Ruthless Saints (The Saints, #3)

by Michelle Heard

like her,” I admit out loud for the first time. “You liking her is what will get her killed. You know this.” Alexei comes to take a seat next to me and turns his body so he's facing me. Placing his hand on my shoulder, he continues, “She’s an innocent. She’s not from our world. Are you willing to risk her life?” My eyes lock with my brother's. “I’m trying my best to stay away from her.”

Alexei sees the answer on my face, and it has him cursing. “This isn’t like Damien and Winter. I can’t arrange an alliance. I can’t do anything to fucking make this work for you.” His fingers wrap around the back of my neck. “I’m sorry, brother. If you care for her the way I think you do, you’ll let her go.” I fucking tried. “I can’t,” I answer honestly. “How do you plan on keeping her safe?” “I’ve arranged safety with Madame Keller. Hailey has the number and knows to phone them if anything goes wrong.”

“You take no jobs and guard this girl. If she dies on your watch, I’ll be fucking pissed with you.” When I nod, Alexei adds, “Just lay low for a while.” I hate that he has to clean up the mess I made, but it will give me precious time with Hailey. Even if I have to let her go at some point, at least I’ll have more memories of her. There’s a sudden burst of excitement in my chest, and Alexei immediately picks up on it. “You’re fucking in love.” He shakes his head. “I really hope this works out for you.”

Hailey’s mine, and she doesn’t have a choice in the matter. This is what I’ve been struggling to come to terms with. No matter what Hailey wants, there’s no way I can stay away from her. There’s no way I’ll let her go.

Alexei gets up, and I notice how Demitri moves at the exact same time. Alexei comes to hug me, and I stiffen in his embrace. “Keep my brother out of trouble,” he says. “I can’t make any promises,” I joke.

Watch your back. They have photos of you and the little one.” “What photos?” “It looks like you’re standing outside a restaurant.” Fuck. Hailey places her hand on my bicep, and she gives me a worried look. Thankfully she can’t understand Russian. “I’ll call you when I’m alone,” I mutter. “Be safe.” “You too.”

I wake up to Carson lifting me to his chest. “Hey,” I mumble sleepily. “Shh… sleep, baby,” he murmurs as he carries me to bed. “Are you done with work?” I ask as I rub my cheek against his shoulder. “Sorry it took so long.” “You don’t have to apologize.” He lays me down on the left side of the bed, and before he’s done showering, I’m fast asleep again.

Breathe. It takes all my strength to sit still and stare at the floor while Hailey chokes after being waterboarded. Christ, baby. Breathe. She drags in a suffocating breath, and I can hear how much it hurts her. My heart.

The second I tell him it was anonymous, he’ll kill us. If I show any reaction, they’ll tear Hailey apart. The best thing I can do for her is to keep quiet, to look like I don’t give a shit while I’m being torn apart inside.

know exactly what she’s going through. What she’s feeling. And it fucking destroys me. The dull blow as they hit her takes a swing at my soul. It’s brutal, hurting more than any pain I’ve ever felt. Again I almost glance up. I almost move, but knowing they can do much worse keeps my body frozen.

Hailey struggles to take a breath, and my fingers flex behind my back, my wrists straining against the zip ties. I take a deep breath as if it will help her get air into her lungs.

“Who ordered the contract?” Admir asks again. “Carson,” Hailey cries. “Tell him.” I can’t. “Beat her,” Admir orders. “Carson!” Hailey’s terrified scream kills me. It drains the light I’ve managed to find with her from my life. I’m sorry, baby. The sounds of their fists connecting with her skin pummel my soul to dust. Christ. Alexei, faster. Suddenly it stops, and there’s only a broken whimper from Hailey. She can’t take much more. I’m out of time.

He rises to his feet. “Again.” “Please,” Hailey whimpers, her voice weak. I can feel my heart beating everywhere in my body, the shattered pieces flooding my veins. My hands tighten into fists, and as the blows begin again, I fail, and my eyes lift. The man’s fists slam into her fragile body where he’s crouched over her. There’s too much blood. She’s not moving. Hailey.

The body falls over me, his weight sending an excruciating wave of pain through me as I feel something crack in my chest. It makes my vision blur for a moment, and when I’m able to focus again, Carson’s already taken out five men. His body moves agilely, his steps calculated, his hands moving fast as he dislocates a guy's shoulder before shooting him in the head.

manage to watch as Alexei steps over the body, and wrapping his hand around the back of Carson’s neck, he yanks him into a hug. “We have to move,” I hear Demitri’s voice, and then he comes into the room. Carson pulls free from his brother’s hold and turns toward me. A sob sputters from me because I can’t comprehend what happened. I can’t link the man I love with this… killer.

