“I’m not feeling well.” It’s not a lie. Guilt isn’t only emotional. It manifests itself in very physical ways. My head aches. My back aches. My stomach is in knots, and I’m constipated. I could never stay focused through class, much less make it through without that overwhelming urge to vomit or cry. I spend so much time ruminating about what Bea and I did that night, second-guessing the choices we made, the choices I made. I can’t get away from it. I’m obsessed. My mind is in a constant state of flux. I can think of nothing else but what happened that night. I don’t sleep. I barely eat.
