Break Me (Brayshaw, #5)

by Meagan Brandy

He wanted her safe and far away from any danger our world might bring, since she was finally safe from the one she was born into. He said she wouldn’t survive, that her world would turn dark, and he couldn’t live with that.

“Keep it up, it’s good for my ego.” “Mm,” I tease, tilting my head. “I feel like your ego is really well-fed.”

“If one-liners like that are what the girls you spend your time with find cute or even a little bit appealing, then I feel bad for you.” “Oh yeah, and why’s that?” “Because that would mean you know nothing about actual effort, and that’s a shame. Someone with the world at their fingertips should be far more than a bag of jokes and heavy fists.”

“Why should I have to be this saint others expect of me in order to have a future I can be proud of, happy with? What if I want to be different? And more than that, what if I’m supposed to be?”

“But was raised with a whole lot of bad.” Her eyes, they lift to mine. “So, can I even be me without at least a little bit?”

“I don’t want to give people here another reason to whisper about me.”

“Because she’s good enough for his bed, but not his heart.”

“I can’t be me, and I can’t talk about me... how messed up is that?”

Before my dad became an evil dad, he was an evil brother.

Will this forever be my new normal? My brothers with their girls, and me by my damn self? Untrusting. Unattached and uninterested.

This worked out perfectly, really. I’m giving her a chance at a life that was taken from her and I get to use her to spite Bass while doing it, all in one move.

If I had to guess, I’d say she understood. She was coming whether she wanted to or not. But I’m not convinced she didn’t want...

She wants to be whatever I want her to be. Whatever I want her to be. I want her to be better off than she was because she was supposed to be. I want her to be everything her brother doesn’t. I want her to do all the things he’d hate. See all the things he tried to shield her from. The pain and anger, the danger and resolution. I want her in the middle of trouble and forced to fight her way out. I want her to be nothing she is and everything she’s not.

To obliterate the softness, bury the bright, and lead her into the darkness? To erase everything she is and rewrite her completely.

I should have realized right then and there Brielle Bishop would be a problem for me. I didn’t.

I like him like this. As he walks away, I realize that’s not true. I think I like all the shades of him. Oops.

“I thought you and I were going to be able to be friends. I kind of sort of thought we were starting to be already, to be honest, but if you want to keep me at this push and pull level, make it clear we aren’t and won’t be, that’s fine. I’m more than capable of being whatever else it is you need me to be, but if you decide you might have room for one more person to, you know, not hate, I won’t pretend I wouldn’t like that.” I tuck my hands in my pockets. “I’m not embarrassed to admit I could use a friend. It’s been a while since I’ve had one.”

She looks away. “You’re impossible. And kind of bipolar.”

“I want to be the guy a girl closes her eyes at night and sees. The one she wakes thinking about ‘cause she wants to fuck me or fuck with me, fight with me. And not because she wants to gain something or prove something, but because I’m all that she can see and she feels blind without me, even if she wishes she didn’t sometimes. I want to be her light and dark and, yeah, sometimes her fucking nightmare. A fucking king in her eyes and she’d be all those things right back, the queen in mine. Of mine.”

“My vision...” How much do I share? “It gets foggy sometimes, doubles, but it always comes back.” For now, until the nerves give completely, and all that’s left is darkness.

I do want to stay, and not for anyone else this time. For me.

Wanna fuck a Brayshaw? Go for the fucked-up one with tattoos you could never understand and a mind you could never live inside, a soul you could never reach. One and done. You don’t have to get to know him, you don’t even have to like him, and the chump won’t even care, he’s that detached.

We need more. We need real. I want him to kiss me again, to devour me. I want him to break me. It’ll be worth it.

Royce Brayshaw has the ability to feed my soul... or feast on it. And me? I must be as sick as my mother was... because I’m pretty sure I’d let him do both.

“He will love fiercer than anyone ever could, deeper than most would think possible, but chances are, he’ll tear you apart in the process. Can you handle that?”

He slams his head back onto the blanket, only to lift it again with a growl. “You put that mouth on me, it’s mine.”

I might be a sinking fucking ship, I can’t deny that, but if I do go down, she doesn’t have to drown with me.

She’s not afraid to be vulnerable, could care less of what people think of her. She wants nothing more than to simply...be. The truth is, I wish I was like her. I’m not. I’m who the outside world expects me to be. Young, rich, and privileged and everything those three worthless words entail.

I’m on the edge of addictive insanity, wicked decisions, and life-changing trials. And I’m ready for it. If Royce is with me, I’m so ready for it.

Creases pull at his forehead. “I’m not small, baby girl. This is gonna hurt.” “Then make it hurt good.”

I wonder how much it would take to convince myself I’m not in love with the girl I have to let go? That I haven’t loved her since before I realized it. That pushing my baby away isn’t about to fuck me? Wreck me? Fucking break me? Because it is.

He’s a fraud in his own skin. He’s going to make this hurt. I can see it in his lonely, broken boy eyes. I guess this is where it all falls apart. The saying goes nothing lasts forever, but that saying is a damn lie, because pain does. Pain lasts a lifetime. Here comes mine.

Loneliness is what brought Brielle here, pain is what drew her to me, and longing is what bonded us together. Need recognizes need. Her and I, we need each other.

“For once in my life, I have something I don’t have to let go of like I had to let go of you. I have the chance to stay and fight for what I want. Don’t ask me not to. You won’t like what follows.”

“I see you, Royce. Every time I close my eyes, every time the darkness creeps in, there you are.” Her voice cracks. “You’re not the darkness I can’t escape, you’re the light I’ll forever follow. Without you, my sight means nothing, because you’re the only thing I want to see.”

My world, it will be painted black and sooner than it should, but I can say now with complete honesty that I’m okay with that, because Royce Brayshaw will be my light. My night. My everything. He’s my kind of king.