Carson shoves the body off me, and with a deadly look in his eyes, he pushes his arms under me and lifts me up as he rises to his feet. A pain-filled gasp rattles from me. The side of my head falls to his bloody shoulder.

“They’ll take care of her at St. Monarch’s,” I hear Demitri say. “You okay?” Alexei asks. “I’m fine.” I feel the vibration against my cheek as Carson’s voice rumbles from his chest. I refuse to open my eyes. I can’t. I just can’t. It’s too much. The pain. The betrayal. The devastation. Carson did nothing while they tortured me. He just sat there. It didn’t matter to him what they did to me. Another sob flutters over my lips. “Shh…” He pulls me tighter to his chest, and it makes waves of pain crash through me. When I feel his lips press against my forehead, I wish I had the strength to pull away. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Because of Carson, I could’ve died today. While I choked and fought for air… he did nothing. While I was beaten to within an inch of my life… he did nothing. The shock becomes too much, forcing harsh tremors through my aching muscles. My heart breaks, and I know it will never heal from this. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers.

Hailey tries to turn her head away from me, but it slumps back because she has no strength. There are cuts on her face. Above her left eyebrow, on her cheek, her bottom lip. Her skin is swelling feverishly, the blood starting to dry. Her throat is marred with angry red welts, and blotches are scattered over the top of her chest. I know it’s not the worst of her injuries. The way her breath whistles tells me her ribs have probably been broken.

Her face tightens with pain, and a broken sob drifts over her lips, like a forlorn wind howling over a vast empty space. I hold her gingerly against me, pressing another kiss to her forehead. Then she chokes, “D-d-don’t.” Her eyes remain closed, and I realize she’s refusing to look at me. My own shuts against the unbearable ache it causes to rupture in my chest. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper again.

I can’t tell her she’s safe with me because she’s not. I can’t tell her I won’t hurt her, not while I’m holding her broken body in my arms. I can’t tell her I love her, not after I deceived her for so long. There’s nothing I can say, nothing I can do, and it makes me feel frustratingly powerless. As if he can feel the turmoil in my soul, my brother says what I can’t, “We’re almost there, little one. You’re safe now. You’ll feel better soon.”

carry Hailey to where they have an emergency room set up, and walking inside, I head straight for the bed. Gingerly, I lay her down, and I press another kiss to her forehead, then I whisper, “They’ll take care of you.”

“Carson,” Alexei calls behind me. Seconds later, he darts in front of me, and then his arms wrap around me. “She’s going to be okay.” I shake my head. She’s not. She’ll never be okay again. I found the most beautiful creature, and I destroyed it. “Demitri’s with her. They’ll fix her up.” Patch her together. She’ll never be whole again. Her smile won’t be as bright. Her light wasn’t strong enough for my darkness.

“You’ve been shot. Come, let’s get the bullet out.” I shake my head, unreasonably thinking they should leave it inside me so it can poison me the way I poisoned Hailey’s life. Alexei tightens his grip on me and tugs me up to my feet. “Come.” He pushes me back and then forces me to move. I’m shoved down in a chair, not taking in any of my surroundings.

“What do I do?” I ask Alexei. “About?” “Hailey.” I swallow hard. “She’s going to want to leave me.” “We don’t keep women against their will,” he says, his tone intolerant. Placing his hands on either side of my head, he forces me to look at him. “Do you hear me?” “I can’t let her go,” I admit, feeling weaker than I’ve ever felt in my life. Alexei stares me down for a couple of seconds. “Don’t, brother.” “I love her.” He shakes his head. “You can’t force her to stay. I won’t let you.” I’m strong but not near as strong as my brother. “How do I do this?” “The same way Hailey has to. The hard fucking way.” It will kill me. I can’t live without Hailey. I can’t go back to the absolute darkness. I need whatever light she has left.

“Four broken ribs on the right side and two cracked on the left. Her right elbow has been dislocated. No internal damage. Just bruising. It will heal.” The man straightens my right arm, and it yanks a whimper from me. He pulls on my wrist, and I cry from the unbearable pain as he pops my elbow back in place. “Give her something stronger for the pain,” Demitri bites the words out, sounding angry. He comes to stand on the left side of the bed, and when he places his hand on my shoulder, I flinch. It doesn’t escape his attention, and his hand moves to my head, gently brushing over the strands. It offers me no comfort, nor when he says, “You’re safe here, Hailey.”

