Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

by Nedra Glover Tawwab

Signs of a Healthy Friendship Your friend wants to see you grow. The friendship is mutually supportive. The friendship is mutually beneficial. Your friendship evolves as you evolve. You understand how to support each other. Setting boundaries doesn’t threaten the friendship. Your friend is happy for you to be yourself. Your friend acknowledges your quirks and works around them. You can talk to your friend about your feelings. Signs of an Unhealthy Friendship The relationship is competitive. You exhibit your worst behavior when you’re with your friend. You feel emotionally drained after connecting with your friend. Your friend tries to embarrass you in front of others. You don’t have anything in common. Your friend shares details of your personal life with others. The friendship is not reciprocal (i.e., you give more than you receive). You’re unable to work through disagreements. Your friend doesn’t respect your boundaries. The relationship is enmeshed/codependent. Dealing with Complaining Complaining falls into one of three categories: venting, problem-solving, or ruminating. Venting is a way to talk about issues without seeking guidance but to simply let out your frustrations. Problem-solving is seeking guidance or advice on how to correct an issue. Ruminating is talking about the same issues over and over without trying to problem-solve or work through your frustrations in any real way. Ruminating is essentially dumping on others. Rarely do I hear people have an issue wi...