More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
August 30 - September 21, 2025
Boundary Statements: I Want . . . , I Need . . . , I Expect . . . The best boundaries are easy to understand. Starting statements with “I need,” “I want,” or “I expect” helps you stay grounded in the truth of who you are.
Gossiping In
#2: Telling People How to Live Their Lives
Telling people what to do with their lives doesn’t allow them to work through their own issues.
‘Do you want empathy or a strategy right now?’”
#3: Instructing Others as to What They Should and Shouldn’t Tolerate in Relationships “If it were me, I would ____.” In relationships, we’re all able to withstand different things on different levels. When we share what we would do if ____, it denies the other person the opportunity to decide their own boundaries. Again, just listening is a useful practice.
but someone else’s opinion about your life isn’t more valuable than your own.
Reducing Your Interactions One of the six boundary areas is time. How often and when you give your time to others is your choice. You don’t have to offer your time freely to people you find emotionally draining.
Her mother repeatedly asked her, “Have you talked to your brother?” If she said no, her mother would respond with, “Call Ray, and check on him.” Their mother made it Chloe’s job to maintain communication with him.
People don’t respect threats, but they can learn to respect ultimatums.
“I can have boundaries in my relationships with family.” “Setting limitations with others is a healthy way to ensure that my needs are met.” “Expressing my expectations is my way of practicing self-care.” “In healthy relationships, people will respect my wishes.” “Discomfort is a part of the process.”
When a relationship ends, it’s okay to Grieve the loss (cry, be angry, feel sad) Practice self-compassion (it was not your fault) Engage in radical self-care (daily and often) Make a list affirming who you are (I am a loving person, etc.) Process what you learned about yourself as a result of the toxic relationship Determine how you would like to show up in your present and future relationships Forgive yourself for the things you allowed to happen in the relationship
Forgive yourself for not leaving sooner
It’s true—people may not like the boundaries you set, and they might retaliate by Cutting you off Giving you the silent treatment Manipulating you by trying to talk you out of your boundary Being mean
If you experience any of the above, know that the damage wasn’t caused by your boundary. The relationship was already unhealthy, and your boundary brought to the surface the issues that needed to be addressed. Setting limits won’t disrupt a healthy relationship.
Boundary Avoid conversations that lead you to feel emotionally drained.
Action Steps Ignore calls when it isn’t a good time to talk. Limit the conversation to five to ten minutes. Talk about yourself more.
Don’t offer solutions; ju...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Also, boundaries are not walls. A wall keeps people out, while boundaries show people how to exist in a relationship with you.
Constantly seeking validation
Is comfortable sharing feelings
Allows others to express feelings without overreacting
Shame and Guilt After Trauma Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. —Brené Brown
Operating in your role as sibling instead of parent to your siblings
While other people indeed have an impact on our lives, we make personal choices daily that affect the quality of our lives and who we are. With self-boundaries, we consider how we impact ourselves.
Boundaries to Consider I speak to myself as gently as I would talk to a small child. I coach myself through awkward moments. I allow myself to make mistakes without judging myself harshly. I don’t call myself names. I don’t make mean comments about myself either in my mind or out loud in front of others.
Respond with a question: “That’s an interesting question; what prompted you to ask me that?” Turn the question back on them: “Do you want more kids?” Change the topic by glossing over the question: “Money is always such an interesting topic. What are you watching on Netflix?” Be direct: “I don’t feel comfortable answering that question.”
Make your boundaries clear: “I don’t like it when people talk to me about weight.”
You can’t change people, but you can change How you deal with them What you accept How you react to them How often you interact with them How much space you allow them to take up What you participate in What role they play in your life What people you have contact with Who you allow in your life Your perspective
Children under the age of eighteen aren’t emotionally capable of handling adult problems. Even when they’re mature for their age, it isn’t appropriate to share adult stressors with them.
Children don’t need to know the details of everything that happens with adults.
Having uncomfortable conversations can save relationships. Not only is it important to communicate more, but it’s also important what you communicate about. Having uncomfortable conversations can save relationships. So be willing to talk about issues before they become a problem. Preventing the common communication mishaps above will save you from arguments in the future.
We are not indebted to anyone in this life. We are accountable to some, responsible for others. We are never, however, obligated to take the weight of another’s life on our shoulders.
It’s important to realize that your friends’ issues are not your issues.
Overly entangling yourself in other people’s problems is not an indicator of how much you love them. Instead, it shows your lack of healthy boundaries.
You can be there for people without entangling yourself in their feelings, solutions, and outcomes. The most loving thing you can do is listen. The most empowering thing you can do i...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
As I’ve said, people will do what you allow, and they will do it over and over again until you stop them. It’s true that you can’t control what people do to you, but you can manage your reaction and what you tolerate.
“Have I tried setting any boundaries?” “In what ways do I contribute to this situation?” “What can I do to make this situation healthier?”
How can I deal with my friend who always complains about work? You could set boundaries as to how often you talk to your friend about certain topics. It’s extremely important to consider how you might be inadvertently inviting your friend to talk more about their issues. Consider this:
