Home Is Where You Are

by Melissa Grace

“Where are you ladies sitting?” Liv pulled her ticket from her back pocket, inspecting it. “Main floor, row S.” “I think we can do one better than that.” I raised my brow in question to the rest of the guys. They nodded their agreement to whatever plan I was cooking up on the fly. “No way,” Grace gasped, her eyes lit up with excitement. It was then I knew exactly what I had to do. I hoped on all that was holy that she wouldn’t think I was a total creeper. “Way,” I said with as much smoothness as I could muster. “I think we could make room for you guys to watch the show from the side of the stage, but I’m going to need one small favor in return.” “Yes! Anything!” Grace shrieked. “Whatever it is, yes.” Liv and Ella eyed me suspiciously. Not nearly as suspiciously as the rest of the band. What the fuck was I even doing? “I’m gonna need your Aunt Liv’s phone number.” I smiled down at Liv and chewed my lip nervously, as a soft flush of pink crept onto Liv’s face. Dallas looked at me with wide eyes, clearly not expecting me to go in this direction. Hell, even I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing. Cash glanced up from his phone call and shot me a questioning look. “Excuse me?” Liv asked. “You want my number because why?” “Here it is.” Before Liv could protest any further, Grace had already pulled up the number on her phone and had it in my hands. “Grace,” Liv hissed. I whipped my phone out of my back pocket, snapping a photo of the screen with Olivia Sinclair’s number on it. “...

“If you want to keep my number, you’ve got to dedicate a song to Grace on stage tonight.” She tilted her chin up at me with playful defiance. My mouth twitched into a grin. “I think we can make that happen.” Grace shrieked. “Really? Please let it be ‘Fortress.’ It’s my favorite.”

“I think you can be grateful for your success without being in love with every aspect of it.”

“We’re almost at our pitstop.” I began looking around for any clue as to what this pitstop might be. I saw several car lots, a bank, and a thrift store. The street was lined with businesses, but none that would be open at this hour. That’s when I saw it. The pink neon lights blinked in invitation to Lion’s Den Adult Entertainment Store. Surely not, right? I hadn’t given any indication I would be down for a trip to the Lion’s Den, had I? This guy was hot, but I was definitely not ready for him to see my Batcave. He began to slow the car as we got closer to the neon pink beacon in the night. Shit. Shit. Shit. My palms started sweating, and my heart thudded so hard I could feel it in my ears. The one time I forgot to put my mace in my purse, I managed to find myself in the Batmobile with a rockstar going to the fucking Lion’s Den to tame my hostile kitty. Shit. “Um, Jax... I think maybe you got the wrong idea here,” I squeaked out as the car’s speed slowed more, the entrance to the Lion’s Den only a few yards away. “I know you said you wanted to make my night, but I hope I didn’t make you think I would be interested in…” I trailed off as we passed by the pink neon lights, and he turned right into the Krispy Kreme parking lot. The donut shop sat far back enough that I couldn’t see it until that moment, and conveniently enough, the light on their road sign was out. “Wait, what?” Jax looked over at me, confused. “I thought everyone liked donuts.”

“Oh shit.” I brought the car to a stop in the parking lot. “Are you gluten-free?” After she’d mentioned her bakery earlier, I thought for sure she’d be down for some donuts, and these were my favorite. Every time I was in a city with a Krispy Kreme, I had to have them. “Or on a low carb thing or…” “No, it’s not that.” She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking with laughter. “I love donuts, but I thought—” A fit of giggles ripped through her, and it was so damn cute. I found myself laughing along with her, even though I had no clue what the joke was. She removed her hands, and even in the dim lighting of the parking lot, I could see that her face had turned pink. Her eyes glistened with tears as she tried unsuccessfully to stop laughing. “I didn’t think this was where we were going,” she choked out. “I kind of freaked out for a minute there. Whew. Crisis averted.” I chuckled, still completely confused, as I watched her entire body vibrate with laughter. That’s when I saw it. Pink neon lights glittered in my rearview mirror advertising the Lion’s Den Adult Entertainment Store. Oh. My. God. “Wait. You thought I was taking you to the sex shop?” Warmth rose to my cheeks, and I roared with laughter. She nodded and pressed her lips together, unable to meet my gaze. Slowly she turned to look at me and nodded, causing us both to dissolve once again. “It’s because I heard that ‘hostile kitty’ comment, huh?” I raised my brow at her. “Oh, fuck.” She covered her face o...

“I’ll be thirty-seven,” I said finally. “Okay.” He shrugged. “When I was thirty, you were twenty-two.” “Believe it or not, I can do basic math.” He held up his hands and wiggled them. “Without even using my fingers.”

“I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve felt a connection between us ever since I saw you standing outside that dressing room, and I think you feel it too.” He took a step closer to me, my hand still enclosed in his. “So, I’m going to ask you again. Will you let me know you?’ “I don’t know, Jax.” I shook my head. “Please.” His mouth stretched into an adorable grin. “I promise I’ll grow on you.” “Like a fungus?” I asked, my lips curling into a smile against my will. “Exactly like that,” he murmured, reaching for my other hand. I relished in the feeling of his calloused fingers against my skin. “Okay,” I agreed. I withdrew my hands from his, and a flash of disappointment flickered across his face. “Friends. We can be friends.”

“There is no us,” I reminded him, tilting my head in warning. “Not yet.” He grinned at me playfully. “How can you be so sure you won’t find me irresistible?”

“Tell me everything.” “Okay. Let’s start with how Cash sure loved him some Ella.” “What?” She tilted her head quizzically, as though she had no clue what I was talking about. “No way.” “Girl, he made sure he was next to you all night,” I reminded her. “After you left, he said you were a pistol. He’s cute too.”

Dolly Parton quote, ‘don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.’

“Make yourself comfortable.” I gestured at the navy-blue sofa as Mama came out from her hiding place, hissing in Jax’s direction. He looked taken aback for a moment before his mouth stretched into a big grin. “Hostile kitty?” I laughed. “Yep. That’s Mama. I’ve had her for two months, and I’m pretty sure she’s been plotting my death the entire time.” “Hi, Mama,” he said, as she scampered off toward the kitchen. “Don’t take it personally.” I snorted. “She’s an equal opportunity hater.”

Occasionally, Mama would make her way into the living room and peek at me suspiciously. I leaned my hand down to pet her once, but she hissed at me before darting down the hallway.

If I were your husband, I never would have let you stop, but then again, I never would have let you go.”

“Damn, Liv,” He took in a deep breath. “Is there anything you can’t do?” “Change a flat tire,” I answered flatly. “There was an incident this past spring. You can ask Ella. It ended with both of us covered in dirt on the side of the interstate, and we still had to call AAA. Almost put my eye out with that wrenchy thing.” He choked out a laugh. “Could you mean a tire iron?” “All I know is it looks like some sort of medieval torture device.”

“Liv, you deserve to be so much more than in the background of someone else’s story. You deserve to be center stage.”

“Really?” “Nope.” He shook his head. “I’ve dated a couple of girls over the years. They were nice and all, but none of them were serious girlfriends. It’s never been high on my priority list before. I guess part of me has been scared.” “Scared of love?” “Scared of losing it.” I nodded. “It is scary.” “But is it worth it?”

“Thank you for doing this with me, Liv. I don’t know what it is about you, but you seem to get me. I know I’ve got a ways to go, but today felt good.” “I should be thanking you.” She bit her lip, resting her head on the back of the couch. “You’re the one who did me the favor,” I reminded her. “Maybe it started out that way, but writing with you tonight was like finding a piece of myself that’s been missing.” She looked at me through her dark eyelashes. “It’s been so long since I played or even tried to write a song. Short of the occasional karaoke night with Ella, I stopped singing altogether.” “But why?” She stared at her hands for a moment. When she looked back at me, tears were shining in her eyes. “Because it hurt too much. I gave it all up for Ben, but it’s not his fault. I chose that path, and I chose wrong because the day I let go of my music, I let go of myself too. I let go of every dream I ever had.”

“Now, we turn up the speed and whip it into submission.”

“It just isn’t really what I wanted to do for a living. I’m good at it, but it’s never been what I was passionate about. Baking was supposed to help afford me the ability to do what I loved. It was supposed to be more of a means to an end, but that’s the way it is sometimes, right? What we’re good at and what we’re passionate about aren’t always the same things.”

Without thinking, I covered his hand with my own, our fingers intertwining for one sweet moment. Maybe Jax and I were a bad idea, but I had to admit, I loved this song.

“Dallas is going to love this. The rest of the guys will too.” “I’m happy to do it. The guys are your people, and you’re one of my people, so now they’re my people too.” She shrugged. “I like to take care of my people.”

