Siblings can also struggle with boundaries as they grow up. The older sibling may be used to operating in a particular manner, such as looking after younger siblings. But this role may not be needed after the younger sibling reaches a certain age.
how does this work for me: affan since he got married, i notice im hands off 80% of the time, but when asked or requested by affan i step in and am aggressively present on the issue, even following up because i feel that i was requested and given permission to be an older sibling in that caretaker role. Ammarah, im still hands on but in a request sort of way. i will ask her if she wants me to x or y, or point out that it may be convienent for me to handle it since it won’t be in convienent for me. sometimes i want to be more aggressively older sibling but i realized when she married behraam, she needed his dynamic of care more than mine. afterall she chose behraam. i did’t find this hard transition in fact i feel like internally i was preparing myself for it. i took special attention to enjoy those last several months of being a older caretaker sibling role with both of them because i sensed that it was the last time i would get to actively play that purely singular role. i knew the relationship dynamic would change, had to in fact change. so i focused to take pleasure in the last of the time i had in that role.
