Break Me (Brayshaw, #5)

by Meagan Brandy

Like the North Star in a dark night’s sky, he burns too bright to hide. How exhausting that must be.

“She laughs when she should be scared, jokes when she should be mad, and—” “So she’s Royce-proof?” Victoria interrupts me, making Raven laugh.

“So which is it, Playboy, you want me to play the lamb or the lion?” My muscles flex beneath my shirt. “How ‘bout my lamb, the world’s lion?”

“I want to be the guy a girl closes her eyes at night and sees. The one she wakes thinking about ‘cause she wants to fuck me or fuck with me, fight with me. And not because she wants to gain something or prove something, but because I’m all that she can see and she feels blind without me, even if she wishes she didn’t sometimes. I want to be her light and dark and, yeah, sometimes her fucking nightmare. A fucking king in her eyes and she’d be all those things right back, the queen in mine. Of mine.”

“He’s picking a fight.” “Yeah.” She squeezes her lips together. “He is.” Her eyes come to mine, a crazy gray in color, and focused. “It’s what he does when his head’s too heavy for him to hold up.”

I hate her, she don’t listen. I like her, she challenges me. I can’t stand the sight of her, she distracts me. I can’t function when she’s out of sight, she’s all I want to see.

I want him to kiss me again, to devour me. I want him to break me. It’ll be worth it.

“My little Tink,” he rasps. “Help me fly...”

“Help me fly, ‘cause this lost boy is on his way down, baby girl...” He quiets, his hold tightening.

He’s on his way down... He’s falling.

What would he say if he knew I hit the ground long ago?

He’s afraid to feel. Afraid to hurt once he does because he believes that’s all that follows. So, he spends his time with gorgeous girls he has no desire to know, who have no wish to know him either, and he tells himself he’s okay with it. He’s not.

He craves what they have, but he doesn’t believe he can have it, too.

“You’ve been through some shit, more than I know, but you’re not hardened or bitter.”

“You were strong for strangers. You helped them see there’s more. You were the hope to lost souls.”

“He’s the toughest person I know. The bravest, boldest, but he’s... not easy to handle. He fucks up when he feels.”

“Why are you telling me this?” “Because there’ll be a time when you need to remember it.”

“He will love fiercer than anyone ever could, deeper than most would think possible, but chances are, he’ll tear you apart in the process. Can you handle that?”

I’m not afraid to say I want him, but I know I’m not a girl he would ever love. Not the kind of love he’s after.”

“You make me laugh when I wanna tear shit apart.” You make me feel things I’m not sure I should.

“I’m tired of being careful. I want to be—” “Bad.” He kisses my jaw. “Naughty.” Another kiss. “Dirty?” “Free. Valued.” My breathing is picking up now. “I want to know what it feels like to be wanted.” No, wait, that’s not right... “I want you to show me what that feels like.” “If I touch you, I might get addicted.”

“I’m far from fuckin’ playin’. Last chance. Touch my cock, you’re mine.” “Then stop talking, Playboy. Let me make it official.”

“For the record, as far as I’m concerned you were already mine, and baby girl... know that I’m yours.”

One day learn to swim. And then this girl, she’ll soar way the fuck above me, because she’ so much more than I could ever be.

“I didn’t fuck you, by the way,” he tells me. “I stole you.” My brows jump teasingly. “Stole me?” “Yeah. You don’t belong to you anymore.” My throat grows thick as I stare at the boy beside me. “Is that right?” He nods. “You belong to me and there’s nothing you can do to change that.” My blood runs warm, my chest squeezing. “I think I’m okay with that.” “Wouldn’t matter if you weren’t.”

“Business, huh, Royce?” Victoria teases. I flip her off with a smirk. Fuck business. That’s my baby.

If your girl for real loses her sight, you’ll find a way to make her see. No-fucking-body else will be able to give her that. You’re not her ruin, Royce, you’re her only fuckin’ recovery.”

“Think about it, Ponyboy,” Raven whispers. “You don’t get close to people, neither does she. She’s been alone, and you feel alone even when you’re not. Maybe that’s because deep down you feel something’s missing, something we can’t give you.” She stands with a shrug. “Maybe that something is her.”

“I’m so sick of good and I don’t want calm. I want a hurricane. I need a nightmare and someone to hold my hand through the darkness that follows. I want raw realness and a catastrophic mess because that’s real life. I need something real and honest, hard-living and so true it hurts to think about. I want the pain that comes with something so deep that I bleed when you’re the one who’s cut.”

Loneliness is what brought Brielle here, pain is what drew her to me, and longing is what bonded us together. Need recognizes need. Her and I, we need each other.

“I love her more than anyone has ever loved a soul. So much so I don’t even own mine anymore. She does. She said she’s inside me, and she was right. Every fucking bone in my body aches for her. I ain’t afraid to admit anymore that I will be nothing, fucking nothing, without her. I worship that girl.”

“I see you, Royce. Every time I close my eyes, every time the darkness creeps in, there you are.” Her voice cracks. “You’re not the darkness I can’t escape, you’re the light I’ll forever follow. Without you, my sight means nothing, because you’re the only thing I want to see.”

“I love you, Brielle Bishop. More than the stars love the darkness, and you love me, too.” “More than you’ll ever know,” she whispers. “I could lose my sight overnight, and I’d still have more than I could ever ask for in you.”

“Thank you for... loving him like no one else could. For pushing back when he pushed good and hard.”