QUICK ASIDE TO LIST THE TURNING POINTS OF MY LIFE IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: • Shitting in toilet • Barbies suddenly not as compelling to play with, first existential crisis ensues • Trying for an hour to put in a tampon the day I get my period for the first time because I want to be like my mom • While riding Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion realize that I, too, will die someday; second existential crisis ensues • 9/11 • First French kiss • Successfully put in a tampon • Finally GET Monty Python and the Holy Grail • Lose virginity • Grandma dies • Give up on trying to read The Things They Carried •
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