Suddenly, Mama’s loud meow interrupted my thoughts. “I’ve got it,’ Liv said, wiping her hands on a dish-towel on the counter. She crossed to the back door and opened it, letting out a shrill scream before taking off out the back door. “Oh my God! Mama!” “What’s wrong?” I rushed outside to find her chasing Mama around in an attempt to get her to drop the very stunned, or very dead, chipmunk she held in her jaw. “Drop it, Mama!” Liv shrieked. “Bad cat! No!” Mama dropped the chipmunk who, much to my surprise, was alive. Seeing it attempt to scurry away, Mama went into attack mode again. I dove for Mama as Liv lunged for the chipmunk. Liv’s face crumpled with horror when she realized she’d grabbed the rodent with her bare hands. “Oh my God! What do I do? What do I do with it, Jax?” I howled with laughter because I didn’t know who looked more terrified: Liv or the chipmunk. “If I put it down here, Mama will find it, and I cannot be finding dead baby chipmunks.”

“You better lock that shit down, Jax,” Luca warned. Dallas rolled his eyes. “Sage words of wisdom from the guy who can’t even get a girlfriend.”

“He encourages you to do the things you love instead of shoving them out of sight like they’re something to be ashamed of.

“Honey, love is a risk no matter how you slice it. There will always be a chance you could get hurt, one way or another. Love isn’t about choosing who you think won’t hurt you. It’s about choosing who’s worth hurting for.

“Can I hold your hand? Will you let me walk you to your door? I know we just met, and it's 3 am, but all I want is more.”

“I want to be the man who is better than every other man that came before. So, give me a chance. May I have this dance? Baby, will you let me love you more?”

I turned to go inside, afraid I would dissolve into tears if I watched his car pull away, but Jax’s voice caught my attention. “Turn around!” When I did, he was leaning out the passenger side window, making a heart shape with his hands. “You’re perfect, Olivia Sinclair!” I blew him a kiss that he pretended to catch as Brady pulled the car away from the curb.

You are so going!” Ella squealed as she and Katie bounced excitedly together. “If we have to fold you up, put you in a suitcase, and take you ourselves, you are going to see that man.”

“There’s more where that came from inside that bag. You can’t be heading off to LA with granny panties in your suitcase or, God forbid, on your actual body.” “I don’t wear Granny panties,” I scoffed. “Oh yeah?” She walked over to my suitcase, pulling out a modest pair of full-coverage underwear. “What do you call this little number that you picked up from Costco?” “Don’t you dare take Costco’s name in vain.” I laughed, snatching the underwear from her hand. “Costco is where you buy toilet paper in bulk, not sexy underwear.”

As I gazed into her emerald eyes, I knew I could search the world over and never find a woman more perfect for me than her.

“You wreck me, Olivia Sinclair.” He crashed his lips into mine. “You absolutely wreck me.” The truth was, he wrecked me too.

“I am one with this couch. I live here now.”

“I can’t wait to see you in that dress,” he assured me. “We’ve barely had a moment alone since we left LA. All I want is to stay in this room and make good use of that king-size bed and the jacuzzi.” “We still have a little while before we have to get ready to go.” I bit my lip suggestively. “I was thinking a bubble bath would be nice.” I rose to my feet and reached my hands out to him, pulling him up with me. His lips curled into a seductive smile as I ran my hands up his chiseled chest. “Yeah? And then what?” “And then you could carry me to the bed,” I purred as he leaned down, trailing soft kisses along my neck. “And then?” “And then…” I continued, putting on the breathiest, sexiest voice I could muster. “And then you could lay me down… and then we could…” His lips traveled up to my jawline. “Yeah?” “Take a nap,” I whispered directly in his ear, unable to contain my giggles. He pulled back to look at me, his head cocked to the side. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?” He tried unsuccessfully to keep a straight face, a sly smile playing across his lips. “I know I’m funny.”

I’ve got to say, I’m usually more of a change from my daytime pajamas into my nighttime pajamas type of girl, but I could get used to this.”

Liv had given me the greatest gift of all. She’d given me a person to belong to, something worth missing. The least I could do was spend my life making her happy.

“I love the smell of Target. Smells like everything I never knew I needed.”

The thing I remember being so painful about grief was that for so long, it felt like my entire world stopped, but everyone around me kept going on as though nothing even happened. Holidays still came and went, and the days passed like normal when it was anything but.”

