This Close To Okay

by Leesa Cross-Smith

Tallie was used to making excuses for her mother. (“She didn’t mean it that way. She comes off rude sometimes, but she has a heart of gold.”) Her whole life, Tallie had suffered through her mom telling her things she should’ve kept to herself. From remarking on her new stretch marks as she bloomed into a teenager to trying to persuade her to take part of the blame when it came to Joel’s affair. (“How were things in the bedroom for you two? Were you closed off? Did you give him any signals that this sort of thing would be okay?”) Tallie became a therapist instead of going to one, and she knew well enough how deeply a trained mental health professional could analyze that decision. She automatically put everyone else’s feelings and situations in front of her own because she was raised by a self-absorbed mother. Judith had a way of making Tallie feel as if her life or problems would never be as important as Judith’s own. Tallie promised herself if she adopted a baby, she’d never make the same mistake. She was an easy forgiver but had realized early on that she and her mom would always have a complicated relationship. She didn’t know one woman who didn’t have a complicated relationship with their mother, and that was at least one thing keeping her therapy practice in business—in fact, she’d never met a client yet who wasn’t able to talk at loquacious length about their mama.