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To justice. Vengeance. Salvation. For sixteen years, the pursuit of those three things had consumed me. They were my every waking thought, my every dream and nightmare. My reason for living.
How ironic the two of us were sitting here: me, the girl who remembered almost nothing, and Alex, the man who remembered everything.
“You wouldn’t hurt me.” That mysterious spark crystallized into anger. “This is why Josh was so worried about you. You are trusting to a fault.”
“Those rose-tinted glasses look good on you, Sunshine.”
But secretly, winter fascinates you.” I lowered my head until my own breath skated over her skin and her scent crawled into my nostrils, drugging me, turning my voice into a hoarse, sinful version of itself. “It speaks to the darkest parts of your soul. The manifestations of your nightmares. It’s everything you fear, and for that, you love it. Because the fear makes you feel alive.”
Most people thought the biggest sacrifice they could make was to die for something. They were wrong. The biggest sacrifice you could make was to live for something—to allow it to consume you and turn you into a version of yourself you didn’t recognize. Death was oblivion; life was reality, the harshest truth that had ever existed.
they’ll give you the love you want so desperately you’d whore yourself out for it.”
She was mine. She just didn’t know it yet. I hadn’t known it myself until I saw her in Colton’s arms and every instinct raged at me to tear her away. To claim what belonged to me.
a desire to drag her out of the sunshine and into my night.
Like he wanted to burn the world down at seeing me hurt.
“I will destroy him.” Alex’s words sliced through the air like lethal blades of ice. Goose bumps blossomed on my skin and I shivered, my teeth chattering from the cold. “Everything he has ever touched, everyone he has ever loved. I will ruin them until they’re nothing more than a pile of ashes at your feet.”
Love isn’t earned. It’s given.”
“There’s something beautiful waiting for you, Alex. Whether you find it tomorrow or years from now, I hope it’ll restore your faith in life. You deserve all the beauty and light in the world.”
“I’m trying to save you, Ava,” he said out of nowhere, right as we finished all the dishes and I prepared to flee. “From what?” I refused to look at him, but I could see him watching me out of the corner of my eye. “From me.” I didn’t respond, because how was I supposed to tell the man determined to save me that I didn’t want to be saved?
“You asked me to teach you how to swim. I’m the one who worked with you all these weeks. If you think I’m going to let some fucker swoop in and take what’s mine, you don’t know me at all.”
I was once again struck by the contradiction that was Alex Volkov. So cold and uncaring to the world, yet so warm and protective when he wanted to be. I’d known him for eight years, yet I hadn’t known him at all.
Once I got my hands on her, she’d be filthy. Broken. Just like everything I touched. But she’d be mine. And I was selfish and cruel enough that I’d take her with me while I burned down the world.
“You’re right, sweetheart,” I said, dropping my forehead to hers with a resigned sigh. So. Fucked. “But the rules don’t apply to you.”
“Or you’ll ruin your reputation for unfeeling sex.” “No one else will see me this way. Only you.”
“What did I tell you? You’re mine, Sunshine. You’re never touching another man unless you want him six feet in the ground. So yes, we’re fucking exclusive.”
“You are the light to my dark, Sunshine,” he said in a raw voice. His lips brushed against mine as he spoke. “Without you, I’m lost.”
“It’s a simple equation, Sunshine. If you’re in New York, I’m in New York.”
but I’d rather be the villain with her by my side than the hero who risked losing her because of a misguided sense of morality.
Ava would never be safe as long as she was with me, so I let her go. She was mine…but I let her go.
Sick of letting men who didn’t give two shits about me have this hold over me.
“Because I love her!” I slammed my hands on the table. “There, happy? I love her so much I would rather give her up than hurt her. But if you think I’m letting her go to another country alone, with no protection, you’ve got another think coming. Now give me her fucking flight info.”
“I asked you that day if any of it had been real. You looked me in the eye and told me it was a lesson for the future. So consider the lesson learned.” Alex flinched. “It was real,” he said hoarsely. “All of it.”
“I can’t do that, sweetheart. I’ll wait however long it takes, but I’ll never be okay with a world in which you’re alone.”
“I never claimed to be Prince Charming, and my love isn’t a fairy-tale type of love. I’m a fucked-up person with fucked-up morals. I won’t write you poems or serenade you beneath the moonlight. But you are the only woman I have eyes for. Your enemies are my enemies, your friends are my friends, and if you wanted, I would burn down the world for you.”
I’m hoping, with all my heart, that one day she’ll find her way out of the darkness and into the light again.”