With one last squeeze of her hand, I started down the walk. When I reached the door of the bus, I heard her call out to me. ”Turn around!” A grin spread across my face as I turned to see her running toward me. She didn’t stop until she jumped into my arms, planting a kiss firmly on my mouth. “I love you, Jaxon Slade.” “I love you, Olivia Sinclair.”

“Fuck,” he panted. He pressed his head back into the pillow and cried out his release, his eyes rolling back slightly. “That was… the hottest thing… I’ve ever seen.” “Wow,” I said. “That was—” I stopped mid-sentence when I heard something that sounded like a shower curtain being ripped open. “Dude, are you oka—” I heard Luca’s voice, and saw Jax’s face crumple in horror before the screen went black. “What the fuck!” “What the hell are you doing?” Jax hissed. I gasped, instinctively pulling the sheet over me, even though Jax had dropped the phone, and neither of them could see me. Jax cursed, and I heard the curtain close before he came back into the frame. “You sounded like a fucking wounded animal, man,” Luca whispered loudly. “How was I supposed to know you were in here letting the snake out of the fucking cage?” “Shit.”

“What are you even doing back here? Aren’t you supposed to be playing poker?” “I lost,” Luca replied. “Already?” Jax asked. “Guess you’re not the only minute man around here.” I could practically hear the smirk on Luca’s face. “I hate you,” Jax said, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. “I really do.” “This never happened,” Luca said through the curtain. “I was never here.” “Thank you.” Jax shrank into the mattress as though he hoped it might open up and swallow him. “And, uh, Liv?” Luca’s voice was softer this time. “Don’t worry. I didn’t, uh, see anything except Jax’s junk. Okay bye.” Jax cringed into the pillow, and I pulled the sheet up to my chin and sputtered out a laugh. “Better your junk than mine.”

“I know you didn’t like me much, Mama,” I said to her, “but I guess I came to love you and your ornery ways. I need you to look after Liv, okay? I love her so much, Mama. She’s my whole world, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without her.” Mama tilted her head as though she was considering what I was saying. I dropped my head into my hands, my shoulders shaking. I felt a soft thud beside me followed by the touch of a tentative paw on my leg. I looked up to see Mama’s knowing eyes searching mine. I reached my hand out to her, and for the first time, she didn’t run. She didn’t flinch. Instead, she leaned her face into my hand, rubbing against my fingers. I stroked my hand down her back softly, and without warning, she put her front paws on my arm and reached up to nudge my face with hers. “I’m gonna miss you too,” I whispered. She purred her reply as my phone pinged with a text signaling that Dallas was here. The pit in my stomach grew because I knew that meant it was time for me to leave. I placed a soft kiss on Mama’s head. “Take care of her, Mama.”

“You’re damn right it isn’t fucking fair,” I shouted, running my hands through my hair in frustration. “My mom is dead, and the only home I’ve ever fucking known doesn’t want me! What was the fucking point of me finding her? What was the point of me falling in love with her? For her to tell me that love isn’t fucking enough?”

“I wish I could tell you the exact right choices to make, but the road to happiness is a bumpy one. Sometimes you have to hit a few potholes and take a few wrong turns to get to happiness. Sometimes you’re cruising along happy as can be, and out of nowhere, everything goes up in flames. But those moments of happiness are worth the pain. They’re worth every bit of it. So, what do I think you should do? I think you have to figure out what happiness means to you, and you have to unapologetically do that. In the words of the great philosopher, Dolly Parton, ‘Find out who you are and do it on purpose.’

As angry as I was at the universe for bringing Liv into my life only for me to lose her, I knew I’d lose her a thousand times if it meant getting to love her once. I’d never love anyone like that again. I knew that people lived lifetimes and never got to experience that kind of love. I was fucking lucky I had it at all, even if it wasn’t forever.

The twinkly golden lights were on, making the vacant pie shop look as though it lived inside a snow globe. I climbed on top of the same picnic table we’d sat on that first night in the crisp autumn air. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my thighs, and closed my eyes. In my mind’s eye, I could see Liv and I walking through these streets, talking for hours. I could hear her beautiful voice singing to me the night we got wine-drunk in her living room. I could see the way she looked in my eyes when she told me she was falling in love with me. I could almost feel her in my arms. A tear slid down my face as I let the memories of her flood my mind like a thousand perfect snowflakes falling from my heart. I could almost smell her sweet, orange blossom scent intertwined with the snow. “Turn around.” I heard the sound of her sweet voice as though she was standing right behind me. “Jax, please turn around.” “Liv!”