And now we come to me, a real-life Todd Solondz hilarious uggo. I was a pale kid with transition-lensed glasses and a rolling backpack, with lopsided bangs that I, for some reason, cut myself. I was so naturally scrawny that there was a rumor going around that I was anorexic but also a rumor that I wasn’t cool enough to be anorexic. I sang show tunes under my breath and used words like “parlance.” My favorite outfit: sweatpants, Payless zipper shoes, and an oversize T-shirt that featured Betty Boop dressed as all of the Spice Girls, the caption of which said, appropriately, boop world.
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