Alexei takes a seat next to the bed, his eyes drifting over me. It takes a lot of effort to turn my face away from him. “I should’ve stopped it, little one. I’m sorry,” he murmurs softly. “You’ll be here until you’re better.” I struggle to turn my face back to him. “And… then?” Our eyes lock, and I see no malice, only empathy, which is unexpected. “You tell me what you want to do, and I’ll make it happen.”

“I’ll sit with you while you sleep. I won’t let anyone come close to you. Rest, little one.” I want to believe the words so desperately it makes tears mist my eyes. Alexei takes out his phone, and after doing something on it, music comes from the device. I don’t know what it is, but it’s beautiful. It makes my emotions pulse like an erratic heartbeat.

Leaning a little forward, his tone is gentle as he says, “You’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you ever again.” I manage to mumble, “Let… me… go.” Alexei pulls his hand back. “As soon as you’ve healed.” I don’t believe him.

It takes the last of my strength to turn my face away from them and to mutter, “Leave.” Still, I don’t fall asleep. Drowsily I lie, feeling paralyzed, and it makes everything worse. “It’s going to take a month or two until she’s fully healed,” Alexei grits the words out. Carson says nothing. Still. And it hurts so much. I can’t stop the tears from falling. Eventually, Carson whispers, “I’ll sit with her.” “I’m not leaving. I promised Hailey I’ll keep her safe.” Alexei takes a deep breath. “Until she’s ready to leave, consider me her personal guard.”

I hear movement, and even though I startle, I still can’t move as Carson wipes the tears from my temple. I’d recognize his touch anywhere. His breath skims over my skin before he presses his mouth to my forehead. He keeps still, and I feel his lips tremble.

I have no hope that Hailey will forgive me. I know she’s going to leave, and Alexei will keep his word. He’ll protect her, even from me. Especially from me.

“You know the real me, baby. You’re one of the few people who do.” “You kill people for a living,” she cries, the sound raw and unforgiving. She turns her face away from me, and seeing Alexei, she says, “Tell him to leave.” Alexei immediately rises to his feet. “Brother.” Knowing he will use force, I pull back, and getting up, I step away from the bed. I don’t want to leave, but right now, I have no choice. “Give her some space,” Alexei says.

Panic bleeds through me, the emotion foreign. I have no control over what Hailey decides, not with Alexei standing behind her. I understand why he’s protecting her, and I’m thankful for it. I fucked up, and he’s cleaning up the mess. Alexei knows I love Hailey, and that means he’ll watch over her for the rest of her life. I would do the same for the woman he loves.

“Are you an assassin as well?” Alexei just stares at me for a moment, then he nods. “The best.” There’s no arrogance. It’s just a statement. “Which means you’ll be safe with me.” I shake my head and flinch when the movement causes the pain to roar back. “I-I highly… doubt that.”

Alexei gets up and walks around the bed to my IV. When he picks up an injection, I quickly say, “I don’t want more drugs.” His eyes snap to me. “The pain will only get worse.” “I can handle it.” For all I know, they’ll make me addicted to the stuff, so I don’t try to fight back once I’m better. Alexei shakes his head. “Just until you’re stronger. Right now, it would do more damage if you tense up with every movement.” “Don’t,” I plead, but he still injects the fluid into the IV then comes to sit down again.

Alexei reaches for my hair and begins to brush his palm over the strands, and it makes fear tremble through me. When a tear sneaks from my eye, he brushes it away. “This shouldn’t have happened. I wish there was a way you could be together, but you’re from different worlds.” Alexei wipes another tear away. “It’s your turn to lie, little one. You have to tell him you don’t love him.”

Carson sits down on the side of the bed, and it makes my eyes fly open. He leans over me, worry etched into his features. “I’m not going to hurt you.” I turn my face away and fight the fear down, not wanting him to see it. Carson frames my face and nudges me back until our eyes meet. “I don’t want to lose you, but I won’t keep you against your will.” “I don’t believe a word any of you say,” I spit the words out. I yank my face out of his hold. “Don’t touch me.” “Carson, back off,” Alexei warns him. Carson lifts his hands in a surrendering motion as he gets up.

