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“I’m sorry,” he said over and over. He kept saying it like that would make everything okay. But I knew that nothing would ever be okay again.
What I hadn’t counted on was the injuries that left no scars. The broken parts that no doctor was able to fix.
Waiting for someone to die was the cruelest form of punishment.
Sometimes I thought I would follow this boy to the fiery pits of hell if he asked me to. And sometimes that scared me. I didn’t want him to have that kind of power over me. It was the reason I pushed back so hard, not wanting him to give an inch, knowing he’d take a yard.
“What happens when the stars fall, Jude?” “I’ll put them back in the sky for you,”
I wanted to go back to my carefree days when nothing scared me. I wanted to be reckless and daring again.
And that was the problem. He’d decided that I was his but he could kiss anyone he wanted. The hypocrisy incensed me and I steeled myself against his soft touch that made delicious shivers run up and down my spine.
all I wanted to do was take away her pain and make it my own. I wanted to fix this for her and it made me angry that I couldn’t.
Everything was dead and broken.
I missed him like a missing limb
I felt hollowed out and empty but I felt a little bit better.
Holding on for dear life, both arms wrapped around it tightly like it was my firstborn child and I couldn’t bear to part with something so precious to me.
she told me to be brave with my heart. She said that love makes you vulnerable, but with the right person, it also makes you stronger.
Because that’s what real men did. They fought and they bled and they locked down their emotions. They toughed it out and they never said die. Real men weren’t allowed to cry or complain or question the unfairness of life. Real men were always winners. To the victor go the spoils.
Once again, he’d come to my rescue and I hated that. This was something that I’d wanted to do for myself. Something I’d convinced myself I needed to do.
I was alone on the roof under a sky full of stars with only the bitter taste of regret and my salty tears for company.
Being brave meant being honest and owning up to the things you’d done to hurt people.
“It’s only ever been you,” he said, his voice low and husky in the stillness of my quiet bedroom. “Only you, Rebel.”
But it was useless to think of what could have been.
We sealed them with a kiss that robbed the air from my lungs and made me wonder where he left off and I began.
It felt dangerous, loving someone the way I loved him. I knew how cruel life could be. The person you loved could be ripped away from you in the blink of an eye. But I did it anyway.
This was a taste of heaven and of hell all rolled into one.
It was an odd sensation to look at the man you loved but not recognize him.
“Are you okay?” I asked him, even though I knew he wasn’t. It was such a stupid question but I was at a loss. What could you say
I forced a smile. “Good to be here,” I lied. And it pissed me off that it wasn’t true. Why did I feel so fucking numb, like I was watching my life as if it was a movie, and I was so far removed from it that I wasn’t really living it?
And I thought that if we had this baby, it would be like having a piece of you. The better parts of both of us in one tiny human that we could hold in our arms and watch our baby grow bigger and stronger. And I feel so cheated and so angry.

