As an adult, she told me that it felt so real in the moment, but afterwards she couldn’t believe she’d got so upset and thought she would never do it again. She never apologized afterwards and my parents did not make her. But, she said, “it didn’t matter, she knew they were still thinking about it” and her shame was so intense it made her angry at us. “Instead of like, hating myself.” Throwing something at your husband is the same. I was so ashamed afterwards, it made me angrier at Patrick than I had already become for his never being around.
