Butter Honey Pig Bread

by Francesca Ekwuyasi

During the six-and-a-half-hour flight from Murtala Muhammed to Heathrow, an overwhelming sense of having forgotten something important tugged at her insides. This feeling took the shape of a near gasp in her lungs, or perhaps the brief hollow space before a shiver, but it overstayed and stretched out over her whole self.

I hid my number and called Taiye often as well, never saying anything, just listening to her asking, “Hello? Hello? Who is this? Are you okay?” Sometimes she would stay on the phone saying nothing as well, just breathing quietly on the other end until I hung up. This is how I knew that she was lonely, too.

She, too, was incredibly sick of her own shit. But one cannot abandon oneself, try try try as one might.

When they served their offerings, Taiye glowed, proud to be feeding Aiden and her guests a meal that conjured memories of her twin and their mother. Of a time in which the hollowing echo of loneliness didn’t ring so loud in her steps, her voice, and her body. None of her indulgences had yet silenced the shrill call of such a vast empty; still, she latched, she let go, she consumed, unhinged the jaw of her soul to drink whatever was given. And, still, nothing satiated.

In Aiden’s absence, they developed a fast friendship. The kind of kinship established due to a common sadness, shared loneliness that becomes bearable through laughter and food and the good company of one who understands.

THE TROUBLE WAS THAT ZORA WANTED MORE than Taiye could give. She was hungry for a full meal, but Taiye offered only appetizers, delectable hors d’oeuvres, mouth-watering desserts, fine sweets, and rich wine.

But: “You know, sometimes a queen gets tired.”That’s how Timi put it. Taiye knew that she would never go there, not while Kehinde was alive in the world. She would never leave her sister alone, even if they never spoke again.

Kehinde, It’s a clear night in London. A gift. My eyes aren’t big enough to see the whole night. The sky seems impossibly close, if I reached up right now I could probably touch it.