The Plot Against America

by Philip Roth

I didn’t know. I didn’t know any longer what the law was and so I didn’t know what might or might not be against it. I didn’t seem to know whether my own father—who’d just headed downstairs with my mother—was really alive or pretending to be alive or being driven around dead in the back of that ambulance. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know why Alvin was bad now instead of good. I didn’t know if I had dreamed that an FBI agent had questioned me on Chancellor Avenue. It had to be a dream and yet couldn’t be if everybody else said they’d been questioned too. Unless that was the dream. I felt woozy and thought I was going to faint. I’d never before seen anyone faint, other than in a movie, and I’d never before fainted myself. I’d never before looked at my house from a hiding place across the street and wished that it was somebody else’s. I’d never before had twenty dollars in my pocket. I’d never before known anyone who’d seen his father hanging in a closet. I’d never before had to grow up at a pace like this. Never before—the great refrain of 1942.