunted Directly being told that “your feelings don’t matter” or “you’re not enough” Common Issues Experienced by Adults Who’ve Experienced Abuse or Neglect Wanting to help everyone, even without the means to do so Working nonstop (equating busyness wit...