How to Talk about Jesus (Without Being That Guy): Personal Evangelism in a Skeptical World

by Sam Chan

Three main sources contribute to our plausibility structures: (1) community, (2) experiences, and (3) facts, evidence, and data.

But facts, evidence, and data are actually the least powerful in determining belief.

Facts, evidence, and data are surprisingly weak in making something believable. So which is the most powerful in determining belief? Community.

Community is the most powerful force in determining belief. Community shapes the way we interpret our experiences. Community shapes the way we interpret facts, evidence, and data.

Paul recognized the power of community and belief. In 1 Corinthians 15:5–8, Paul says that after Christ rose from the dead, “he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living . . . Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also.” Paul may seem to be overly thorough here. Not only did he himself see Jesus risen from the dead, but the other apostles also saw Jesus risen from the dead, and so did five hundred other people you can talk to right now.

So what we need to do is introduce them into a community of Christian friends. How do we do this? By getting our Christian friends to become friends with our non-Christian friends.

What I’m arguing for here is a lifestyle change, not a one-off event. We need to proactively and deliberately work at merging our universes.

Sociologists say that human beings need friendships at three different levels. First, they need a tribe of 150 people for belonging, status, and identity. Second, they need a network of thirty friends. And third, they need an inner circle of five trusted friends—the sort of friends you can call on for a favor, to help you move to a new house, or to babysit your kids in an emergency.

Studies are now showing that most people in the West lack this tribe, network, and inner circle.4 That’s why we’ll drive twenty minutes to the store for milk instead of asking our next-door neighbor for it.

The sequence was BELIEF → BELONGING → BEHAVIOR. Now that we are in a post-Christian age, the sequence seems to go the other way. People first find belonging with Christians. They make friends with our Christian friends.

The sequence now seems to be BELONGING → BEHAVIOR → BELIEF. We can look for ways to help our non-Christian friends find belonging with us. Then we can try to do things with them. By doing things together, they might see things from our point of view and gradually also want to share our belief.

We can introduce our Christian friends to our non-Christian friends. We can become their tribe, village, and community. And then, bit by bit, the story of Jesus will be more believable than they had ever dared to imagine.

We can learn from Jesus’ answer to the religious leaders: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:31–32). By calling Levi and his friends “sinners,” Jesus is showing that he does not approve of their lifestyle. Jesus is showing that it’s possible to associate with sinners without approving of their lifestyle. Association and approval are not the same thing. And Jesus is also saying that it’s precisely because Levi and his friends are sinners that it’s a priority to eat and drink with them.

I’m guided by my pastor friend Rohan. He told me that when he was baptized, his gay, atheist uncle turned up at the church to witness it. No one interpreted the uncle’s act of showing up as his giving up his atheism and adopting Rohan’s Christian faith. Instead, they saw him as an uncle showing honor and respect to his nephew, without adopting his nephew’s faith.

The task of telling our friends about Jesus seems too big. It’s too important, too monumental, too overwhelming. Where do we even begin? Relax! We can break it down into three concrete, bite-sized, achievable steps. Here they are: COFFEE → DINNER → GOSPEL

there are three layers to a conversation:13 INTERESTS → VALUES → WORLDVIEW

The statements in this layer are prescriptive. They have a sense of oughtness.

Who are they really? What are they looking for? What is most real to them? What are they most afraid of? What is the one thing in this life they must have?

The nudge question nudges the conversation into the next layer. From interests to values. From values to worldviews. And from there we nudge the conversation from secular conversation to sacred conversation.

When it comes to evangelism, sometimes all the ingredients are there for a good conversation about Jesus—trust, relationships, friends, hospitality—but we need a nudge question, a catalyst question, to launch the conversation into the next layer.

talking about what you do for work is classic small-talk material. But when your answer is that you work full-time in Christian ministry, you drag the conversation from the interests and small-talk layer to the worldviews layer way before you and the person you are talking with are ready for it.

According to the ancient Greeks, what you say is only the first of three components to the message you’re delivering: • logos: what I say • pathos: the way I make you feel • ethos: how I live

we can communicate ideas without using the exact same words. For example, Jesus was able to explain “sin” in many of his parables (e.g., the Wedding Banquet, the Rich Fool, the Rich Man and Lazarus) without using the word sin.

God gave us sixty-six books of the Bible and not just a four-page evangelistic tract. This means we can choose from a large variety of starting points to introduce our friend to the gospel.

Tim Keller encourages Christians to adopt a gospel outline similar to the one I present here. The bullet points are manger (incarnation), cross (atonement), king (restoration).

Christians should be known not just by our love (John 13:35) and ethics (1 Peter 4:4), but also by our wisdom (Colossians 4:5).

The evidence will be that our way of life simply works better. Our lifestyle will be attractive (see Titus 2:5, 8, 10).

(1) what I say is true; (2) if it’s true, then you must believe it; and (3) if you believe it, you must live it. It’s TRUE ✍ BELIEVE it ✍ LIVE it While that may be the correct logical sequence, the way our post-Christian friends discover it is often the reverse sequence: (1) what you see is a wiser way to live; (2) but if it’s a wiser way to live, then it’s also more believable; (3) but if it’s believable, you need to consider that it might also be true. I can LIVE it → I can BELIEVE it → it must be TRUE

when we do something wise, by and large, it should work well for us. Then people will want to listen to us. They will bring up deeper matters and want to hear what we have to say. By being wise, we create opportunities for these conversations. And we will make the Christian worldview more believable.

Everyone is only two “why” questions away from not being able to give a rational answer. If we start asking questions, our nonbelieving friends will realize that much of their worldview is based not on rational arguments or evidence but on brute-force statements that they believe at face value without evidence.

In the Bible, Jesus often doesn’t answer the questions people ask him. Instead, he asks a question in return. For instance, when asked to give his views on taxes, he responds, “Show me a denarius. Whose image and inscription are on it?” (Luke 20:24). Or when Jesus is asked where he gets his authority, he says, “I will also ask you a question. Tell me: John’s baptism—was it from heaven, or of human origin?” (Luke 20:3–4).

Where do you get your views on human rights and dignity? As a Christian, I derive my views on human rights and dignity from our being created in the image of God. Or I can point to Christ’s incarnation—the Son of God became one of us. Or I can appeal to Jesus, who said, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40).

Where do you get your views on human equality?

As a Christian, I can appeal to how the God of the Bible is the champion of the underdog—Abel over Cain, Sarah over Hagar, Jacob over Esau, Leah over Rachel, Israel over the nations. I can point out how Jesus hung out with the marginalized and how Jesus, the Son of God, lowered himself and became a slave who died an outcast’s death on a cross (Philippians 2:5–8).

I can’t appeal to Mother Nature or to the animal kingdom. Animal behavior and society are brutally hierarchical.

our ideas of human equality are very Western. If I impose these views, I’m again guilty of promoting Western cultural superiority.

Why do you believe in human freedom?

We need to move beyond responding to defeater beliefs (practicing negative apologetics). Instead, we need to give reasons that promote belief (practicing positive apologetics). We need to show our nonbelieving friends why they need or want Christianity to be true.

Making Sense of God is focused on promoting reasons why we need to believe in the existence of God.34 In this book, Keller shows how much of what we believe to be true—e.g., meaning, satisfaction, freedom, self, identity, hope, morality, and justice—are nonsensical unless the God of the Bible is also true. They cannot exist without a transcendent God who made us, loves us, and saves us. I believe we can use this approach in the art of positive apologetics.