Gingerly, I swing my legs from the bed, and holding onto the IV stand, I get up. God, it hurts like hell. You can do this, Hailey. “You need to rest,” Carson says. “Don’t touch her,” Alexei barks when Carson moves toward me. At a snail's pace, I inch my way around the bed, using the stand for support. When I’m halfway to the door, Alexei gets up and comes to open it for me. He holds his hand out to me. “Need some help?” I shake my head, slowly inching my way out of the room, and it has Alexei asking, “Where to?” “Away from here,” I grind the words out through clenched teeth. Pure determination drives me to take step after step, my legs trembling and my chest on fire. I can feel Carson right behind me. I only make it down the hallway when my legs lose all feeling. Carson catches me from behind. “I’ve got you.” Without any effort, he lifts me to his chest and begins to carry me back to the room, with Alexei bringing the IV stand.

Carson’s voice is strained with emotion as he says, “You’re free to leave when you can walk to the main gates. I won’t stop you. I just need to be sure you’ll be okay once you leave here.” My eyes lift to his face. The face I love. No, Hailey. He’s bad. You have to practice every day but come hell or high water, you’ll make it to those main gates.

My desperation takes over, and my hands fly to her face. I crush my mouth to hers, and for a moment, Hailey lets me in. I get to taste her again, but then she yanks away from me, covering her mouth with a trembling hand. “Don’t,” she gasps, shaking her head wildly. “Don’t touch me.” “Oh, come on. I can’t take a piss without you upsetting Hailey,” Alexei snaps. “Get away from her.”

“She won’t be safe out there!” Alexei stands up. “You think I don’t know that?” “Then why did you gesture at the fucking door?” I bark at him. “She can leave St. Monarch’s, but it doesn’t mean we’re not going with her.” My heart stutters with hope. More time. I just need more time.

“The code is easy to remember. Nine for I. Twelve for L. Eight for H, and twenty-three for W. I love Hailey Welsh.”

“I love you,” he whispers near my ear. “More than anything. I’ll never harm you, and I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt you.”

I hear Hailey whimper. My head snaps up, and I dart to my feet. She’s still asleep, but it’s restless, her features tight with fear. Leaning over her, I whisper, “You’re safe, baby.” Her hand lifts, slapping against my chest, and then her fingers grab a fist full of my shirt. Slowly, I sit down, and I press a kiss to her forehead. I wish I could follow her to her dreams to keep the nightmares from coming.

“Will you take something for the pain after you’ve eaten?” he asks. I shake my head, not wanting any kind of drug from him. Carson places his hand beneath my chin, nudging my face up until our eyes meet, then he says, “I never have, and I never will take advantage of you. You need painkillers.” I search his eyes and only seeing the man I love hurts. Will I ever be able to tie my hermit together with the assassin? “Nothing strong,” I give in because my chest aches like hell. “I don’t want anything that will cloud my judgment.”

Fuck, she’s having a panic attack. I dart forward, and as I take hold of her shoulders, she grabs onto my arms. She tries to take another breath, but her throat’s closed up, and it makes panic bleed over her face. “Look at me, baby.” Her eyes snap to mine. “You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you.” She makes another strangled sound, and then her legs give way. I catch her and lifting her to my chest, I say, “I’ve got you. You’re safe. I love you. No one will ever hurt you again.” I keep throwing random sentences at her hoping one will calm her down. “I would never hurt you. I love you more than anything.” I carry her out of the armory and sit down on a couch with her on my lap.

know you’re going to leave once Alexei returns and it’s safe for you to travel.” How am I supposed to go through life blindly after seeing the brilliance of her smile? I can’t keep the tears from falling as I ask, “Can you look at me like I’m not a monster… just one last time? Can you remember the happy times we shared? Can you remember how it felt when I made love to you? That I’m not all bad?” Hailey pulls a little back and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She closes her eyes and takes a couple of deep breaths. “Can you smile at me one last time?” My body shudders, and I blink the tears away so I can see her clearly.

The corner of my mouth lifts, and I place my hand on her cheek. “As long as I get to see you smile every day, we can take it slow.”

“Why are you so cold toward each other? You’re both important to me, and the way you interact makes me uncomfortable.” “We can’t form an attachment,” MJ explains. “You’re my priority, not Carson.” “MJ needs to focus one hundred percent on you,” Carson adds. “She’s your custodian. Not mine.” I begin to frown. “Why don’t you have one?” “Mine got married,” he mutters, “and I prefer to work alone.”