While We Were Dating (The Wedding Date, #6)

by Jasmine Guillory

“It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m with you,” he said.

She’d gotten through this before. She could do it again.

But being with him, like this, made her feel better, like she would be okay, like he’d said to her in the car, like she hadn’t been until this moment.

“I’m just so ashamed,” she said. “I thought I was better. That I was okay now! That I wouldn’t freak out like this again. But one flashbulb and it was all the same.” He rubbed her back in slow circles. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Look, I know when I was growing up people talked like there was something wrong with you if you needed therapy. Some people still talk like that. But you and I both know that’s not true. Don’t we?” She knew where he was going with this. “Yes, fine, but that’s not—” “As a matter of fact,” he said, “just recently, someone really smart told me that life is a constant work in progress. You’re still working on all of this. That’s okay.”

“It just feels like . . . like I should have gotten over this by now. It’s part of my life—it’s part of the job! I’ve known this for a long time; it shouldn’t bother me anymore. It doesn’t do this to other people. Why can’t I be stronger?”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with how strong you are. We all need help sometimes. Lots of times. And some things are hard for everyone.

But God, he hated that she had to pretend away so many things just to survive.

“Yes, but when I say it to you, I mean it,” he said.

And that’s when he realized it. He was in love with her. That’s why he’d felt so bad for the past few days. It was because he knew this was the end, and he didn’t want it to be the end, because he was in love with her.

She hated that he’d seen her fall apart like that—it was one thing for him to know what she’d been through last year, but another for him to see it. She didn’t want him to think she was the fragile, needy person she’d been last week; she didn’t want anyone to think of her like that.

“That never works. Get your hopes up all you want—life is more fun that way.”

And then she burst into tears. “What did he do? Anna, do you need me to come there? Do you need me to destroy him? What do you need?” She wiped her face with her pillowcase. “He told me he loved me.”

Or maybe this is all because of last week: he thinks I’m weak and fragile, he just wants to take care of me. I never should have told him about last year in the first place—men always like that kind of thing; it makes them feel strong.”

I feel happy, warm feelings for him, especially since he was so kind, so fun, so

And Ben suggested a mental health charity, help them raise money and reach out to people, raise awareness, that kind of thing. But. That seems . . .” “Hard?” Penny finished for her. “And that you might have to talk about things you don’t want to talk about? Yeah, probably. But if you keep thinking about it, maybe there’s a reason?”

“That thing about how sometimes it’s important to tell people how you feel just to say it.

“Hearing from her . . . it brought up some stuff about my dad, that I thought I’d dealt with.

Maybe I was just afraid of more change. And of having to think about—and talk about—my dad again, when I thought I was all done with that.”

So I just thought that if I pushed on and worked harder and ignored my stress and anxiety, I’d get over it, and it would all be fine.”

“After the filming was over, I had a real crisis. I think having to go there every day and be around people kept me from thinking about everything. But then I was just alone with my thoughts and it was all . . . really hard.”

I don’t know how to get through this. I keep thinking I’m going to feel better, but I just feel worse. How do I do this?”

“Fine! He told me he loved me! Are you happy now? After the premiere. But I’m sure he didn’t actually mean it. People just say things, you know that.

“I saw the way he looked at you,” Simon said. “That wasn’t the look of a man who didn’t mean it.”

“I’m scared, Simon. What if it all falls apart? What if I fall apart?” Simon put his hand on her shoulder. “Then you’ll put yourself back together again. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. If you don’t want him—if you really don’t want him—ignore me. But I don’t want you to let this go because of fear.”

“I know I can put myself back together. But I don’t want to have to do that again! I’m fine now. I’ll be fine without him.”

Yes, I fell in love with you, but it wasn’t for any of those reasons, even though they’re all true. It was because I understood you, and you understood me. It was because I was so happy, every moment that I was with you. It was because you’re funny, and smart, and thoughtful. It was because you called me on my bullshit, but I didn’t want to run away. It was because after you forced me to be honest with you, I realized that I couldn’t lie to you about anything, ever again. So yes, I meant it. Is that enough for you now?

Everything with you felt too close, too intimate. It scared me. I didn’t want you to get that close to me, at least I thought I didn’t.”

It’s because of how kind you are, how big your heart is, how much love you give to the world, how happy I always was whenever I was around you.