Somebody's Daughter

by Ashley C. Ford

If my mother and I shared anything without having carefully considered it, it was this undying ember of a dream that we will someday, somehow find ourselves reaping the bounty of a blooming mother-daughter bond, the roots of which we both refuse to tend in the meantime.

another, but we could not always say the thing we wanted to say most and risk spoiling the other’s dream.

When my life was new, I understood in my bones how little it mattered what anybody else was doing, or what they thought about what I was doing. I believed my bones then.

Some things were too precious not to be shared. They just had to happen, and you just had to make sure you were there when they did, and then, you were part of something with everyone else who showed up at the right time.

I was always trying to figure out which version of myself to be to not upset her. I didn’t often get it right.

that books were a place where my age didn’t matter as long as I could read the words in front of me, I found a home for my mind and spirit to take root.

I would seek out the library the way some search for the soft light of a chapel in the dark.

point. I did not mind getting hurt as much as I minded being surprised by the pain. I wanted to see it coming.

She was real, and as real people often are, she was complicated.

We didn’t know, back then, there are about a million ways to love and be loved by another person. We thought what we had, the way we had it, was the only way it could be. We were stuck.

hadn’t told them I had a father I loved more than anything who wasn’t there because of something I could never forgive.

When you write about you and me? Just tell the truth. Your truth. Don’t worry about nobody’s feelings, especially not mine. You gotta be tough to tell your truth, but it’s the only thing worth doing next to loving somebody.”

“Ashley, you’re the only person who has to live in your skin, and wake up with the consequences of your choices. That’s why you can’t let other people make the big choices for you. You have to do what it feels right to do, and you can’t let anybody stop you.” I heard the stifled smile again. “Not even me.”