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The words afford and fees turn my spine into a rod.
me haha
I sit down and say a prayer that the seat belt will fit. You never know on planes. Sometimes the seat belts are just fine, other times I swear that the only people the manufacturers had in mind were children.
my mind begins to sputter about all the ways my heavyset hips might encroach on his space.
“I can put the armrest back down if you want,” I tell him, already picturing the bruise it will leave on my thigh.
On a plane…maybe. Definitely not on a helicopter.
Sometimes you just have to take whatever step you can and hope it leads you in the right direction.
“Does my sister look basic to you?” Anna snaps.
QUEEN.
because there was no chance any of those stores carried my clothing size.
no lies said..
I open the door and step out, imagining the camera zooming in for a close-up of my shoes. (Hey, a girl can dream.)
Anna sniffs the air. “What?” Drew asks. “What is it?” Anna crosses her arms. “Smells like fate. Looks like fate. Must be fate.”
When someone calls me brave for going out or wearing a fitted dress or for some other normal thing that every other girl does, what it really means is: I would be mortified to look like you, but good for you for merely existing even if all I can think about is how fat you are and how I’m terrified I’ll one day look like you. So brave.
mhm
I’m not brave for wearing a dress. I’m just living!
trying my best not to sound like I’m scared of the dark. I’m not, but it’s also really unsettling to not even be able to see your own hand in front of you,
lowkey same i hate the dark lmaoo
but a very small wiggling familiarity in the pit of my stomach is reminded of the one or two times when some jerk has convinced me to be his secret for whatever reason,
usually because he didn’t want to be the guy dating the fat girl.
“Try to avoid the lava.”
I would have been, like, really good at sorority stuff. Kappa Gamma Boo-Hoo or whatever.”
“Oh, yay, more waiting around for men to do something.” “Cue the confetti cannon,” she says.
but I held on to some kind of hope that he might choose me after that look we shared.
girl you know damn well...
she’s the kind of person who just glows,
I’ve always been awful with faces. Sierra used to make fun of me for just drawing smiley faces on every sketch.
meeee hahha
Usually, he would answer immediately, or sometimes, if he was asleep, it would take him a few seconds. But he always answered. Always.
When I close my eyes, I hope Dad is there calling back to me, like he always was when I needed him most.
It feels like I gave some guy my number and he hasn’t called.
I heard so many people tell me they were sorry over and over again to the point that the word doesn’t even carry meaning anymore. It’s just a cloud of a word. You can hear it. You can see it. You just can’t feel it.
The pain I felt was different from theirs, but it was a pain we bonded over.
I need my city noise.
realest thing ever
Henry’s light flickers off and on twice in quick succession, and I can only hope it’s his secret way of telling me yes.
“You know I’m on the show. You’ve known since you met me at my house, and you couldn’t at least prepare for the possibility that you might have to clothe me?”
“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think you’d make it this far.”
let me fight her real quick
You look like you’ve got some muscle. She looks like she could pop an implant,
HAHHA
The way she called me brave, like I deserved a cookie for having the nerve to be a fat girl in a pretty dress.
“Just playing by the rules. Moo, bitch. Moo.”
OKAAY HAHA
His mouth moves effortlessly against mine, and he pulls me in closer to him, wrapping his arm around my waist.
jealous jealous jealous.
Back at the house, I take a shower while Addison announces that she’s moving into Chloe’s room.
DEAD LMAAAO
My heart sinks. “‘Dear Addison…’”
BRO WHAT DO U MEAN
“Are you serious? This isn’t your wedding dress or something.”
cindy is so feisty i love her
but something about the process of threading it and holding it between my teeth as I use my seam ripper makes me feel at ease. Calmed. Soothed. This was the exact energy I was chasing
“You’re like an antidepressant in human form,” I tell her.
He reaches out to my hand dangling at my side and links his pinkie with mine, and it feels like my whole pounding heart is right there, living in my little finger.
pressing his lips to my forehead and murmuring, “What I wouldn’t do for ten minutes alone with you.”
Addison coughs into her fist. “Heifer.”
omg shut uuuup
Even the towels are huge, which—as someone who has never been able to wrap a hotel towel around themselves without a massive gap showcasing the goods—is an extravagance.
omg paradise of huge towels. yes.
Besides, queer people deserve to have their bad romantic decisions documented for the whole country to consume, too.
“Was it about me being fat?” Beck shoves her hands in her pockets and nods.
my heart :(
“Henry is Daddy and I’m nonbinary Mommy.”
A storm of anxiety swirls in my chest, and it’s the same panic I feel when I attempt to clean out my closet.
If you want me on your damn show, make it possible for me to be included. That’s it. It’s that simple.
“Okay, first off—men don’t want their partners to be their mothers…and if they do, those aren’t the men we’re looking for.”
MHM
clothes can be art, but they’re also a necessity.
